Thursday, 23 February 2012

• You Have to Kiss a Few Frogs

  

  We’re all familiar with the typical end of date play by play: the man gets out of his car and walks his date to the door. This is the point at which the man would attempt to kiss her. If that’s what she wants, it’s a mutual success.  However, on the flipside, if she chooses to decline his advances, she is in the perfect position to give him a consolation kiss on the cheek or a hug because after that, she can coyly hurry off into the house, saving them both undue awkwardness.

  I, however, live in NYC, the land of late nights and subways.  Most people here don’t have a driver’s license, so dates here don’t always involve a car. If the “walk her to the door and try to lay one on her” scenario is eliminated, how do men try to steal a kiss from their fair maidens at the end of the night you may ask?  Well, in my experience, a guy will usually say something like, “we should go for a walk” or “let's go somewhere quieter” ....all code words for "I want to take you somewhere more secluded so I can try to stick my tongue down your throat. "

  If you're having a great time and are already deciding whether you're going to change your last name or just hyphenate when you two get hitched, then Mr. Super Great Date whisking you off for some liplocking time is a welcomed event.

  However, if you're not that fortunate and your companion for the evening turns out to be a person you'd much rather pay NOT to kiss you, you probably want the date to end as soon as possible and you feel nothing but anxiety and forebodingness at the prospect of your date possibly attempting to slobber you down.

  So, what is a girl to do? 

  In this scenario, I can’t help but to think of a phrase Oprah always used to reiterate on her show: “Don’t let them take you to the second location!” Oprah originally coined this saying for the situation in which a female is abducted. What it basically means is that the female should try with all her might to avoid being transported from the original location of the abduction to a second, usually more desolate place because if her abductor is able to get her there, she has very little chances of escaping.

  While obviously a bad date is not as dire as being kidnapped, Oprah’s phrase is still somewhat applicable. If you want to avoid the possibility of a kiss all together, your best bet is to try bringing the date to an amicable close…before he even suggests going somewhere else.  

  Believe me, I understand that this is sometimes easier said than done, especially if you want to be as polite as possible and not just abruptly end the date. Anyway, this brings me to my next point: On 1 or 2 occasions, I have reciprocated with a kiss even if I really wasn’t that interested.

  Before you get on my case, let me just explain that if you’re sitting with the guy and his arm is around your shoulder and you feel him oh so slightly pulling towards you and then you see his hand coming up to draw your face towards his, short of making a run for it and then changing your number so that he can never contact you again, please enlighten me on how you can gracefully escape a kiss at this point?

  In my opinion, you really can’t. It's either you follow through with the kiss or as most of you are probably thinking—you can pull away. I’ve also been there and I can tell you that is one of the most awkward positions to be in ever—having to be next to a guy who you just rejected and then having to make small talk on the way back to the subway. Without fail, because the dating gods are laughing at you, odds are you two are going to take the same train home!

  So, how do you get out of a kiss? Have you ever given a “pity kiss”?

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