Wednesday, 22 February 2012
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Proposing to My Boyfriend
I'm proposing to my partner on the 29th. I've got a watch engraved with "Will you marry me?" but that's as far as I've gotten. I have no idea how, where, or when to do it!
Does anyone have anything helpful advice?
Guys, how would you like being proposed to? Ladies, have any of you proposed to your SO?
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About the Author
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- From: andweknowthis@xanga
- About Me: Hey, I'm a 22 year old mum of one. I'm also a student and work part time, so my life is pretty full on. In my spare time I work out, listen to music, sleep and hang out with my friends. I don't smoke and I rarely drink.
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Comments (82)
Good luck!:)
One of our friends asked him when he was going to propose to me, and he told her that he doesn't really want to get married. Too bad, I say! Hopefully he says yes though... If he says no I'm telling him no more kids (he wants three more) until I've got a ring on my finger and no more sex for three months since that's how long the waiting list is for the birth control I'd want. Maybe that would influence his decision if he doens't say yes (he wont outright say no but there's a chance he'd say something like 'i need to think about it').
i never heard of such a thing. a woman proposing? what a wonderful thing.
simple and romantic would be good. nice long walk whilst talking, or picnic/beach. talk about life, both past and future you envision, give the man confidence in making the decision.
So wait, one of your friends asked him when he was going to propose and his response is "he doesn't really want to get married?" That doesn't sound promising. And if he says no, you're going to manipulate him in hopes that he'll marry you? Yeah, that's a great start to any marriage, that is, if you do get married.
Oh goodness, I thought I was going to read this with a sweet, romantic story about how the girl wanted to be different and couldn't wait to marry the man of her dreams.
Instead I found a story about a man who has expressed that he doesn't want to get married and a female who decided she's going to manipulate him to get what she wants. No wonder women get a bad name.
Don't propose until you two are on the same page and you learn to respect his wishes. You're putting him in a pretty awkward situation by forcing him to either hurt your feelings or agree to something he isn't sure about.
@heart_leigh@xanga - Ummm if I don't want anymore kids until I'm at least engaged I don't really think that it's manipulating him by telling him so. I didn't realise that he didn't really want to get married (he's said that he wants us to be together 'forever'), but who knows if that's really how he feels about it or if he just felt under pressure by my friend.
And @lttlegel@lovelyish - if he hurts my feelings that's fine, I'll get over it. If he's not sure he won't say yes, I know that. If he says yes the wedding wouldn't be for about four years anyway as we wont be able to afford it until he's finished studying and in a good job.Even if he says no we'll still have a long and happy life together, that i'm sure of.@andweknowthis@xanga - "If he says no I'm telling him no more kids (he wants three more) until I've got a ring on my finger and no more sex for three months since that's how long the waiting list is for the birth control I'd want."
Perhaps I misread what you were trying to say, but I will say there's nothing wrong with not wanting any more children since I'm assuming you already have one child together. That's not manipulation. What IS manipulation is that you're considering not having any more kids with him until you get a ring, and withholding sex (yes, I know until you get your birth control.)
And this tidbit stuck out at me, "MAYBE THAT WOULD INFLUENCE HIS DECISION IF HE DOESN'T SAY YES (he wont outright say no but there's a chance he'd say something like 'i need to think about it')." How is that not manipulation?
Well, personally I'd wait for the guy. Don't have the nerve to break tradition but if you are comfortable enough and confident he won't be offended, I don't see anything wrong with it persay. Nothing wrong with the girl taking the first move.
I proposed to my fiance first ;3 I did it through a yummy cake and yummy dinner I cooked.
I hate how these people just come in and immediately JUDGE her.
Uhh hello, calm down. It's her life, and if she wants to do something, then let her. Frankly, she did not ask for an opinion of what you think of her plan, her judgment, or her thinking.And to the author of this post, I wish you luck. If I was proposing a dude, I think I'd do something big. Like a flash mob or something lol. Of course, it's too elaborate and detailed (and probably requires a lot of friends or a lot of money). But I'm not of a traditional type of girl. I'd like to be proposed to, that's all. But heyy, more power to you :)
@heart_leigh@xanga - Sorry, that last bit was kinda just me making a bit of a joke about it - I thought there was a funny smiley at the end of it but it looks like it was cut off. I wouldn't try and manipulate my man, I know that manipulation wont get me far and would end up with one or both of us unhappy and/or hurt! You might be able to tell, but we have an amazing relationship - amazing enough that I'm going to go ahead with asking him even though I know he might not say yes. And I think it's perfectly fair that I don't want to have anymore kids until I'm at least engaged... would have preffered to be married even for the first one but once it happened I realised that it doesn't matter as much as I thought it did, even though it would be nice. Anyway, it's my life. Judge away.
