My last relationship had a bit of a rocky start, which isn't usually a good sign. Things were going well for the first few weeks until suddenly he felt something was off in the relationship and decided to call it off. Still wanting to remain friends, we saw each other a couple weeks later and he wondered if he made a mistake. Before we knew it, we were back together.
This time things were different. As it moved along, we began to realize our relationship had an expiration date. He planned on going up to Northern California for school. I didn't envision myself moving to the woods. He didn't want to settle down with anyone. I wasn't opposed to the idea.
Still, we carried on with one another, having little misadventures and enjoying one another's company all the while, in the back of our minds, we knew it had to end eventually.
It's a very strange mentality to have going into a relationship. Knowing it will end doesn't allow for much growth or development. And once that mentality is in your head, it's awfully hard to forget about it.
Have you ever been in a similar situation?
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Comments (26)
Hey, as long as you're both on the same page about the whole thing, why not?
I think it's healthy to acknowledge that there are limits...but dwelling on dates strikes me as obsessive.
I guess you're not contemplating long distance? But that mentality might change with time..
It's definitely a tough one; on one hand, why not enjoy what you have right now? On the otherhand, why bother with a relationship that has an expiry date?What's the point?
Nope. I know what I want and have the self esteem to move on and find the right person for me.
Maybe i'm just not programmed to think that way..but to me its like "why bother if I know we're just going to break up at a certain time?"...I really don't think my heart could think that way :/
I am confused on how my relationship is right now. My boyfriend is in the military and gets out soon and will most likely be sent to a different state for national guard. We have talked about me going along with him and that is the general plan but my gut tells me that it isn't going to be quite that easy. We are both young him 22 me almost 21 a little early to be settling down but that's what I feel will happen if I go with him. I feel stressed out about it but you never know what might happen so I'm making every day count. I don't its wrong to keep a relationship going when you know it will end eventually because relationships is about companion ship and not necessarily finding 'the one'
My Roommate just
got out of a relationship with an expatriation date. After Graduation,
he's moving about 700 miles away from his girlfriend. They talked about
it, and he thought that everything was fine. Later, he finds out that
she saw his graduation as a natural end to their relationship and wasn't
letting her feelings develop any further. Sucks, but sometimes people
aren't willing to put in the extra time having a distance relationship
would create.
@Xuelie@xanga - I'm engaged to an Army boy right now. Luckily, when
he isn't deployed, he is stationed a few hours away from where I work.
We discussed me moving closer, but since there is nothing in that town
for me, no job, no education, we decided that I would do what would be
best for me and our relationship in the long run, stay in the city, work
my lovely job that I went to school to get, and he would join me when
he could. Not ideal, but neither was me moving somewhere were there was
nothing for me. Just make sure that when you do move, you have something
to move towards other than the relationship: school, a job lined up,
something, anything. Otherwise you'll end up sitting at home, waiting
for him to come back from his job each day and end up resenting it
(Trust me, we tried that once, it did not work... I was miserable with
nothing to do)
I'm kind of in a similar situation right now. He's very sweet, but he doesn't believe in marriage, and I know in my heart that that's something I want eventually in my life. It's a deal-breaker right there, but it's only been a month. I don't see a reason to break up with him - esp. since we're both still in college, and not ready to settle down with anyone - but I also know I'm not letting my feelings for him develop because in the back of my mind, I feel like we have an expiration date.
How attached should you get to someone who you know you won't really end up with in the long term unless they change their views on fundamental things like marriage? He's young and this is his first relationship, so maybe things will change over time, but I find myself not wanting to fall in love with him because I honestly don't see the point.It's all about treasuring the present for what it is, really. My boyfriend and I have accepted that even though we may break up when we go off to college, we are still growing as individuals alongside each other, and that's what counts.
it depends on what you're looking out of it. if the relationship serves as good fun and neither is "playing for keeps", so to speak, why not? for people like me, who only date for the goal of long- term relationships, it seems pointless- but if dating is a source of joy and an interaction different from friendship for you, i don't see any problems with it.
at the end of the day, the only good reason to date someone or be in a relationship is for joy - so take whatever route allows you to maximize your joy per lifetime ratio. ;)
yes.
i am in the exact situation right now. i'm leaving for a different college in four months. just live it as it is, everything is only temporary, no matter how strong feelings can get.
My boyfriend and his ex had an expiration date, so to speak. He didn't ever want kids, she had a set age where she wanted to start having kids. They dated for 5 years, both knowing it'd come to an end, and mutually agreed on breaking up shortly before she wanted to start having kids. *shrugs* If you're on the same page, there's no harm in enjoying what you have while you have it.
