Saturday, 10 March 2012
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Which Came First? The Psycho or The Dirtbag?
So - I've been seeing this guy who is currently taken. I know, I know. Spare me the lecture. Last night we were out having drinks and he had to step out to take a phone call from his girl. After returning, he looked at me and sighed and said "Is it bad that I want to spend more time with you than my girlfriend?" Hah. Not for me!I know what all the women reading this are thinking about this comment: "UGH! What an asshole! What a slut!"
I see it differently. This situation is a classic example of the old "chicken and egg" conundrum. Let's rewind a little bit. This guy and I worked together briefly and never so much as flirted during that time. He's an attractive, nice guy - respectful, sweet, great sense of humor and smart. A normal guy. So what drives a normal guy to go behind his long-term girlfriend's back and start an illicit affair with a chick like me?
She's a psycho.
This guy had to get two phones because his girlfriend insisted on having the password to his first phone. His Facebook page is a barren wasteland consisting of one picture and under 60 friends. Having a publicized social life apparently caused him too much grief. Long before he and I even acknowledged any sort of attraction, she was questioning my name in his phone... at the time I was his manager. Everyone that I work with has my number, in case emergencies arise while I am not present at work. That explanation did not suffice and was relegated to the "secret phone."
Now - given that he's cheating, all of that behavior makes perfect sense, right? He can't be trusted.
WRONG.
All of that took place before the cheating. The only difference now is that he's actually getting laid rather than just being accused of getting laid. Which option seems more attractive to you?
Here's the point. We all have a reasonable expectation of privacy. Going through every electronic communication medium that your partner has access to does not make you attractive and frankly, it's an indicator that your insecurity and paranoia have already reached critical levels. On top of that, ANYTHING you find will set you off. OMG! He said, "Hey" to a girl that I don't know and didn't tell me about it? HE MUST BE CHEATING!
Please, do yourself a favor and channel all of that pent up craziness into something more useful - like the stair master or becoming the world class sniper on Call of Duty.
Cheers.
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- From: xvodkainhell
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Comments (65)
You're gonna get a lot of shit for this, especially here on Datingish, but I've been there, too.
Human relationships aren't all black and white, and sometimes things just work out differently sometimes. Out of respect for yourself, I hope you'll get sick of it someday and give him an ultimatum: You or her?If all this is true, he doesn't need to be with her in the first place because it's silly and he should have left a long time ago. But two girlfriends are better than one to him, and you'll get sick of it real soon.
Why doesn't he break up with her? He continues to let her treat him like that, she's going to think that's how relationships work. Right now you're just making excuses for why she's sleeping with you, but you failed to mention why he's even dating her.
wow... sometimes I wonder why people like you can enjoy the company of someone while I, (a person who would never cheat or be the other woman), get the douchebags and assholes?
Calling this girl a psycho whether she is or not, is only helping you sleep better at night. it's almost comparable to saying "oh she got raped because she was dressed like a slut. she was asking for it" fucking pathetic.So it doesn't bother you that instead of breaking up with her, he decided to lie to her and see another woman on the side?
You've set a pretty convincing argument here for ...why he should break up with the chick, not for why he should cheat on her. Please tell your cheating lover a stranger on the Internet said he needs to grow a pair and be honest with the loon, 'cause as it is, he sounds like all the other douchebags.
@Megan - Agreed.
She's a psycho, he's a jerk, and you're an idiot for being involved.
With all due respect, this guy should just break up with "psycho girlfriend" so you and him could move on freely. It isn't fair to both of you (and the crazy chick).
He should be a man and break up with his girlfriend, and you shouldn't be so fucking stupid as to get involved with a taken man.
i personally love getting girls to cheat on their boyfriends. there's a certain ego boost to knowing that i can outclass any other guy.
@KasumiCelesta@xanga - He probably wants to have his cake(s) and eat it too. Or that he's fearful of his life to break loose with the girlfriend.
Do you feel important or something, like you're worth more? Know that as it was done so will it be done, meaning that he might leave you for someone better. Then again, why would I care what you do?
You're still both cowards. I don't care how psycho she is. He needs to have the balls to break up with her and you need to learn respect for others. You had no business getting in between their relationship no matter how shitty it is. And frankly I think you're naive for getting involved period. This will not end well for anyone.
I read posts like this and then understand what's wrong in the world. Do people have no common decency? Do you REALLY think it's okay to be screwing some other girl's boyfriend just because she's paranoid? They're together. Period. If he really cared about you, he would have broken up with her already.
Please just shut the hell up. If it's such an issue, why can't he just break up with her instead on going to your slut ass like a damn coward? He's a pathetic loser.
Oh wait, I know the answer to that. Because you're just a slut that he wants to USE. You're not that important to him enough to dump her for you.
"jyeah, I pucked ya man. sick inspector gadget on me, bishh
fyi: i be in hell with mi vodka drank
"
Um...wise up, grow up, respect yourself and your fellow human beings. He is lying to you and her. More than likely he already has cheated = why his girl checks on him like she does.You are just the new disposable meat sack on the side, falling for his BS. Why would you even want a guy that would do that? He doesn't want you really or he would break up, not cheat. Duh. He is playing you both.