@Hinase@xanga - That's so cool :) Did you buy him a ring or anything or did you just ask him?
So, you know he wants three more kids. Does he know you don't want to have anymore until you are married? I think you have the order all wrong. I would suggest having a conversation about you not really wanting anymore children without the commitment of marriage, and that you do not want to have sex until you can get the birth control you need (or ask him to use a condom?). Then a separate conversation about your desire to get married, and would like to know his thoughts. Only then should you consider asking, if he seems at least somewhat open to the idea at some point
I can only offer you one man's opinion, but I think this will go badly. Guys don't typically deal well with pressure to marry. It tends to push us away. Conversations about it are good though. I really like the idea of a girl willing to propose, it's the other details that seem misguided. Good luck in whatever you decide though!
@Luv_is_infinite@xanga - Thanks hun. And OMG that would be awesome... but as I don't know if he'd say yes for sure then it could be awkward haha. I've arranged for someone to watch baby and planned a menu and told him we're going out for dinner... not gonna say where or anything just take him there. Gonna have it by the water with blankets and candles in jars and i've written him a card telling him all the things I love about him etc:) Pretty excited! I'm not the kind of person who waits for things when I want them haha I'd rather go for things and be let down but know that I've tried, yknow?
@Luv_is_infinite@xanga - It's datingish. She posed the question on here. And she elaborated what she had to say. Yes, it's her life. That's true. However, you call it a judgement. I call it an opinion. Get over it.
@andweknowthis@xanga - Again, it's my opinion. By all means, do whatever makes you happy.
@ServedCold@xanga - I don't mind too much if we have more kids before, but I'd rather we were married first... in saying that though, we're trying for another at the moment! He doesn't seem opposed to getting married at some stage although I know he doesn't want to yet, (apart from the comment to my friend)... but like I said it would be about four years before we could actually get married. He looks at the picture of rings I stick on the fridge with amusement (but he does look, I've seen him!) and we've been through alot.
If he was going to be pushed away, he'd be gone a long time ago(oh have we been through alot in the last few years). He's the kind of guy who would take this as a compliment even if he doesn't say yes :)
@heart_leigh@xanga - And she said "how these people just come in", like we kicked in the OPs door and thrust our opinions. Crazy.
@andweknowthis@xanga - You know your relationship far better than any of us, and it sounds like a great one. I think your plan for how/when is a good one. I think a guy would like it best if it was private, and not extravagant.
I'm going to wait for my man to propose to me.
I'm generally against someone proposing before a serious conversation about marriage happens. I'd say sit down and talk about your wishes and your plans in life and how getting married plays into it if you haven't already. You propose after you guys have that talk and you see where his head is. I'm married but we didn't have an official engagement so my husband didn't really propose. If he did though, I think I would have appreciated something very intimate with just the two of us. A nice dinner, cuddling on the couch...something like that.
I also would suggest getting some birth control if he's against getting married right now. I'm not really understanding why he wants you to have his kids before he marries you or why you guys are "trying", but I guess I'm just old fashioned in that way. I would think he would be willing to cement his commitment to you in some visible and actionable way if he's trying to start a family. Plus, marriage is good security. If something should happen to one or both of you, as a spouse you have some rights and a voice. That's something great to have as the mother of his kids.
I also don't understand why you guys would wait four years to tie the knot so your guy can be done with school and have a good job, but you won't wait to have kids until then. That seems backwards to me, and that's not me being old fashioned. If you can't afford a party (that's basically what a wedding is to me, a big ass party) and your situation in life isn't suitable for a wedding, I don't think it's fair to purposely start bringing kids into the mix. Marriage issue aside, why don't you guys wait to have children until his situation stabilizes? I think that's the fairest option for you both as well as your children.
I also think you don't need a wedding to get married. My husband and I didn't have really have a wedding, though we got married in a church. That's a separate issue, though.
@heart_leigh@xanga - I don't really think his comments to the friend is a good indicator of his willingness to marry her. I've been in the same situation where people would ask me things, I'd give one answer, then when confronted with the actual situation did the exact opposite. In fact, less than a month before I actually got married I was asked if I was ready or wanted to get married and I didn't really give a definitive answer. A little before then I was actually flirting with the idea of breaking up.
This is just a round about way to say that his answer to his friend can be how he really feels, or it could have just been how he felt at that moment. If really confronted with the prospect, though, he might be receptive.
In all honestly, I would feel so emasculated if my girl proposed to me.
@heart_leigh@xanga - Hon, get over what? You're the one nitpicking the little stuff
And she didn't even ask for any opinion about her. She asked for an opinion about a good proposal.lol and before anyone gets crazy and argue some more about this, I will leave you with a blessing proposal :)
best of luck