When I was sixteen I cheated on my first boyfriend. We were five-hundred miles away from each other because I was spending the summer in a different city. I came clean to him and he was devastated, but we continued to date for another two and a half years. I wish I could say that the rest of the time we were together it didn't happen again. But it did. And always when I was hundreds of miles away.
I rationalized that I was young and stupid.
I thought that I knew in my heart that there was one person for me. I thought that was what I wanted; after all, I had always been a relationship girl. Even after my boyfriend and I broke up I had a string of relationships instead of a string of hook-ups. That is until my last break-up nearly a year ago.
And now I find the idea of monogamy to be less and less appealing. It feels unnatural to me because I feel like I am suppressing a natural urge. And I don't mean just sexually, I am thinking about emotions too. Inside of a monogamist relationship I always found the same three things: suppression of self, lack of independence, and implication of ownership
. Even the lines that I used to swoon over raise huge red flags for me, that make me feel sick to my stomach. Won't you do it, for me? I am nothing without you. You are mine, you are the only one I could ever want.
I have theorized that in the way people find cheating to be an act of selfishness (in which I agree wholeheartedly), I also believe that desiring monogamy could also be perceived as a selfish act. Let me clarify. I do not agree with cheating, because you are thinking about yourself before your partner. But in monogamy, aren't you also doing the same thing? You aren't hurting your partner in the way that you would if you cheated. But isn't your desire of monogamy selfish? Doesn't the notion of monogamy implicate a sense of control that you would have over another person?Do you think that monogamy could be perceived as selfish?