Monday, 12 March 2012
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What's Wrong with Being a "Slut"?
I've been fascinated by sex ever since I was a kid (who wasn't?). I remember being exposed to porn and masturbation at a very young age (thanks, Internet!) and reading graphic sex scenes in teen novels (thanks, library?). As an adult, this fascination has translated into a fascination with human interaction and romance and, well, a rather open stance to sexual encounters.Upfront, I am the farthest from a completely confident woman. Sure, I like who I am and am mostly proud of myself, but I've also got my handful of insecurities and a work-in-progress self-esteem. I realize that sometimes, my reasons for having sex with the person may not have always come from a stable place. But I very rarely regret it.
Recently, I started a relationship with a guy who doesn't have much sexual experience. I joked with my close friends that he wouldn't find out that I was a slut back in the day, and they hurriedly reassured me that I wasn't. I was a little shocked by how quick they were to defend me on something that I was, first, joking about the idea of it, and second, not ashamed about.
I find nothing wrong with sleeping around, unless malicious intent is involved (such as cheating, being irresponsible and spreading diseases, etc.) and think it's awesome when someone "gets some" that night. I also find nothing wrong with waiting for marriage or being selective about who you want to be with, but there seems to be much more negativity associated with the former.I have slept with guys I had just met and never saw again (and never cared to), guys I had no feelings for, and guys I was in friends with benefits relationships with. I've hooked up for the pure fun of it, because I was feeling lonely, because I was getting over someone else. I've also slept with guys I was dating and guys I did have feelings for who didn't feel the same way.
I have tried to use sex as a way to trick myself into believing that a guy will like me more because of it, but I realized long ago that it never works and is incredibly delusional. I do have my boundaries and don't sleep with anyone who asks, but, if I am attracted to someone and am in the mood, I don't say no. I have never been pregnant and am STD-free.So yes, I was (am?) a slut! And I'm not particularly proud of it, but I am definitely not ashamed of it either. My sex life is not something I openly discuss (unless it's anonymously through Xanga, apparently) and it's not something I lead with or define myself to people as, but I'm also not afraid or offended to be labeled as one. Because it's true. And is that so wrong?I'm definitely not saying it "normal" to sleep around with anyone you see - it's all up to personal comfort and preference. I can't help but wonder though, what is with this negative connotation to being a slut? Why is it so okay to have a lot of sex with one person, but not all right to have sex with multiple partners? Do you think it's wrong to be a "slut"?
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About the Author
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- From: fromlusttolove@xanga
- Name: fromlusttolove
- About Me: obsessed with everything lust to love - relationships, dating, hooking up, cuddling, flirting, kissing. i'm just trying to find my true happiness, but i know i have a lot to experience out there. follow me on my journey or not. i'd love to hear about your journey as well, though :) there's nothing unique about me - i spew whatever's on my mind.
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Comments (169)
There's nothing wrong with it unless you're being unsafe about it. Wear a condom. Let's not spread disease around and get pregnant... Or go home with strangers that might be crazy.
I also don't see anything wrong with prostitution either especially if regulations were put into place.
No I don't think it's negative unless you make it that way. You seem to have enough confidence but have your share of insecurities like any normal person. So unless you're having sex to just punish yourself like some people do...then I don't see what is wrong at all. Those who cannot understand a person's different sexual point of view always assume the worst of them.
Honestly, if you're comfortable with it and safe about it, good for you!
No judgement from me!
To answer your title question: Everything.
AIDS
As long as a person is being safe both contraception-wise and not going home with strangers....or sleeping with people who are already in a relationship....do whatever you want! I think as long as you're not doing it and then feeling bad, it's all good!!
Consenting adults, go for it. As long as you're not actually in a relationship and cheating on that person, I have no problems with it.
Well aside of AIDS and other sexually transmited infections I find so sad that people take something that could be meaningful and beautiful and turn it into some sort of a cheap game to distract themselves when they're bored. You see for me sex is a unique way to communicate and express love, moments full with intimacy and closeness between people in love *sigh* everytime I come to read something in datingish I'm more convinced that I was born in the wrong Era, there's no place for me in this world :,(
NOTHING.
