Tuesday, 13 March 2012
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Sometimes I Love Him, Sometimes I Don't
So I've been seeing this guy for almost 5 months now and things are great between us, except the fact that sometimes I don't feel like I'm in love with him.
At times, I'm so happy with him and miss him so much when he's not around, and other times I start feeling guilty and ashamed that I don't love him as much as he loves me. Sometimes I feel like I don't love him anymore but then these days pass and everything goes back to normal again. This has happened to me four times already and I'm not sure whether this is just me or maybe something that every individual goes through in a relationship.
Please help!
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- From: melli_90@xanga
- About Me: I'm too complex.
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Comments (37)
Maybe you're not going for your type.
I've been with my hubby for 4 years and that happens to me all the time but I hear it's normal lol
@ChristyMaeRendon@xanga - ahhh thank you! do you also feel like you need your own space? He's practically living in with me and today I actually had a talk with him and told him that I need a day off from... him. But I feel bad cos he doesn't feel these emotions that I keep having.
This isn't love if it comes and goes. "This is like. Sometimes I like him, sometimes I don't." I've been with my boyfriend for going on five years, we each have our moments when I'm sure we go "I don't really like him/her right now" but that doesn't have anything to do with how deeply we love each other. Don't feel pressured to use the word love of it doesn't feel right to you. Hold onto it and use it when you feel that you can't keep it in.
@melli_90@xanga - yes well we live together and sometimes i want "me" time but he doesn't understand.. he says, "but don't you want to be with me?" ughh so I just say never mind lol... sometimes i feel like i am crazy about him and i can't imagine being without him and other times when i'm like ugh leave me alone
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You need space and he needs to stop being such a clingy bitch.
@ChristyMaeRendon@xanga - same thing. sometimes I feel so in love with him that I can't imagine life without him by my side. but when these moments come, for every little thing that he does he pisses me off. I don't use the word love so often and I only say it when I really mean it. But I actually thought that when you're in love with someone you stay that way. :/
As I talked to him today, he did say the exact same thing to me. He doesn't understand. And I want my free time without him acting like a baby.@melli_90@xanga - Eh, sometimes we just get sick of them [LOL] and need our own space. Totally normal. :]
I completely sympathize. You are still an individual even if you're sharing your life with someone. This becomes more pronounced when you live with your SO because you end up spending 90% of your free time together and it can be tricky getting some alone time. I love my GF very much but if I don't get enough time to myself (I require very little), I find myself getting moody around her. A day hanging out with my friends or a solo bike ride around the trail and I'm normally back to my loving affectionate self. Get some "me" time in when you start to feeling doubt and see if it helps. Good luck =)
You just need to tell him you need your space, and if he doesn't understand that, maybe he's not the right guy for you. Honestly, if he never gives you some "me-time" or whines about it constantly, it's just going to create resentment and it'll just make things worse. Make sure you tell him you still love him, but that you just need time to do your own thing away from him - he probably feels insecure about it, just reassure him that your feelings haven't changed :)
Yeah this happens to me. My boyfriend sometimes bug the hell out of me and I can intensely dislike him for short periods of time, but at the end of the day I still love him with my heart and soul <3
I think the question you should ask yourself is what do you feel towards him at the end of the day, before you sleep? that's the feeling that is truest, imo.
"Do you love me?"
"Not today."5 months is a very short period of time.
True, deep, honest love can bloom.
In MY opinion, it sounds like surface love, you love him, but are not YET in love with him.
Couples should have space, it is important to be your own individual people and be strong in who you are as well as being strong and solidified as a couple.
As an example, I love my sister very much, but I DO NOT always like her or agree with her choices, but that never ever changes the fact that I love her. Similar concept..
There's a difference between loving someone and needing your space at times, and just completely not loving them at all anymore sometimes...for no apparent reason.
I don't think this is real love..maybe it's the beginning of love, or maybe you're even fooling yourself into thinking you love him when you don't? You say you feel guilty that you don't love him as much as he loves you, you think maybe you're trying to make yourself love him because he loves you? I don't know if this is what you're doing and I can be completely wrong but it kind of sounds like that to me. I've been through something like that before..
So, you should really try and be honest with yourself and think about if you really do LOVE him..or if something else is going on.
omg i'm going thru that with my bf now. we've been together for 5 years.
I think you generally do love/like him, but he pressures you too much maybe, or you feel like it. Some people just have a very 'giving' nature.
I think that's perfectly fine to a certain degree...as long as he's fully confortable with it, it's ok. But if you feel like he does things to make you give something back to him that you cannot give to that degree, or just expects to much, then I agree with those who said that you should tell him you need your space.