If you don't love the person you're with, how is it even remotely fair to lead them on and lie? I'm sorry, but after being cheated on about five times, I can honestly say, there is no excuse for infidelity whatsoever. So she's crazy, let them duke it out, and stay out of it.
Scum.
ironic, my ex broke up w/ me because he had met another girl that worked w/ him as well.
i just hope you and him and my ex and his broad have a happy life.
Let me tell you something lady, no matter how "psychotic" his girlfriend is, THE RESPECTFUL and SMART thing to do would be to break up with her before getting involved with you. Now he's just a dishonest scum bag leading her on and you're no better than him, so please stop with all the justification you are trying to do on his behalf and yours. At the end of the day, what you two are doing is still wrong. No need to be gloating all over it.
If he would MAN UP, he wouldn't be needing to have a secret phone or a slut by the side. Just saying. But I guess being a wuss, you'll have to pay the price for it. I guess you two deserve each other then.
I never understood why it's so hard for people to end relationships they can't stand to be in? I mean I cheated, once, but that was in high school and I learned from my mistakes since then. As "grown" "mature" adults you should have a better mentality than a high schooler. I was 15 and learning about what it was like to date for the first time in my life. You sound like you're a lot older than a 15-year-old, so you should act like it.
This reminds me of an episode of one of those CSI cases where a guy murders the women he has relationships with if he likes someone new instead of ending it with him. It's not to that extreme here, but the woman he was trying to kill last told the scum bag he could have just divorced her instead of trying to kill her. Same concept, though. There is no justification for cheating when you're supposed to be grown adults ever. Just like there's no justification for violence when someone tries to physically abuse someone for cheating.
Sorry, but I've been cheated on, and I have to whole-heartedly disagree.
I gave him ALL of his personal space. 8 months later, come to find out, he was cheating on me. Yeah. And it happened again. And again. And again.
Come to find out, he was lying to this other person. Saying I was crazy, and I was not. saying I did all of these horrible things to him, when I did not do anything wrong. He was just a lying bastard. I loved him with all my heart, and I never once took his freedom away, and look what he did! Chances are, he's just using you for when they get in a normal fight that EVERY human has. Chances are, you're being used and lied to. I pity you. If you date somebody, then you should have all access to everything. If there's nothing to hide, then there is NOTHING to see.
Posts like this make me sick. It's not necessarily that you and him are fucking up that's pissing me off (we're only human), but the fact that you're nearly gloating and defending both of your actions! Despicable! There's no justification as to what you're doing.
It doesn't matter how unhappy he is with her, whether or not she's as "psycho" as he says. Evidently, all you have is HIS side of the story. It's about respect for yourself and others, and apparently you have none of that and neither does he. And anyway, for his S.O. he should have tried harder to build her trust and confidence rather than subject himself to more secrets. A secret phone? Really? If he couldn't handle working it out, then he should have let his balls drop and left her. Ha, what a real "man" this punk is.
And I'll judge all I want because I've been there. I've been the other woman and I understand the selfish gratitude and ego boost it gives like @TheNotoriousGOD@xanga mentions. But honestly, the satisfaction of it only lasted so long. I felt like a tramp, and that's exactly what I was for partaking. Like I said, people make mistakes...but you, you don't even truly recognize it as a mistake.
What I did is something I keep to myself. I grew the fuck up. You should too.
There is NO excuse for cheating. No matter how psycho the girlfriend is. I have to agree with a lot of other people's comments. Even if she is psycho, you're just saying that to justify knowingly being "the other woman". You KNOW that you're helping this douchebag cheat on his girlfriend and you're posting it here on Datingish as if it were something to be proud of. This post makes me so angry. What was the point of it in the first place? Are you trying to get advice?
Disgusting.You brag about helping a man cheat well lets see how much big talk you will be doing when its your heart that hes putting through hell.And if hes lying to her it means hes most likely lying to you as well but if hes still in a relationship with her then I hate to burst your big egotistical bubble that means he loves her and your just an easy ignorant piece of ass.Excuse me for my reply but its people like you that make me sick to my stomach.These days it seems love is a four letter lie.But in my eyes you are a whore because what your doing is cruel.If she finds out she might just wipe the floor with your face because if indeed like you insinuated shes a psycho ,you will get your reward which is a fist to that pretty little mouth you love to run so much.There is no justification for being what you are.But believe me when I say payback can be a royal bitch because love can hold even the key to elimination of unwanted pests.Never test someone elses emotions because at times the results can be quite deadly in the least. I may not know you but I have seen your type before.
@UnconventionalButterfly@xanga - I've talked a girl like her before. Apparently, girls like her tell themselves that they just wanna have some fun with the guys they want. They don't care if someone's taken or not because they don't wanna be in a relationship with a scumbag anyway. They just like to touch the sixpack (and scumbags apparently have the best ones). So no, they don't mind.
Oh, and the girls also feel an ego boost because they can make someone cheat. Little did they know that the guys willing to cheat with them have never been fully committed to their girlfriends.