@xXxlovelylollipop@xanga - Oh you... I feel the same way. I have always told people, "I was just born in the wrong time!"
Well, aside from sexually transmitted diseases, possible unwanted pregnancy, getting a reputation, possible guilt, shame, angry lovers that you've left in the dirt, random spouses that you may or may not have effected personally and the occasional maniac who "won't let ya go!" and shows up with a gun and cyonide, absolutely nothing!
GAME ON!
@xXxlovelylollipop@xanga - There was crazy perspicuity in all era's. lol. You're just a romantic :D
You know, there was a time when I would have been wildely attracted to that picture. That time has passed. Datingish, please change it or at the very least don't feature it on the Xanga home page. Thanks.
Slut is supposed to be an insult...that's why it's bad to be called that. That's like asking what's wrong with being an idiot.
@LoveeeLikeASunset@xanga - ah, you beat me to it. op: yes, slut is supposed to be derogatory. there is nothing wrong with doing what you want with your body, so long as everyone you fuck (or do whatever with) is on the same page as you.
@xXxlovelylollipop@xanga - i kind of used to be like you (when i was much younger) and realized that nobody else was of the same mentality--so, instead of complaining about it, i had a change of opinion (this was a much more complicated process than i just let on). in fact, i question why i even felt that way in the first place. as far as i can tell, i could meet a girl tomorrow who wants what i used to want out of sex, and i probably would pass up the opportunity for a girl who just wants to fuck and not have all the chains and handcuffs involved.
It's called the "
judgement" thing. We still don't have words for men who are "sluts"...we call them "male sluts". There is no societal punishment for men who squirt their sperm all over the place like silly string. When the "settle down", they are celebrated...while the women are watched...people just wait for them to "trip up".
Men are not usually victims of sexual violence...and later get blamed for it.
Forty years after the sex revolution, and the playing field is still not level....that's what's wrong with being a "slut". People assume they have the right to "punish" women for it..and until we lose that notion, it's wiser not to be one...
If you were a male, the term "slut" wouldn't be used to define you. You'd be a stud, alpha male, pimp, etc. and people of your gender would be rooting you on.
Because you're a woman and we live in somewhat of a patriarchal society, that's why you experience this "slut-shaming". The feminist perspective would state that your sexuality is up to YOU to define, not society.
If you enjoy doing what you do, that's your business and yours only. If you want to change to a more traditional lifestyle, that's up to you. Honestly, I stick with my dad's adage; "Do whatever you want in life as long as you don't hurt yourself or anyone else in the process." Use protection, make your intentions clear, don't lead men on into thinking you'll want more than sex, and of course, only do it with the guys you WANT to do it with. It's the same with drinking - enjoy it responsibly.
Most women nowadays are interested in having sex with other women not with men anyway isn't that true?
Congratulations. You've successfully rationalized behavior that is risky for your health as well as devaluing other people.
I would be impressed, but the Ancient Egyptians, the Indians, and the Greeks have done it better.
There is nothing wrong with it, two consenting adults and all that, but I think it's risky behavior. There are some things I don't do not because of moral issues as much as practical issues.
It's an extension of "don't take candy from strangers" for me
@xXxlovelylollipop@xanga - I'm not sure I would fit in any era, better than this one, but datingsh is still pretty damn disturbing.
I HAVE NEVER READ SO MUCH REDUNDANCY IN MY ENTIRE LIFE
I say this because I won't judge, only God can judge you.
I'm going to go with "I want to get married someday, and it won't be to someone who has had 10+ sex partners."
Some people will disagree with that standard, but some people will disagree with all standards.
It boils down to whether or not people want to hide their preference for sex or not. Some people like to play the game blind and some like every detail.
I suppose there are some weird unfeeling folks out there. Maybe they are able to channel all that energy into other channels. Hurray for them. Boo for all the folks who waste their time and energy into useless causes....