A few weeks ago my friend Jane told my other friend Ashley that she had begun to have feelings for one of Ashley's ex-boyfriends. Initially Ashley told Jane that she was accepting of the union, because it had been years since Ashley and Matt broke up. She wasn't still in love with him by any means and they both remained on friendly terms, so she did not feel there was any logical reason to deny her friend happiness.
However, after Ashley gave Jane the green light to see Matt exclusively, something changed. Ashley wasn't experiencing a surge of feelings for her former flame, but she began to feel like Jane had disrespected her. Matt was Ashley's first boyfriend: her first real kiss and they lost their virginity to one another, so they were each other's "first everything". As Ashley began to dwell on the subject more, she felt like Jane was insensitive to the fact that Matt and Ashley had once been in love.
Logically, Ashley felt like her feelings weren't justified. And even though Matt and Ashley's relationship is over and there are no harsh feelings, I had even told Ashley that I thought there was something wrong about Jane wanting to start seeing Matt. The only way I could verbalize it was that I thought there was something almost incestual about it. I thought that Jane was crossing boundaries and jeopardizing her long-term friendship with Ashley for a man. A man, no less, that knows Ashley (in the biblical sense).
So Ladies, Gentlemen:
Would you ever date a best friend's ex? Do you think that there is something wrong with dating one of your friend's exes?Image Source
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Comments (81)
She shouldn't have said if it was okay if it wasn't, that's a huge bitch move right there. I'd never dates my best friends ex...most becuase hes a guy and i'm not gay haha
I probably wouldn't date a friend's ex, but I see no reason why anybody shouldn't if they want to. It's selfish of the ex to not allow her ex to move on and decide for himself/herself who he/she wants to date. Nobody is robbing anybody of anything several years after a relationship has ended. Neither ex is entitled to the other ex or something weird.
Don't date your friend's exes, and don't date your ex's friends. Yes, it is THAT simple. There are too many other people in this world to need to go after one of the aforementioned. Especially in a situation like this where your friend's ex was their first everything.
I'm not saying that it's wrong to do so, but I am saying that it's best not to.
it would be like seeing your grandma naked. nothing wrong with the naked human body, but sometimes it just isn't appropriate to be naked in front of others. or in this case, dating. it depends if they can get over it seeming incestual. I also get the image of my mother dating my ex-bf when I think of a best friend dating an ex. ugh-eww-nooooo. immature I know. that's why people are different.
Never, I actually care about my friends feelings.
No two things are ever the same and it depends entirely upon the specifics of the situation at hand due to many MANY unique factors.
When it comes to human decisions, I tend to give advice, but when it comes to human to human interaction, I see it as trivial at best. If they're not going to kill each other over it, it's rather pointless to mediate and more entertaining to watch, but I'll give it a shot.
So, I'm guessing Matt was marked as Ashley's territory and if she can't have him...
Nah, that probably isn't it. Let's see here...
Just kidding. OK. *puts on serious face*
(If Ashley broke up with Matt): If Matt meant anything to Ashley as a person and didn't see his life as merely an object to be owned and more worthy of considering than the mere memory of what they did, this situation wouldn't have arisen as they would still be together, so losing it to him and everything they had together was a mistake. Something to learn to not do again, not something to cherish, because apparently he wasn't right for her.
(If Matt broke up with Ashley): Well, I would find it perfectly justifiable for Ashley to be completely and totally furious because the relationship apparently still meant something to her and she wouldn't exactly have the authority to tell Jane "no", but she should sure ass Hell try.
(If it was a "mutual" breakup): Ashley should man the fuck up and tell Matt she still has feelings for him or sit down and shut up.
Jane: "Can I fuck your ex?"
Ashley: "Oh, it's all good we weren't right for each other"
Jane: "Sweet."
Ashley: "Ho ho holllld up... wait. I changed my mind. I tore that shit up, he's my territory bitch."
T3hZ10n: *grabs popcorn*
I wouldn't do it.
Amen. I don't get how friends can date their friends' exes no matter how serious or non-serious it was.
I ranted about "friend's" dating friends exes. One of my best friends recently died because she could never get over her broken heart. People say when relationships end, u move on, but she had everything with this guy. They had two kids together. This is kind of like my friend M's story except she never gave B the green light to date her ex, they did it behind her back. The screwed up part is, B gave my friend M a place to stay while M cried on B's shoulders about her ex, then B all of sudden starts dating the douche.
Here are my reasons not to do that: copy & pasted from my own blog
*My main reason is that I don't double dip. I think it's gross. If you
already hooked up with any of my friends and now are interested in me,
fat chance. I'm not going to be second best. I don't view people as a
consolation prize, I just think it's nasty to double dip. It's like
"kissing" your friend. Hope you don't think of *me* while you kiss my
ex! LOL!
