Monday, 19 March 2012
-
Physical Contact First, Relationship Later
I realized after all this time, that my concept of dating has been wrong. I always believed that people should get to know each other before dating and going out and such, but I learned that the complete opposite is true. By engaging in physical contact first, you can find out if you want to pursue further.
Some background on the type of person I was: I wanted to enter a relationship so badly that I refused to do hookups or anything of that sort. I believed that once I'm in a relationship I can do what I want. So after going on a dry spell for 8 years of not kissing anyone, I decided to do something different. I decided to try out the dark side.
Having not kissed anyone in 8 years, I decided that I would take the chance if I had it to hook up with a girl, or make out. I got the chance one night at a club. I met a girl at a club and we danced. As we danced, we got closer and closer until there was practically no space between us and we were cheek to cheek. I decided that this was as good a chance as any to swoop in for a kiss. Instead of being the usual prude who never gave into his primal desires and physical arousal, I took the plunge. It was pretty sweet. The next time we met up was when I learned I had it wrong this whole time.
We went clubbing again and made out some more and as we got closer, we decided to meet up again next week. So basically, we've been meeting up ever since. We basically act like a couple while not having the label of one. This was a total flip around from the way I've been living and possibly the best decision I've ever made in regards to dating.
By hooking up and following up with it, we've gotten closer and are progressing in our relationship. I don't know if we'll be boyfriend and girlfriend, but having someone to make out with, hold hands, and hug in public sure as hell beats being alone with rules and resolutions that only hold you back from an exhilarating experience. Stopping myself from kissing someone and engaging in physical pleasure is a fallacy I truly regret. So for those who believe that you shouldn't kiss or be physical with someone you're not in a relationship with, you are missing out.
I've never been felt so alive. It's exciting and novel. Try it. Add some excitement to your boring single life. Screw those rules and resolutions because you don't know how awesome or bad something is until you try it yourself. Don't live by assumptions of wrongness. Experience yourself to know whether you want to avoid it or not.
What do you think about hooking up before a relationship?
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: lil_KyungMin@xanga
- Name: K-Min
- About Me: I must live life to the fullest!
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 10 Views: 0 42297 Comments: 0 507 View all posts by lil_KyungMin@xanga
Comments (40)
I don't know if that would work for me. I think I need to trust completely and be very much head over heel for someone to be able to open up enought to get physical. But I'm glad it worked out for you.
I've done both, both can work.
"I've never been felt so alive. It's exciting and novel."
LOL I'd imagine any type of physical contact after 8 years would be exciting. Kissing is not the same as hooking up, btw. I don't think I would ever "hook up" with anyone I meet at a bar or club - doesn't seem like a safe and comfortable idea for me personally.
The other issue I have with getting physical with someone you just met (and I don't mean just kissing), is that its easy to establish a booty-call relationship. I'm gonna have to ask: So what happens outside the bedroom and club/bar/party scene? Can I sit through a conversation with this guy/girl when we're both sober?Hmm I think you are on to something. Because yes being single can be such a pain in the ass when physical pleasure is concerned. So I would agree with you on the whole try it. But as a female, if you go to a club and are going there for purely sexual purposes let it be at that. Some guys (unlike your situation) may purely be there for ass, and if your okay with that and is willing to go crazy for one night, go for it. I also would say for girls to be careful who they are hooking up with and what kind of situations they are getting themselves into. What if the guy takes it to a level that she doesn't want and her safety is at risk? Also health concerns of STDs and just anything that can be passed through the mouth. I know I sound so paranoid, and dont get me wrong I agree with your post. I would advise any girl that want to let loose to just do it with caution because there are unfortunately douchebags (not saying that u are one) who don't know their limit.
yes, it turns out that girls are much more motivated (probably subconsciously) by physical touch than anything else. i used to have the same mentality as you did, and it was only after i fell flat on my face with a girl i really liked that i learned you can't fight the system. fortunately, i was still pretty young when that incident happened. wish you learned the same 8 years ago :(
I think it definitely depends on the person. I don't think I would be kissing a total stranger at the club though. But if it works for you, great.
Kissing =/= hooking up. But with Markus (my beau from Germany), we kissed the first night we met, and had a great relationship for over a year. Do what works for you - every situation is different!
M
I have had a lot of long lasting relationships stemming from "jumping the gun". Personally, physical connect is very very important to me.
