Most people fall out after the "honeymoon" phase. For some reason comfortable scares us. It's hard to finally start to tell things that you've been holding in, or stop making sure you look perfect for every single date. Being comfortable with someone is something that strikes a fear. For me, it's always hard to get past this step.
It's easy for me to be swept off my feet, but it's really hard for me to start to show my flaws and tell someone about the things I have been through. I don't think anyone likes admitting that at one point or another, they were wronged, or did something shameful.
There is a difference between arguing and fighting. Arguing can be constructive, it can bring two people to a mutual understanding, if done the right way.
Fighting is never healthy. Calling names, raising voices, emotional abuse, it's all bad. I've learned that constructive criticism will always be around. I will never be the perfect girlfriend so when I do something that may be a bother to my significant other, I would much rather sit down and solve the problem than let my temper get the best of me.
I'm scared of love, I think most of us are. It's scary to know that someone has a control over you. The ability to hurt and break you at any second. That is the scariest part for me. I know that the second I let my guard down, I might shatter because I've been there. But if I didn't trust and let my walls fall down, I would have never learned that getting hurt only made me stronger.
I know what to look for and what not to do.
Feeling loved and loving is a great feeling in general, so when it approaches you, don't shut it down. Keeping a safe distance until you are ready to let go can do the heart good.
Never underestimate the power of your mind. If your mind is telling you one thing but your heart is saying another, don't hesitate to figure it out. Some people brush it off and figure that it will wash away on it's own, but when it comes down to the end, you are the only person who knows what is best for you.
If your heart is telling you to stay and your head is saying get out, chances are you should evaluate the situation you are in.
Being single isn't bad. Personally, I am not good at being single. I enjoy being in a relationship. But after getting out of a long one, before throwing yourself back out there right away, take some time to yourself. Go out with friends, enjoy it. You need time to heal. If you aren't happy with yourself, nobody will ever be happy with you.
Relationships take sacrifice. Don't just assume to not change at all while with someone. People change when times change. Two people can grow and change together. For example, your significant other might like going out to the bars every weekend and you would much rather stay inside. So he/she might start spending more time inside, or you start going out. That is what change is. You change what you normally do, to make that person happy, to spend time with them and that is sacrifice.
Know your boundaries. Do not ever let someone make you feel uncomfortable or unwanted. Putting yourself in potentially damaging situations can not be any good for you. Stand your ground and walk away.
I'm that girl. The one who thinks she has it all figured out but really has not a clue. I know how it feels for my heart to be warm and I've also felt it cold and sunken into my chest. I've fallen and it's taken me a while to bring myself up, but if there is one thing I do know, it's that I'm still learning.
I don't think it's even possible for everyone to know how to successfully maintain a relationship without some sort fault. I get so many questions asking about relationship advice, from my family to people I don't even know. I like to say that I know a lot because of my past, but I really don't.
Don't be a bitch to your boyfriend because nobody likes a bossy, controlling, pushy woman.^ The best advice I've ever given to anyone.
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Comments (12)
I don't know what fights you've been in, but you can have a disagreement without calling someone names or being hateful, it's called being an adult.
That really helps point out how mixed up a species we humans are! Learn to take a step back from time to time and gain some perspective into your life! We usually only ever look at ourselves when things are going bad, and rarely when things are going good, but the key to success is to analyze yourself when things are going good so you can replicate that in all other aspects of your life! :)
My boyfriend and I are so comfortable with each other that it used to scare me. I'll admit we've had skirmishes in the past because of my insecurities, but I've learned to trust.
I noticed not many people like going into the comfortable phase, but I guess I'm the opposite of that. I love being a hopeless romantic and getting swept off my feet like you do, but what excites me more is knowing when I can be comfortable with someone. Just knowing you can let all your flaws show and not have to hide things... that's what I look forward to. I don't have to wear a mask; I can be who I truly am.. that's the best feeling. A lot of "girlfriend types" hate the comfortable part of the relationship... I'm the woman who's "wifey material" - someone who's not in it for just the fun, but for all the goods, the bads, the ups, the downs. The person who puts their significant other before them.
My boyfriend and I.... kind of... just went through a 3 day fight. There was no name calling, no hitting, no screaming. It was just us being brutally honest about how we felt about our relationship. It was needed. Yes, it was a fight, because things weren't how they usually are, but it was healthy. Now we are right back on track to being better than ever.
You can fight in a healthy manner.
This is a great post! and that last bit of advice is so true :P The entire post had some great advice, especially the part about not being afraid to let love in. Too many of us are scared to take the risk when it could potentially be something great. Sure, it could go the complete opposite but you never know if you never try... :) You said it best when you said "But if I didn't trust and let my walls fall down, I would have never learned that getting hurt only made me stronger."
@Saridactyl@xanga - Couldn't you have said that without being a cunt? It's called decency!
Great post!
@amateurprose@xanga - That was my intent, but maybe i'm loosing my touch.
I think it's interesting that many people don't like the "comfortable" stage. That's where I am, and I'm very happy with it. :) In fact, I think that if people accept the comfortable stage as a good thing instead of seeing it as the end of excitement, etc., then the honeymoon stage continues and they go hand-in-hand. My boyfriend and I are completely content. We are not all that exciting, and that's why we're still happy- because we expect and enjoy normalcy. We still do silly things every once in a while, but mostly we sit around and be boring. And there's nothing wrong with that. :)