A few weeks ago one of my best friends was describing her last big relationship to me: "We never fought. Never. We dated for two years I can I only recall a handful of conflicts that we resolved effectively without raising our voices," she said to me, obviously very nostalgic of that relationship. "That's what I miss the most. That's what I want back, more than anything."
I started to giggle to myself. Not because I thought that it was particularly funny, but because it was in that moment that I realized that her greatest desire was my biggest nightmare. To her a relationship was meant to be relaxing and calming; life floating on a placid sea. For me however, there must be icebergs. My significant other and I must be in the middle of tempestuous waters.
Why? First, I need passion. And right now I'm not even talking about the toe-curling, can't-get-out-of-bed kind of passion. I'm talking about a person who is passionate about their ideas and opinions, and if they disagree with my own that is sometimes even better. I know that without a healthy debate every once in awhile I will get bored.
I have been in both kinds of relationships. And I found that the relationship where my boyfriend and I fought a lot to be the most rewarding. I was forced to stick to my guns and I became a better persuasive speaker. And it also taught me when and where to pick my battles. Plus, I was never bored.
What kind of relationship do you prefer? How often do you fight with your SO? Do you think fighting can be healthy?
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Comments (38)
I dunno about all that. My boyfriend likes to "debate" as you say and it's annoying as hell if everytime I mention something, he wants to argue it with me. I have pointed this out to him and he sees how annoying it can be. He and I don't fight often but when we do, we talk about it and try not to raise our voices. Try to come up with solutions rather than come up with more problems by being stubborn and yelling. Yep. =)
We wouldn't last.
We use to never fight and I loved him then.
And we fight a lot. And I still love him.
I think that the fighting brings the passion in our relationship
Along with the mutual understanding that without eachother we are nothing.
-shrugs- everyone's different(:
I think fighting can be healthy sometimes, if it doesn't get out of hand, meaning name calling and physical abuse it could be healthy. It makes you stronger as a couple because you learn to handle tough situations together and solve conflict. I get bored in relationship where everyone agrees because at some point it will unravel and people will go their separate ways. Conflict is healthy I think, but then again, I am more like you I guess.
Absolutely. When you argue, you find out exactly what you love and hate about the person, which brings you that much closer together. People are just afraid that they will find out for certain, and they don't want to know if it's one or the other, but when it comes to true love, it is never the case that one or the other is the only state of things. Love and hate always form something more beautiful when they combine.
I see love as two celestial bodies orbiting one another, never facing each other quite the same way twice, constantly falling toward the other but never crashing together, all in an attempt to appreciate each and every side, every possible combination. Spheres and humans have an infinite number of sides, and if they can't (or aren't willing to) show each other all of them, it can't last forever.
The one girl I love(d) was furious this one time, and you could tell she was obviously very mad from what she was saying and (since we were chatting and I couldn't see her face, I said) "I want to see you angry, send me a pic.", and she reacted like "WHY THE F*** WOULD YOU SAY THAT YOU F***ING A***HOLE!!!"...
I understand why that might come off as attempt to provoke her, but you know what I meant by it. I just felt like she is beautiful no matter what, and seeing that side was just something I would want to experience with her at least once (along with everything else of course), but that is something "rare" and "special" to see. I think love is a substrate, and what happens on the surface should be understood to be temporary, and it should be appreciated instead of suppressed, it should be a dynamic torrent of feelings instead of an unstoppable fission of emotions.
I prefer if he expressed his emotions like the phantom of the opera musical
after I saw that show, I was smitten
why can't guys sing to me like that
I don't like fighting. I like being romanced
and adored relentlessly
I used to argue a lot with guys, so I eventually got tired of that and now prefer waltzing in each other's arms like the opera musical
A healthy dose of competition never hurt anyone (unless one of the two is super sensitive!)
However, I think discussing a problem in a mature matter is best. You can talk out disagreements without yelling and hurtful words. That's how my current boyfriend and I are. We've been together for 9 months and I can only recall one time where we have had to sit down and talk something through. It wasn't major, but we talked it over and got passed it.
Besides, we find passion in other ways that doesn't involve arguing. Haha! ;3
I do fight a lot with my boyfriend; very often. Sometimes it's very annoying because we fought for some stupid nonsense, and sometimes it's painful as we brought out the worst in each other. Nothing physical, though. Never. But the part I love is the time when we make up after the fight. Once all the conflicts we had and the arguments we made have been solved, we just become closer to each other. After four years of fighting and making-up, I believe we're still growing strong.
Yup, I love (constructive) conflict. Because without lows, highs don't quite feel that rewarding.
Since my sister is mentally ill. I was forced to evolve and adapt to much conflict while still loving her. And as a result I've grown to understand the benefits of conflict in such a way that many don't understand. She helped me realize that a lot of "normal" people are extremely intellectually dishonest when trying to maintain peace.
I mean, whatever makes you happy is healthy
Fighting and debating are two different things..
Healthy fighting is great. Yelling and pissing matches, not so much.
Debating issues is one thing, but fighting is something I don't like and don't do anymore. I don't even want to know people who like to fight. Debating is fine, but even debating in a relationship is not for me.
3 words: Angry hot sex.
I love charming, funny, and perverted boys. I just wanna have fun and be plastered into the bed sheets!
the last girl i was seeing, i couldnt stand her because all we did was argue.
This doesn't work for my relationship because we don't fight or react to fights the same way. I get extremely mad and blow up, but then I'm totally over it twenty minutes later and I'm ready to apologize and make up. She internalizes everything, goes cold and quiet, and then sulks for hours until she's finally ready to make up. If we both fought the same way, then maybe I'd find more 'pleasure' in fighting, but right now it's hardly enjoyable.
Any level of fighting in conjunction with a relatively happy, respectful, loving relationship is normal, I think. My boyfriend and I..bicker and fume for a little bit. Then forgive each other quickly and be happy again
My boyfriend and I debate often, but it's never been something that escalates to yelling, even if it's a heated arguement. I've have to deal with being yelled at from my mother and my father's blasted girlfriend, and I don't need that from my significant. We're nerds, and usually our debates focus on environmental and political issues, video games, and (like it or not) beautiful women and men. Although we do get pretty loud when we play Mortal Kombat, which is probably the only time we yell playfully.
My relationship is a little bit of both, I suppose.my boyfriend and I rarely fight. that is not to say we don't disagree, because we definitely do, but very rarely does it escalate into a fight where we're both really angry at each other.
I like debating with him. I don't like fighting with him. There's a big difference.
I enjoy having a happy medium.
My fiance and I don't really fight. But we also speak up when we feel the need to.
Debating is fun - and there's a million times when we can agree to disagree, but fighting with someone you love... not fun.
I don't mind having heated discussions every now and again, it's good to have a difference of opinion :] However, I wouldn't want that to be my WHOLE relationship. There have to be times where the mood is mellow, and my boyfriend and I don't have an argument to settle! I am a very passionate person as well, it doesn't take much to rile me up lol.
♥L
-SM
Lol I'm the same way. I hate it when people get all huffy during an argument. Argue & be mature about it, learn something new & possibly change your opinion.