I was recently at a comedy club in my neighborhood watching one of my roommates perform stand-up. I went alone so I sat down in a chair in the corner, apart from any tables. A few minutes before the show began a really attractive man sat down next to me. We smiled at each other and then began to hit if off so well that we stayed after the show and got drinks together.
First things first: I knew this guy was older. But I didn't see a ring on his left hand, so I knew that he wasn't married (or, at the very least, stupid and married). We ended up having a great conversation and I decided to give him my number. However, there was one thing that he had mentioned that worried me. He has children. Three to be exact. And one that is actually only five years younger than me.
This obviously raised a plethora of red flags. Children. I have done everything in my young life to avoid the having of children. And to top it all off, one of these "kids" was not that much younger than me. In the end even though I gave him my phone number, I never returned his calls or his texts. I decided that the children factor was a deal breaker. I am not prepared to handle offspring in even the most causal of manners: that's just not where my priorities are right now.
Would you ever date someone with children? Have you ever dated someone that has a child? What complications arose from it? Perks?
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Comments (54)
No, never.
Preferably not
My first boyfriend was 10 years older, divorced and a father. He was still a person though, he had a personality and everything!
Yes, I would date a man with kids. It's silly to write someone off for that. I wouldn't date a man who thought I was there to take care of his kids though! I am a mother, I take care of my kids, he can take care of his kids. As a mother, I am still worthy of love.
Nope.
Personally, I've never dated anyone with kids, but I wouldn't rule a single father out completely. It depends on the circumstances.
no, and perhaps it's because i'm nowhere near ready to be married, but even if I were I still don't think I would. It's something extra to take care of, and I wouldn't have time to deal with it. Also, I dont think I'd be able to love the child as my own
absolutely not. i'm on birth control for a reason. i mean... i even hate babysitting! i don't want to be anyone's mother figure for another decade or so.
Yea why not? I love kids
I'd not have a problem becoming that child(ren)s father if things got serious even.
I dont see the problem but I can understand why it's not something for everyone. You dont want ex drama & sometimes people still get jealous because the guy/girl talks to their ex. But I'm like "they had children, you cant expect them to write them off completely dumbass...". Plus you'll be 2nd because kids come first, as it should be. If you want to be #1 in someone's life, then dating someone without kids should be your priority.
I dont agree with leading someone into thinking you're interested & not returning calls or texts though. If children are a dealbreaker, you could have told him gently instead of ignoring him. Parents who date deserve just as much respect as singles, if not more. It's hard to date with kids because people make horrible assumptions or ask your business.
No, I wouldn't, but I wouldn't ignore all his calls and texts. That's honestly a really shit thing to do. The least you could do is send him a text explaining that you can't handle dating someone with kids. It takes a minute of your time and at least gives the poor guy an explanation. Grow up, stop being a bitch and learn some basic decency.
if I also had a kid or two, then I'd be more sympathetic, and we might have that big family with a bunch of stepkids like the step by step tv show from the 90's, but I don't, so I'd prefer other singles without kids. I could probably make an exception if his kids were no longer dependent on him, so that he wouldn't suddenly leave in the middle of the date because one of his kids called him for something or the kid might tag along at our date and I don't like third wheels that cry like a baby:D I know that he's being an attentive and good father, but still...interrupting a date is rude
however, if his kids are independent, then they are probably around my age in their 20's, so then I might be attracted to his younger kid that I might have more in common with
possible dilemmas either way but I won't really know until I'm in this situation. my crush has kids and I'd date him once he gets a divorce lol the person that I'd date with kids is married-whoa, the drama and scandal
what I'm saying is that I'd make an exception for him because he's so dreamy beyond all of my schoolgirl dreams
lol
At this age, no I wouldn't consider someone with kids. I don't even want kids of my own! But once I enter my 30's and also date other people in their 30's I would be more open to it.
@TiredSoVeryTired@xanga - You seem like such a nice person. =)
Nope, not yet anyways.
@Shinbi_Belldandy@xanga - Thanks for your reply! I probably would have "told him gently" if I wasn't so flabbergasted by the fact that one of his "children" was in the same age-bracket as me. He did not by any means look that old. But you are totally right, I should of grew a pair and told him that I was weirded out by that. I did dwell on the matter for a few days, and in the end just decided to be casted off into that land of girls who never return texts or answer phone calls.
@TiredSoVeryTired@xanga - Thanks for your comment! I completely understand and respect your point of view, and I am completely agree that you are still worthy of love, with children or not. But right now, at 22, I am not ready for children, or to pretend like I am on the same level as someone that has children. That's all that I meant, that I would like to have a relationship with someone that I am in the "same stage of life" with. Thanks again!
Can't you grow a backbone and just tell him instead of ignoring his calls after a great night out?
I dated a mama, who had a 11 yr old kid. The lady was always worried about her kid, and it got really annoying after listening to her only talk about her kid.
I am 22, dating a 25 year old with a 5 year old daughter. I wouldn't change it for the world. It is definitely not for everyone though, as it almost always becomes a serious relationship almost instantly. But we are very happy and I do love her as if she was my own, and I love my little family.
If I were in the dating pool, I would probably choose to date those who don't have kids, but the older you get the more difficult to find people without then. However, it won't be a deal breaker, especially if I like the guy. Each individual person is different, I can't really put a definitive answer as to why I wouldn't date a person with children.
@sunshinedust_xox@xanga - I think it's a little different dating someone with a 5 year old vs. someone with a 17 year old. And you're 22.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with dating someone with children, but there's also nothing wrong with feeling like you're at that stage where you don't want kids. Especially if there are more complicated factors, like the child's mother, involved.
Regardless, I wouldn't just ignore texts/calls, that's not very nice.
I used to think like that like, but as you get older it's inevitable. It happens.
i'd give a guy with kid(s) a chance, although if one of said children was only a few years younger than me, that would probably be a deal-breaker.
No, because I don't want kids.
one of my best friends is a single dad, he is 33.. he is a 14yr old daughter who's mum walked out when she was 3 days old and never looked back.. and a 16 yr old son (he was married to his mom for less then a year before he caught her being abusive to his daughter and he kicked her out. She went to jail for fraud, and he was offered custody of the boy. Her rights were terminated and he adopted the boy). Unfortunately for him, most women he meets only want to date him for his money (granted he has one been on 3 dates in the last year).. but i hope one day he finds a nice woman who will love him and his kids..
I wouldn't mind children in general, except for when like in your case they aren't much younger than me, or even older than me.