I have never been the kind of girl to snoop through her boyfriend's stuff. Now before I begin to write this post from some high place, I have to admit:
the urge is there. I think that a reason I never looked through a guy's Facebook messages and certain text messages is that, for one, I am too scared of what I would find.
I don't mean to say that the men I date are untrustworthy, on the contrary, I am just a very paranoid individual. It is very easy for me to over-analyze certain words and phrases, and I think that in most cases these things are all a misunderstanding. And then I would have been the one with trust issues who invaded someone's privacy...
But what if you have suspicions? I have never had any justifiable suspicions about a men regarding infidelity, but I think if I did I would not hesitate to conduct a little personal investigation. Why? If you are sexually active with someone and suspect cheating
your health could be at risk. Sexually transmitted infections or diseases are no joke and can lead to more complications.
I know that it is hard to differentiate between between justifiable concerns and just typical paranoia. If I were in a relationship and the paranoia didn't pass within a few days I would take a five minute glance at his inbox. Nothing incriminating, then I let it go. I don't think that there is anything wrong with having a quick look to calm your nerves. There is no need to search for it. If you take a peek and don't see anything, there is probably nothing there.
Do you think it's okay to snoop through your SO's text messages or emails? Would you look if you suspected cheating?
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Comments (32)
No. If I suspected cheating, I would go directly to the source and ask myself and gauge their reaction. That is what a responsible, mature adult would do. If you have something making you uncomfortable, talk about it with your partner. And depending on how they respond to it will certainly give you a look into what is or isn't happening.
Nah, I've looked over my boyfriends shoulder when he's texting his friends sometimes, but mostly it was because I was curious as to what he was saying... He does the same to me as well.
I don't feel as if I need to snoop though his stuff...
Why don't you just talk to the person you're supposed to be so close to that you trust them to not give you STDs? I mean really, snooping should never be okay, especially when you didn't even give the guy a chance to calm your nerves first. Yes, I've done this in the past with my exes, but honestly, I felt terrible about it and had to tell them right away what I did because I knew it was wrong. Now with my current boyfriend, there's absolutely no need. I spend a lot of time on his phone because he has an iPhone and it's fun to use, but I have never snooped through it. I know if I had any suspicions I could just ask him. That's what people in a truly committed relationship should do.
@laytexduckie@xanga - YES! haha you always give excellent advice. Glad to know I'm not the only one who thinks this way.
@laytexduckie@xanga - D: !! My boyfriend totally did this to me, and I was completely innocent and started crying.
@GagaMonster - Hahah. Well, I do my best to spread good knowledge to those who need it. Sometimes, the advice that others give on here is ... well, not up to par. Hahah. But, you know, not everyone thinks the same way I do and sometimes, I'm not always correct. But whatever.
@LightBlue21@xanga - Well, there is a difference in how you approach someone about a subject like this. Your boyfriend did it the wrong way, where he came full out with accusations. I would say the more civil way of bringing it up is to present in a "I" manner rather than a "You" accusation manner like your boyfriend did. Your boyfriend just flew off the handle without thinking how to deal with it properly.
If they're so untrustworthy why stoop to the same level and snoop in their shit?
If I got to the point where I suspected something, I'd talk to them directly. If I don't trust them after that, there is no reason to spy, since the relationship would be over.
I wouldnt snoop. I want to be able to trust a person that is my SO.
I wouldn't snoop. I'd do it the FBI way...I'll say something to him like...I know what you did
are you going to tell me or do I have to slap you silly to get the truth out of you
then see how he reacts. does he panic and start stuttering? does he get mad and defensive? does he act confused while sweating or act confused with a shocked look
Im glad I snooped on my ex.. but I had good reason to.
Just before our last and final break up he went to visit a "friend" in Texas for 2 weeks.I spent the night at his place the day before he was coming home so I could go with and meet him.. well, I was on his computer (nothing new) and a message popped up that no girlfriend wants to see. i thought it was a joke, but after checking his message history with her i could see they had been having some very inappropriate conversations... so, i checked out some other message histories... and what i found made me sick.. the girl he went to visit was 14!! He was 20. I found out through her blog they slept together while he was there. And that he had been with at least a dozen other women and his girlfriend (me) didn't have a clue.
I confronted him with all of it, and he said to me "if you would put out then i wouldn't have to cheat on you".. He KNEW before we even started dating that I did not believe in sex before marriage and he never pressured me... guess i know why.
As for my husband and I... well we "snoop" through each others FB and emails all the time, but we're married.
There is no reason to snoop and I would be really upset if someone read my texts or e-mails or Facebook behind my back. If you're looking for something, you'll find it. You'll read things wrong because you want to confirm that you had good reason to snoop in the first place. If you can't trust your partner enough to let them have their privacy, you shouldn't be with them in the first place.
