Sunday, 11 March 2012
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Rules for Breaking Up
I am the victim (har har) of my first breakup. In the two months since that has happened, here are some lessons I have learned that I will pass onto you.
1. Do not contact the other person. No ands, ifs, or buts about this one.
2. Alcohol doesn't make things better. Actually, it makes things worse and has a good chance of creating new problems.
3. Do not listen to old voicemails.
4. Do not reread old emails wherein expressions of fondness can be found.
5. Do not look at pictures of you two smiling happily.
6. In general, stop thinking about said person so much.
7. Stop talking about that person. No one wants to hear about it.
8. Nor read about it! Don't blog it either.
9. No cocooning! Go out and spend time with others
10. Be positive. If it didn't work out, why bother dwelling? The future still holds plenty in store for you!
Do you follow any rules when going through a breakup? Have you broken any?
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- From: npr32486@xanga
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Comments (29)
You forgot one. Never drive by their house to see if they have another visiting car in their drive way.
Get rid of all memory and keepsake items. Don't run around spreading tales about them even if those tales are true it only makes you look like a pitiful vindictive arse. Don't indulge in redo's or do overs break the chain and throw away the debris. Remember that you're still you and that's enough.
6. In general, stop thinking about said person so much.
I think that if you block out the memories it only will make it worse. You can't be afraid of remembering what happened between you and that other person. The best thing you can do is remember and just cry it out.6,7,8 i don't agree with; talking or writing about it is just the way of coping with a break up. you can't just turn an off switch on not thinking about it either. People (especially if they were attached to their significant other) will think about it. Otherwise your just repressing it, and not actually learning from the break up. You need to reflect (through talking, writing or thinking about it) to see what mistakes you may have made or how another person may have mistreated you so that it doesn't happen again. However, after a certain time, you are right the person does need to move on.
# 8 however is a good point but im guilty of it. I cocoon like there's no tommorow. I feel like i need to wallow in what just happened to actually what happened. However, like i mentioned above i think after a given time it's safe to get out and enjoy your life. I wonder though if it's ineffective constantly distracting yourself with other things?woah deja vu ;) ... hey npr! *waves* :)
First rule of breakup club: Don't talk about breakup club.
If you don't do any of those things.. such as reflecting and moving on.. how are you to heal my friend?
I disagree with some of this.
1) Yeah, not talking for a while is definitely a good thing, but there's no rule that says you can't try and be friends (or at least civil) again eventually.
2, 3, 4, 5) Agreed.
6, 7, 8) Thinking about the past isn't a bad thing. If blogging helps you get it out of your system, by all means, blog about it. If talking helps, talk. If thinking about them helps you rationalise things, think. There's a difference between dwelling on the past (bad) and rationalising it and getting over it (good). There's nothing wrong with talking about your past if it's going help you get over it.
9, 10) Agreed. Shutting yourself off from everyone is really unhealthy, but make sure also that you don't go out and hook up with/meet someone just because you're lonely. Spend time with your friends/family and don't isolate :) and yes, happy thoughts make a BIG difference, even though they can be hard to come across straight away.
You missed the "throw everything in a bonfire" it actually gives you a huge sense of relief, lol
When I broke up with my ex I went out party with my friends and felt much better, of course, no alcoholI've broken many rules
It depends on the break up. I'm friends with all my ex boyfriends and still talk to them. My boyfriend of four years broke up with me in October and we still talk. We broke up because of various real issues we both could address. If we had broken up because one of us cheated I probably would never talk to him or think about him too much. There's no reason to not be friends though especially if you care a lot about that person.
Ouch, first heartbreak is always the worst, but trust me, other heartbreaks won't hurt so much as this one.
I threw away everything that linked me and my ex. I also did that after "break ups" in friendships. I even burnt pics of my former best friend. Seriously, I think this is the way to go. But then again I was always the one who dumped the other.
Number 10 is so important. Your life will be better, is better without that person. Also just delete things haha.
I just have to mention that most likely, the reason you made this list and have this advice is because you went through most of these things after your breakup.
Although they are hurtful, the majority (minus the alcohol) of these things are natural. If you really care about someone it's impossible to not think about then whether they're in your life or not. As they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder, so yes, the other person no longer being around is going to hurt.
I think it's okay to do all of these things in moderation.
1. Contact your ex.. if you two can be civil with each other, find out what went wrong and what you can improve on next time. It's never just one person at fault.
2. A night out with friends and a couple of drinks can make things better! It reminds you that although you're no longer with your ex, your life is not over. You still have friends who cares about you and you still can go out and have a good time. It may even help you not think about the breakup for a little while.
3. & 4. Listen to/Read the voicemails/emails, and then delete them. Get it out of your system.
5. Look at the pictures... as they're burning in a bonfire you're having with your friends!
6& 7. Think/Talk about your ex, get it out. It's nearly impossible not to do anyway.
8. Read/Blog. It's not going to hurt you to read things and/or get your feelings out.
9. None? Sometimes it's good to spend time by yourself...after all you were the one in the relationship.
10. Again, nearly impossible. Think about things, but don't let it consume you.
Like I said I think you can do any and all of these things after a breakup, as long as it's in moderation. Don't start stalking your ex, make sure you do get out of the house and do other things, etc.. but you need to talk about it and face what has happened to heal.
I agree. Alcohol only exacerbates things.
This list only applies to bad break ups really.
if its anything i learned from mine, #1.
Getting over someone is easier said than done. For the most part, though, keeping your distance is always good advice. . .
♥L
-SM
11) don't make it any worse than it has to be. Keep drama to a minimum. You will thank yourself later.
12) don't air your dirty laundry, just because you aren't dating the person anymore, keep the details and secrets to yourself. My coworker broke up with her last boyfriend because his dick is small. It's not cool to tell the whole community that about him, embarrassing for him, and makes her sound like a douche too! And now what guy wants to go with her? If she is going to tell shit about him to everyone?
@ccccourage@xanga - It's hard not to though when the guy actually makes a dick move. If you're smart enough, you can do it without tarnishing your own reputation.
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This totally applies to me... it's been a month
easier said than done?