*Loyalty: You have less drama with your friends. If
this happens, there's potential you could lose two people in your life
instead of one, but those who do that, are they really worth it to keep
in your life anyway? I don't back stab my friends. I did this once out
of spite because I was tired of getting hurt by people who I thought
were my friends, but it didn't make me feel any better.
*Awkwardness:
I don't want to stand up at my wedding day staring at my future husband
thinking in the back of my mind, Oh My God, he first dated one of my
friends seriously. Besides, whether people admit this or not, there are
hidden feelings they've put on the back burner for their previous
relationships. If this is going to happen, I'd rather it be with
someone I don't know who he still has feelings for. It makes it 10
times worse when it's someone I know or am close with.
***I think
there are plenty of fish in the sea to where there can be one person
who is not attached to any of my friends in any way.
Absolutely never! It would be too awkward. Best friends usually tell eachother everything that happens in a relationship, from their first date to their first time. I mean, it would feel weird reliving everything she told me, including the fact that she would probably hate me for doing so.
Girl code, man. Doesn't matter if you're not a girly-girl. Girl code is applicable to everyone.It seems all fine and dandy until it happens to you. My best friend dated my first love, and it ruined our friendship. I thought I would be fine with it, but it's unsettling. I would never do that to someone else, and I would hope my current friends would respect me enough not to do it to me either.
I don't get it. I've never been in that situation, so I honestly can't put myself in her shoes. The only reason I'd object is because I wouldn't wish my ex on anyone, let alone my best friend. The ex that was my first everything though...I think that would just be weird. Still wouldn't bother me.
@enoughtodiefor@xanga - I think it's gross to double dip. I had made out with a guy my friend made out with, but they weren't each other's first everythings. If it was that serious I wouldn't do that to someone and I hope someone wouldn't do that to me. I couldn't date a guy who one of my friends has dated or hooked up with, i just am not a fan of sloppy seconds. i don't care how serious or non-serious the relationship was, heh.
There are boundaries, but best friends' exes don't always have to remain off-limits. I'm currently engaged to a best friend's ex, and my best friend is going to be the maid of honor at our wedding.
No.
I dated my friends ex. But they weren't serious and neither were we, so it really wasn't an issue. I would never date one of my really close friends ex's though.
I wouldn't recommend my friends date my ex's simply because I think they all deserve better.
well uh, this is awkward...because i'm doing that right now. but the thing is, she was the one that introduced us and pushed for us to be together......so I guess it's alright? It does get awkward that she knows more about him than I do, but hey, we're still learning about each other
Oh jeez. Why don't we just piss on our exes like animals so that no one else will ever date them. Cause, y'know, they're not aloud to be normal people after you date them.
@Gorrific@xanga - Hey you know if you're fine with marrying being serious with a guy one of your best friends lost her virginity to, go right ahead. Look him in the eye on your wedding day and tell me you wouldn't have at the back of your mind that your best friend who you'll probably invite to your wedding lost his virginity to her. It isn't about marking your territory smart ass, it's about being loyal to your friends and caring about how they would feel as well as the awkwardness. I highly doubt you would feel okay about one of your friends dating one of your exes who you were serious with because deep down whether people admit this or not, they resent it. Obviously you've never heard of the word "loyalty." If a friend had just a fling with a guy then I wouldn't see it as a big deal, but when it was their first everything's, that's crossing a line. I'm glad you're not one of my friends. I'd have to worry about you stealing an ex because you obviously don't give two shits whether or not a friend of yours has a major crush on the guy or a history.
Has anyone ever watched One Tree Hill and know what happened to Brooke/Lucas/Peyton best friend's dating each other's exes and so called "best friends" sneaking behind each other's back and keeping secrets! Lol. I would never date a friend's ex. I wouldn't want to catch them sneaking around with my bf even though she admitted she has "no" feelings for him anymore which is always a load of crap, especially if the relationship was serious.
i dated one of my friend's ex's.. when they broke up it was as friends.. and when her and i became friends she thought we would make a good couple.. and it did work for almost a year.. until he cheated on me with 2 16 yr old girls.. not only did we break up, but she stopped being his friend as well.
If Ashley had a problem with her ex dating Jane she should have been honest from the start. By saying she was ok with it, she gave them her blessing to date or whatever and she lost her right to be upset over it. Ashley should have been honest from the start.@Anon - ....just, LOL.
I married my friend's ex. best decision ever.
Absolutely not!