First, I use my intuition. Secondly, if something makes me uncomfortable, I talk to my partner. We have this 100% honesty/communication thing going....weird, huh?
I do it...and I believe I have reason to.
In the beginning, the thought of looking through his phone didn't even occur to me. I didn't question him, I didn't doubt him, I wasn't suspicious of him. But one day, he had forgotten his phone in another room and I found it. I picked it up and had an idea to take some silly pictures for him to find later on. When the pictures saved, it automatically switched to his picture folder...and lo and behold, I found a handful of nude photos of his ex girlfriend (who I have a VERY bad history with) and saw that they were only recently taken.
I told him what happened and rationally told him how much it upset me and told him to delete them. He did delete the photos, but he was angry and tried making me out to be the selfish one for wanting him to delete close-up photos of his ex girlfriend's vag. T____T
A while later, February rolled around and it was our first Valentine's Day together. Long story short, his ex girlfriend had sent him nudes again...and what's worse is that he admitted that he actually asked for them. On fucking Valentine's Day, even.
So, yeah. Since then, my trust went right down the drain.
It depends on the situation, I suppose. I don't do it because invading privacy makes me nervous. If I suspect something is up with my S.O, I ask if I can read through there text messages with them there. For example, I don't like my boyfriend's ex girlfriend AT ALL. After they broke up, we started seeing each other and she found out and went down the psycho-ex route and pretty much tried using awkward texts like "If I kill myself, you'll know why" to get his attention. He never told me she was still texting him until I asked him about it a few months later. I could tell that something was seriously wrong with him because he'd be happy one minute, get a text, and act completely distant. So I asked him politely if I could read through his messages. He was really hesitant at first, but handed me his phone. I won't go into detail of the content of her messages, but they were really messed up. We did resolve the issue.
So I guess respecting somebody's privacy, as long as it isn't something that puts your life at risk, is a must. If you're really that concerned about it, try asking them about it. If that doesn't work, you could try telling them that you need space, and when they're ready to talk, you will be, too.
@Moonquake@xanga - Man that really sucks. Are you in a better relationship now, though?
@MHYLMF@xanga - We're still together, actually... It's complicated. It's hard to believe it's been 5 years already...
I read my man's phone. But he knows. And he uses my phone all the time, and my facebook. So I guess it's not really snooping. I did snoop in the past though, with reason. And I'm glad I did, it made it easier for us to sort out our problems. He knew I was doing it though, cause I'd always hit him up about girls who were texting him and tell him that I'd been texting them back on his phone lol. I can't say you should do this or you shouldn't do this though... everyone's different.
I never did and had no suspicions until my ex and I got back together from taking a month "break". We should have never gotten back together because it obviously caused trust issues with me but I'm glad I snooped and found what I did or who knows how long I would have been with him. My gut rarely steers me wrong.
talking to the person dosent always work. If you talk to them, they can deny/lie all they want. Therefore if you ever were to engage in intercourse again....... you might get STD's. Its a serious thing, but i do see your point with the privacy matters..... its a tricky subject. But your health and safety is more important!!
Eh, I never go out of my way to look at my boyfriends text messages and when I do it is because I am bored and his friends always say interesting/funny things or it is because he is driving and wants me to text for him. Safety first.
I try to not be paranoid about him looking through my phone but I am a little because of an abusive relationship. I am getting over it.
No, snooping is never okay. If you suspect something, stop having sex with them, go to the doctor, and then talk to them. Snooping will just break their trust if something else was going on that didn't involve cheating.
@Moonquake@xanga - oh god. please tell me you've dumped him already!!!!
edit: wtf!!!!!!
My boyfriend had a thing with another girl over a year ago. We decided to work through it and the urge to snoop has been unbearable. About 8 months after d-day, I decided I would snoop.. just to see if he's been telling the truth and I didn't find anything. I was so scared I would, but relieved when I didn't.
When i was younger i had no reason to have trust issues. i believed i could always just ask, and be told the truth. If you are in a sexual relationship you should at least respect eachother enough to tell the truth right? HA! So the boy i was seeing gave me some reasons to wonder about his relationship with his ex. I asked, he said it was nothing. Time passes and i asked again, because it was still bothering me, he then made me out to be the crazy jealous type and claimed he - would - never!! *note the Drama*.  More time, and now people - other people - are going out of their way to tell me he lies. So i cracked, felt like shit, and went through his email.  And i am glad i did.
Then i started dating my husband. I always trusted him, he naver gave me a reason not to, but all the same i told him that i didn't do secrites and if he wanted to be with me he could expect me to go through his phone once in a blue moon, because i don't like being made a fool of. He never once made a big deal of it, because he isn't the dramatic type. And now we are happily married with no trust issues whatsoever, because he is amazing.  Â
My vote, Every one is different, do what you gotta do. There are a lot of cheating scumbags out there.
The End.