Wednesday, 29 February 2012
Okay, hate is an exaggeration. So, “have issues with” is a better term. Here's the story--I used to talk to a guy several months back but for various reasons that I will talk about below, nothing ever really transpired between us. He was a nice guy and we did have amicable conversations, but witty repartee does not a relationship make. Forming a relationship takes time and effort and It seemed like he didn’t have much of any, which is a red flag in my book for a couple of reasons,
#1. This was already happening and we’d only known each other a few weeks, so I can only imagine it would be even more of an issue if we made it to the stage where we were considering a relationship and,
#2. I know that if a guy REALLY wants to see you, the only thing that could stop him is a bullet!
In the beginning when we were actively speaking, I waited to see if he’d ask me out and I even dropped hints that I felt we should. While he acknowledged that he looked forward to taking me out, it never came to fruition. Rather early on I resigned myself to the fact that this was probably going nowhere since he really didn’t seem to be active in pursuing me or showing me he wanted to be more than friends. I’d return his text to be cordial or if I was bored because by his efforts or rather lack thereof, he was proving to me he was, at best, an entertaining text buddy. No harm, no foul.
Anyway, the other night I was prepping for an important work-related event and out of the blue, I see a text from him. Needless to say, in the frame of mind I was in at the time, I was less than thrilled. I was already stressed out and I had a million things floating around in my head…the last thing I needed was number 1,000,000 and 1! I just didn’t want to deal with it.
Mind you, he wasn't on my list of favorite people since this was his attempt at contacting me after pulling not one but two disappearing acts all due to a "crazy work schedule.” Are you buying that excuse? Nope? Well, neither am I! Believe me, I understand about having a packed schedule. There's nothing wrong with focusing on your career but don’t expect others to wait for you as you do so.
At this point, I was fed up and told him straight out that I thought it was for the best that we had stopped talking. He, of course, disagreed with me, and apologized for not being there citing it was because of work (broken record, I tell you!). This time around, he also added another reason I hadn’t heard from him before which was that he was partially trying to play it cool because he had been hurt in the past and he was afraid of developing deeper feelings that I couldn't reciprocate and that he feared getting hurt again.
I can appreciate the sentiment but I was still not 100% convinced. To top it all off, however, something even more unusual happened—finally, after talking off and on for MONTHS, he actually asked me out on a date (insane, isn't it?)! I had to re-read the text like 3 times to make sure my eyes weren’t deceiving me. However, I couldn’t be sure if he genuinely wanted to spend time with me or if it was just some last ditch plea to try to at least get back in my good graces, so I didn’t permanently lock him out of my life.
Whatever his motive may be, he did actually make an effort to step his game up...so maybe this time will be different? I don't know but I doubt it.
That is not to say I completely disregarded the possibility that he really did have a change of heart but the thing is while I was trying to be impartial in considering his offer, I couldn’t help but think that, even if I decided I wanted to go out with him, there was a mental block that would prevent me from giving him a fair chance. The reality of it is—he was already tainted in my eyes. I can’t seem to overlook the fact that he has shown me that he has a propensity to drop in and out of my life so he already had a few strikes against him.
I’m entirely open to the notion that I may be making a mountain out of a mole hill and some people out there may say, “wipe the slate clean” and see where it leads with him. Then the question now is: Is that a wise choice?
What do you think--Would you be willing to give someone a shot despite the fact that they’ve displayed some characteristics/actions you didn’t approve of? Would you be able to overlook these things in order to proceed with dating them?