Friday, 23 March 2012
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Texting Etiquette
Technology can either help us or hinder us. Here's what baffles me: I've had guys tell me flat out in the beginning that they aren't much of a phone person. (My ex only called me once during the eight months we dated and that was because my favorite necklace fell down the drain.)
Well, that really leaves any conversation when you're apart to text messaging, instant messaging, or emails (how old fashioned!). So, if we're replacing the whole idea of phone calls with these hard-to translate forms of communication, shouldn't the etiquette be the same?
Okay, some rules should be bent. I don't expect responses right away if I know the other person is at work or out with friends. I don't expect a response early in the morning if the other person is a late-riser either. If I send a picture of myself, however, (and a modest one, mind you!) I expect some sort of response eventually. Doesn't have to be right away. Doesn't have to be in the hour. But at some point in time, a response.
I think what irks me most is sudden silence after a handful of pretty quick responses. Where did you go? We just spent ten minutes talking about how we're lazily in our own beds watching Storage Wars. Barry's about to get a shrunken head appraised and you've disappeared on me.
If we were in bed together and watching this whole shrunken head debacle and I asked you a question about your plans for the day, and you suddenly sprang up from the bed and left only to return two days later and say you're not up to much, I'd be a little peeved.If we were sitting in a restaurant and I asked you how things were going after you received some terrible news and you didn't say a word and we sat there in silence and the restaurant closed and people were mopping the floor around us and just as the sun rose and the restaurant opened for a lunch crowd you told me you were okay, I'd be a little freaked out.
I understand these are mobile phones, which means they can go with us anywhere and we can respond at our discretion. There needs to be some common courtesy, though. It doesn't take much effort to say you're busy or don't feel like talking or in class or at work, etc. etc.
What do you think? Should there be some texting etiquette?
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- From: brittmichele
- About Me: Just another 20 something year old English major living in California with an affinity for British television and dressing like it's 1964.
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Comments (25)
No. I randomly disappear all the time in text. I don't always say 'bye' either to indicate a stop to the string of messages. I don't want to be chained to message responding and feel obliged to respond. And, it would be very silly to make a big deal out of it too - especially if it's just random text messages with no real significance - the one you do out of boredom when you roll out of bed.
I thought this entry was going to be more about text while being in the middle of dinner or conversation. NOW THAT...is annoying and calls for some etiquette.
For some reason I've always hated the idea of people being able to reach me no matter what. Back in the ol' days if you weren't home you were unreachable and I think that was bit more romantic and made interactions more meaningful. Now the longing is lost forever.
I don't mind if someone doesn't reply, either text, phonecall, e mail, chat, I geuss I don't want people all over me all the time and I try to give others the same space.
It's just a text. They're really not that important. I always ignore texts or stop replying - it doesn't mean anything - I just don't like texting people. I'd rather save the conversation and talk in person or on the phone. Texts seem too "convenient" and impersonal to me.
I hate cell phones. They should all be destroyed. lol This era of immediate everything is annoying.
Also, why should someone else be at your beck and call 24/7?
The things that annoys you about text are actually the reasons why I like text/chat so much more than a call. Chat gives you freedom to respond whenever you like and do other things while still carrying on a conversation. Can't really do that with a call, multi-tasking while on the phone greatly splits your attention. A call is also more demanding of the person you call so while I'm comfortable with IM/texting someone just to say hi and talk nonsense, I wouldn't call someone up unless it's important. Different tools for different situation, no point in trying to use a screw driver to hammer nails when you actually already have a hammer.
whoa, you send photos to guys from whom you think you might not hear back? shoot me a line sometime. 973 555 2398.
I agree with you completely. I hate it when my boyfriend doesn't text me back, and I know he's not doing anything. Usually if I'm not aware of his plans for the day, and he doesn't text me back I assume that he's busy, but on days or times that I know for a fact that he's not doing anything and I get no response it annoys me.
I don't take texting seriously at all. For me it's a toy that you use when you're bored or a tool that you use when you need to say something and you can't make a phone call. I don't understand how people can have long-drawn out conversations via text and I absolutely refuse to do it. If it's important enough to warrant more than a "Hi where are you?" or "What are we doing for dinner?" or "You forgot your jacket, come by later and get it" then you can call me and we can talk about it, but I will not have a long conversation with you over text message.
@TiredSoVeryTired@xanga - You may have been sarcastic but I rec'd your comment because I'm a very old fashioned kind of dater. I enjoy writing hand-written letters to a SO. I went four years without a phone and just got one for Christmas and am brand new at the whole texting phenomenon. I severely dislike the impersonal nature of it all. BAH humbug. lol
@Shadowrunner81@xanga - Well, cell phones are good for emergencies and grocery shopping. lol But yeah I hate this immediate response stuff. Like get off the phone and finish your transaction with the cashier. So what, if your SO doesn't answer back immediately... maybe they are crapping and don't feel the need to discuss that.