Pretty normal. I love my husband, sometimes i just want to cuddle up with him, sometimes i just want to find something really hard to whack him in the face with. Most days everthing is fine great and happy, but every once in a while i just wake up pissed off and pick fights about anything and everything. Lol the other day i was in one of those moods and he was talking about getting a new bed, i told him it was a great idea, and a new house, with different keys, in different cities, on different continents. He just laughed cuz he knows im kidding and need to blow off steam once in a while we get a little need my space cabin fevery. If you really feel like you dont love him then end it so you can both have a chance to find someone to love. Love is not always what we expect it to be, and it takes effort, communication, sacrafice, and understanding to make it work. Without the low's we wouldnt have the up's.
As of right now, everything is normal. I do things for him I never did for anyone else. I love being with him. he makes me laugh, and makes me feel like I'm the most beautiful girl in the world.
But the thing is that I have been having panic attacks in the beginning of our relationship (although they started way before that) and then after the panic attacks I was also suffering from a mild depression. As the depression hit me, I felt horrible. my feelings for him just faded away like a switch. I did not know the reason why or how someone from being so infatuated could just stop feeling anything for his so, out of the bloom. as I talked with my doctor he said it was perfectly normal. since I'm having a lot of ups and downs right now and struggling within myself. But I used to feel this way with my ex as well (whom I considered to be the love of my life) I spent a year with him. But I had my highs and lows with him as well. sometimes I felt like seeing him, sometimes I didnt even feel like kissing him. but when I was about to lose him I realized the true emotions I felt for him. I spent a year thinking about him until I finally moved on.So this guy im seeing right now, Ive been happier with him way more than I have ever been with my ex. And I know I love him to bits. Maybe my problem was that since I live on my own, he started coming frequently and we started living together without even realizing it, turning into a married couple at only 5 months together.
I have commitment issues as well. And since I have this really bad relationship with my father, I tend to compare my bfs with my father all the time. When that happens I feel insecure and somewhat pissed off.
These feeling that I sometimes I have towards my so, are not always constant. that is why I did not leave him. Because when the good times come, I feel like the happiest and luckiest woman alive.
You've been dating for five months, you don't need to feel like you HAVE TO be in love with him at this point.
Reality is our feelings change towards our SO daily even hourly given what is taking place at that time. After sex you probably feel in love with him, but while standing and doing dishes while he's watching tv at that moment you probably feel less love for him.
Seriously, as time goes by the butterflies, feelings of being in love etc. often aren't as pronounced as they were in the beginning....like the novelty has worn off a bit if you will. I don't think it means you are falling out of love but rather that your relationship is now on a higher level and you don't need to feel these because you have become comfortable and secure? I go through the same thing and when I talked to my SO about it he reaffirmed what I just stated here...it's because we have become comfortable, secure and have grown in our relationship. I think it's ridiculous to think we must constantly miss our SO, or constantly feel overwhelmingly in love all the time. Talk to him about how you feel. When you stop feeling love for him all together, stop missing him all together then there is a problem. Just my 2 cents worth :)
@dreamchaser66 - thank you, I have thought about this too. Maybe it's also due to the fact that now I'm comfortable around him and secure. that butterfly feeling you get when u receive a call from him or see him is no longer constant anymore and maybe I mistook that feeling for falling out of love?
I just wish I am not that paranoid on how I feel most of the time.5 months? you don't love him to begin with. 5 years or even a year would be an acceptable time to use the 'L' word. but 5 months is not. if you're having conflicted feelings, take some time apart and figure yourself out. but don't drop the 'L' word until you know what that word means.
@ladyandthemonster@xanga - Well, time does not necessarily define the love you can have for someone. you can fall in love within a month, 5 months or a year. yes, it's true that during the beginning of one's relationship it's all mostly infatuation but it doesn't have to mean that you don't love the guy just because you've only been with him a mere few months. what I tried to convey in my post was to ask whether or not a couple can have moments of conflicted emotions towards their so, as I'm having right now. I'm only trying to understand these emotions and whether or not anyone else is having them too, just for a peace of mind, that is all.
Maybe it's hormone related. almost 5 months....this has happened 4 times? Honestly, I know some people don't believe in pms, but this happens to me, and I notice it is usually when I'm in that emotional week before my period and I just don't really like anyone..
@ladyandthemonster@xanga - so say you. However, it is possible to fall in love with someone after only (or before) 5 months. I/we are living proof and it's been almost 2 years and it's like we just fell in love yesterday. This is coming from someone who was married for 25 yrs and dated some since then so I kinda think I know by now what love is lol. I don't believe "love" has a place in a time frame. Just my 2 cents worth :)