I was in a similar situation for several years. My boyfriend was planning to return permanently to Mexico, but the date kept getting pushed back. Then I got pregnant unexpectedly, and things got really messy. He still felt he needed to go home, so I moved away. After our son was born we decided to get back together and make an honest go of it. Now it's 3 years later, we're engaged and expecting our second. So I'd say it's tricky at best. The hardest thing for us was that when we thought the relationship had an expiration date, we didn't ever see a point in getting to the root of conflicts. Why bother? Just focus on the good times. Well, once we decided to get engaged and make it "forever", suddenly we had to really deal with all these issues we'd been able to ignore for several years. I guess the thing is, if you're going to be casual and stick to your expiration date, it can be fun. But if it's going to get more involved, or continue later, it's a bad idea. You'll get into bad habits and bad patterns of thinking that are tough to break.
I don't think I could do that... but if both people are fine with it then there's nothing wrong with that! :)
One of my guy friends told his girlfriend that he didn't want to date her past a certain date. Understandably, the date was the end of this school year when they would move hours away from each other for about four months. This conversation did not happen at the beginning of their relationship, however, and I don't think they really saw eye to eye on the subject because they broke it off shortly after.
As a person who has always looked forward to marriage and children and puts her whole self into a relationship, I can't imagine being with someone that I knew would not be in my ideal life.
Yes. It hurt like hell to find out he meant to break up with me before he had even really gotten to know me.
When i first started dating this guy, we both know that it will end in 4 months time, as he will be going back to his country. we both agreed to have an unofficial relationship. I thought it would work out, however at those point of times i always remind myself not to be attached to this r/s cos i know that it will eventually end. then few days back, he decided to "break it off",suggesting that we should be just friends. it was then that i realized i have actually somehow fallen for him. I felt terrible.and now im trying my best to get over this, it is tough, cos we still see each other in my workplace. I didnt regret my decision of starting it still. it was an experience for me, i now know that this is not what i want.
When I was in high school, I had boyfriends that I knew were not "The One". I liked them alot, and loved them, as in cared very very much for them as a person, but I was not "in love" with them and knew that it wasn't a forever thing.
Then I got to a stage of wanting to find a life partner, and I wasn't interested in a "for now" boyfriend.
Decades later, when my marriage ended, and I was no longer looking for a life partner, "for now" relationships were OK with me again. I can be with a person, enjoy the now, truly care for them, but not be too hooked on whether we will be together forever.
That's not the same as an expiration date as in a set end date, but it shares the aspect of knowing that it isn't going to last forever.
Back then,I ever thought of to have an expiry date on relationship back when i got hurt badly by my ex bf.
When i got to know am pregnant, i was very happy and excited. I said to my self "Omg, am going to become a mother.. am very excited. But when i break the news to him, He forced me to go for an abortion and i protest the idea of aborting my own baby. So, we had a fight and he left.
Carrying the baby on my own and at the point of time i am not financially stable made me thought of having 2 jobs in order to keep this baby. I told my self no matter how hard the life going to be, i must be strong. I must not weak.
I had a miscarriage after few months because of a severe bleeding. I was very upset and i became a mad woman that has no life. But however with the support from my friends, i managed to recovered.
I moved from my hometown to another place. I started a new life and it took me awhile to get back on track.
Previously, i ever thought of not having a serious relationship but i met this wonderful man and after getting to know him, i change my way of thinking. I said to my self, I wanted a serious relationship. So i did.
So,If you're not looking to have a serious relationship and think that having an expires date on relationship are good and it would not hurt you, well go for it.. but if u do meet a wonderful guy/girl..make sure u change your idea of having a short term relationship.
I'm in a super similar situation. I'm abroad in Sydney until July and I met one of the greatest guys. I feel so happy when I'm around him and he's just overall great. However he lives here for work and we had a serious discussion about it a few weeks ago.
It's sad to know that it will be over in a few months but I will take this relationship and everything he has taught me and just live my life.Dating is like shopping and trying to find an outfit that fits you perfectly, compliments you wonderfully, and feels like you can't live without. Why would you want to go shopping if you know you're only going to return a decent outfit the next week because your time with it expired?
I suppose if it makes you happy NOW, then go with it. But if you have any reservations about your "expiration date", do something about it.
Well, thats just life when you're young. Unless you retrain the possibility of individual growth, you're doomed as a couple.
I am waiting until the end of college. If an opportunity arises for either of us to advance our career, I'm not going to say no. Or until he gets tired of me NOT wanting to settle down, get married and have children.
A friend of mine is going to law school in California next year. Meaning she'll leave her boyfriend of 5 years in Pennsylvania. He doesn't want to leave with her, but she won't not go.
It's life.