@daydreams_nightmares@xanga - I don't think anyone should be at my beck and call 24/7 and I'd hope no one would expect that of me either. As I mentioned, I don't really expect or need or want an immediate response. People are busy. People have lives. Things carry on. It's the lack of acknowledgement. It doesn't necessarily have to pertain strictly to lovers. It could happen with friends too. If I were to text someone while we were both at work and wanted to know if our plans still stood that night... I'd expect some sort of acknowledgement eventually--whether that be a call or text back.
I don't think texting etiquette is the same as face-face etiquette.... Sometimes I don't respond for hours because... well... I don't feel like it! No shame in that.
I like my space some times!
You need to assume the end of a conversation. Be busy!!! There's clearly nothing else to talk about once you've said Ok or goodnight but if theres a question lingering and they ignored you, don't talk to them anymore. Signs point to a (b) or extremely busy. I have the same problems with two friends of mine and I'm always busier than them but still they somehow don't have the interest to text me back. It annoys the crap out of me. But in person they talk to me etc so don't sweat the small stuff. Just ask hey wanna hang out? and start living your life.
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Hm, yes, that is slightly irritating when someone just stops responding, but I'm bad about it too, so I really can't complain too much. It IS nice when someone tells me they are about to be busy, but if we aren't talking about anything important, they don't really HAVE to tell me they won't be responding.
To be honest though, all of this technology is irritating sometimes... I'd RATHER know that my SO is unreachable than knowing he is reachable, but not necessarily responding, but it is unrealistic to expect that all the time. Anyways, I'd rather spend my time with someone who may not necessarily always respond to my texts right away, but they also don't check their phone constantly when they are with me, and they value face to face/actual conversation more than text messages/e-mails/IMs (of course, I'm not a big phone person either, but I'm getting used to it with a long-distance relationship).
All bets are off with text. Texting encourages flakiness, social akwardness and all sorts of crap.
It's good for rapid communications and little notes to your sig other
Don't have long conversations through text.
Don't have expectations about text conversations.
call a person and speak directly if you want a conversation.
I tell people I am not much of a phone person too...by that I mean I hate using phones altogether, including text messages. If anything I prefer calls.
My phone is not part of ME. It can actually happen that it is in a corner somewhere, uncharged, for weeks.That's why it's just not a good idea to contact me via cell phone. I do not WANT to be availiable all the time either. I don't want
"proper etiquette" to be having to check my electronic devices all the
time. When someone sends a message (say on fb, where I look most of the time) or leaves something on the voicemail of my house phone I usually reply the same day. I think that should be enough. And no, I am not spontaneous either.
I agree. There should be some common courtesy going on with texting. For example, I am not a fan of when I tell someone something & they only respond with "K" Like..to me it's the same as if we were in person & you were staring off, not giving a crap about what I was talking about. Texting/IMs etc are only so impersonal because we make it so. We feel like that because we aren't face to face it gives us more leeway to act less interested. Same with the whole texting a lot & boom! The person disappears only to text you three days later.
Again, I agree with this post. Well said!
Given the ability to reply at a person's own convenience, said person can often discard the necessity of replying; whereas, if a person is -- in your face -- talking to you, you functionally forced to talk back.
For me, I've been in your same situation and I simply succumbed to the solution of calling someone up to FORCE an immediate answer instead of waiting for a reply that may never happen. Alternatively, I've also straight-up asked politely for the delinquent repliers -- to reply.
Sometimes, they don't know that it is important to you -- for them to reply to you in a timely manner.
I read some comments, and I think they missed the big point here: if a person in a relationship doesn't talk much over the phone, yet you don't see them, thus you only have texting to communicate-- that means you should be just a tad more respectful with how you start and end conversations.
Sometimes I forget to text somebody back, but I always let them know why. Say I was talking to somebody about their day, but I just got home and sat on my bed, and lo'-- I'm fucking asleep! Yeah, I'd tell them sorry, I passed out-- haha.
(nobody ever seems to mind this.)
Don't expect anything during school, work or dinner. Just isn't logical to text all the time, everywhere-- hence why I prefer speaking over the phone.
That's demanding too much. Nowadays, you can reach people anytime anywhere, even when they're pooping. They have the right to cut you off when they want privacy or they have to do something or they want peace. Texting isn't real live interaction, so the rules don't have to be the same.
yes. there should be texting etiquette. simply. If you don't know how to text, or don't know anything about emotional intelligence, tone, and compassion, then refrain from its use.
:)
I mean, I like the freedom to walk away in a convo. It's not like I'm FB chatting or something (which is why I hate FB chatting bc I feel obligated to say bye). I just don't like to be held down. I go places without my phone all the time, leave it in my room upstairs for 3 hours at a time, or go on 2 and a half hour runs without my phone (a safety issues haha...) so if I don't text back in .3490230423 seconds it's nothing personal.