I only have sex in a relationship, but I definitely do not need a relationship in order to make out. I've noticed, though, that making out is more fun for me when it's with someone I've had some chance of becoming attracted to, and for me, attraction takes some time. I've kissed total strangers, and it wasn't horrible (most of the time), but the ones I remember were when I'd had some time to become attracted to the other person.
Sounds like a good way to catch cold sores, man.
whatever works for you.
I see plenty of attractive guys but I wouldn't randomly make out with them at a club. although I tend to see more attractive guys at random places than at a club. when I was at vegas casino waiting in line to get into the club, I noticed cute guys walking by and then I was looking at the guys waiting in line, and I was thinking wtf am I doing going to the club when the hot guys are outside of the club
anyway, I'd usually fantasize about kissing a guy that I already have a crush on(my boss
), not often just a random. however, I saw a guy the other day at work and he's so cute
too bad I often crush on guys that I can't have or I'm not suppose to date. I mean if a guy would easily makeout/hookup with a girl at a club, then how many other girls has he been involved with, and it just disgusts me that he's touched all these other girls, then tries to touch me. if they are okay with it, then to each their own.
So true
it might work for some, but not for me. I'd rather be in a relationship before having physical contact.
i can totally see how it would work for some people but for me, the emotions are too tied up in the physical. i need to at least know someone fairly well before i'm willing to have a physical relationship.
I've been very much a physical contact first. Sex is easy for me, intimacy isn't...my boyfriend forced intimacy before having sex...he's crafty.
Eh. Well, I used to do that a lot. Like, make out with people random people, or make out with people I just met at the club. It was kind of fun to me at the time, but I think that I did that more because I desired attention from guys. My life has changed a lot recently and I now don't need attention from guys to feel good about myself. The guys that I made out with really just made out with me in hopes that it'd lead to me sleeping with them, and often really pushed for me to. I want a guy who really respects, values and loves me for being me, not for my body. Luckily, I'm surrounded by a community that has the same values as me, because nowadays it doesn't seem like many people value people like they used to.
@mz_d0rkabl3@xanga - sadly our conversations are bland. I don't see myself with her in a relationship becuase other than physical attraction, nothings there. and for the time being, while I'm not with anyone at least I'll have someone to meet up with to have fun with.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - Yea I wish I learned earlier too but my upbringings to be a good boy got in the way of all the opportunities that came my way. I'm slowly working on opening the door of morality and letting some bad seep in. I needed it. It was a breath of fresh air.
Go for it!
IMO:#1. If there is no physical chemistry from the get go, there never will be. #2. Finding out if you are a well matched couple takes a long time -- learning about each other's values, goals, passions, etc. If you don't get on well or have anything in common, it doesn't matter how much you fool around. You still won't like each other. #3 It's hard to go from being really good platonic friends to being passionate.
Bottom line: If you are physically attracted AND are a good match, it will work out! it doesn't matter what comes first, but delaying the hookup too long can be a death wish.
@lil_KyungMin@xanga - that's the funny thing about human interactions.. physical intimacy doesn't make up for emotional connections. Kinda leaves you unfulfilled ultimately, but that's from my personal experience.
Throughout high school, that's the only way I ever figured I'd ever get a relationship. Nobody wants the fat girl in high school, but if I hooked up with them maybe they'd change their minds.
They never did, thouh.
I pulled the same stunt with my boyfriend of almost two years. I think it threw him way off because he hadn't really had any interactions before that one night. Once I figured it out I was kind of scared he was going to think I was a slut and never speak to me again.
Buuut, two years later. :D
I don't really even understand how it can work the other way, though, in real life.. That's what it's like in movies. Dates, waiting for the first kiss and before doing anything with each other. It seems too dreamy chick flick to me. But hey! if it works for some of you.
@nyfemme@xanga - Yes! exactly point #1 was dead on! Physical chemistry has always been important to me and now that I test it out from the get go it's bringing me one step closer to getting to know someone!
@mz_d0rkabl3@xanga - Yea I hear that happens. that's why I didn't engage in physical intimacy in the first place because I heard of the feeling of emptiness. This is relatively new for me so I think for now this is the place I want to be. Perhaps later, I'll feel differently, but trying to live like a saint is just too tiring. I'd rather learn myself than be told of the consequences. I'm a rash young guy. This is the only way I'll truly learn.
be careful. that's all i've got to say.
i used to be like that but in the end it really was just a waste of valuable time.This is how my current relationship began. We've been together for a year. It's pretty awesome.
that's my modo! :)