Wednesday, 22 February 2012
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The Truth About Preference
I'm growing bald; I've been growing bald since I was 15. Because I have genetic baldness, it's something that I don't have much control over. People have always told me that I have no reason to be upset about it; after all, I have little to no control over it, so why should I be upset over something that I don't have the resources to change? Even still, getting used to the fact that I was growing bald, that I was going to lose my hair that I felt helped me look physically attractive, is not something that I can just get over and accept.
Being 15-16 years old and already experiencing noticeable hair-loss, I was scared; not because of something I'd have to get used to, but because I felt like no woman would ever find me physically attractive. I understood the basics about DNA, and I saw no reason for a woman to be interested in me as a life partner. Why would a woman have a child with me when she would know that the child's chances of developing baldness would increase?
I was single for several years, and I considered my baldness an imperfection that prevented me from getting a girlfriend. I couldn't come to terms with it, and thinking about it only made it worse. I wanted a relationship, but felt that I was doomed to be single for the rest of my life. I sort of gave up "trying" to find a girlfriend.
What's this got to do with the title?
Well...the biggest mistake I made when being single was I didn't really understand the difference between a preference and necessity. Whether or not women want to admit it, most women would prefer a man that has good hair. Just because I was growing bald didn't really mean that it was going to prevent me from getting a relationship, it just meant that I wouldn't have the chance to date every single woman in the world.
When I was single, I wanted to impress every woman because I thought that it would increase my chances of finding "the one." However, when I actually sat down and realized that I only needed to impress ONE woman, I gained a lot of motivation because I didn't feel that I needed to prove myself. I started to focus on myself, joined a dating service, and I just wanted ONE woman that mattered rather than several women that didn't have anything that I wanted. Now...I'm almost celebrating my 10 month anniversary with my gorgeous girlfriend.
I'm sure you could spend all day naming off your imperfections and about why you're single or why you can't keep a relationship, but just because someone has a preference against your imperfections doesn't mean that no one will ever want to be in a long-term relationship with you. It's not about impressing everybody; it's about impressing the one person that matters. Love has no preferences.
The person you thought you'd never consider dating may very well be the person that you'll end up growing old with. Don't ever think for a second that you aren't beautiful...because you are. Maybe not to everyone, but to one person you're the most beautiful man/woman that he/she's ever seen.
So at the end of the day, do your imperfections really matter?
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- From: brandon32490@xanga
- Name: Brandon
- Location: Georgia, United States
- About Me: I'm not smart, but I am stupid...and that's better than being a rock.
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Comments (43)
For once since I've started reading datingish I have to say, this was a really nice post. :)
There are physical things about me, relatively minor, that I always blew up into "I'm ugly. Why would anyone want me?" But in reality, the person who loves me just does not care and still finds me beautiful. That acceptance has really helped to boost my opinion of myself.
Sorry...but since I was 20 (a gazillion years back) I have been absolutely FLOORED by two kinds of men.
1. Unabashedly Bald...not the guys who shave---but hairless domes.
2. Prematurely Gray.
Whimper....They scream both sexy and confident to me.
And now that I am not a kid myself they are ALL OVER the place.
Wooooooooooohoooooooooooo!
@Gorrific@xanga - Couldn't have said it any better.
Wow, I'm impressed.
This was great!
@galadrial@xanga - I love grey hair on younger guys too!!! haha so glad I'm not the only one
It took a potentially life-threatening condition for me to realize how blessed I am in terms of physical attractiveness.
But then again, sometimes my insecurities creep up on me and I wish I could be absolutely beautiful from head to toe.
...Whether you're bald or not every woman is not going to come after you anyhow. And they shouldn't. Preferences and standards are there for a reason. What is the point of finding "the one" if literally anyone can be "the one"? I don't care about physical imperfections when it comes down to possibly choosing someone to spend my life with. I almost never end up going out with the people who have my physical preferences so they're there but they don't count as something the person MUST have. Besides I'd be much more worried about passing down serious things like severe mental illness or disabilities. Becoming bald earlier then you should sucks but it's the job of the parent to build a healthy amount of self esteem in their child enough so that doesn't bother them so much and they learn to live with it.
Definitely. I have not been subtle with my friends about my preference for a specific look in a guy, and get shit for it sometimes. I always remind them, though, that I'm not going to reject a guy because he doesn't fit my preference physically. I know a compatible personality and an undeniable connection can overtake any of that. Unless someone literally physically repulses me or I know they well enough already to know they fit one of my few dealbreakers, I'll always go on a first date. By stating my preference, I'm just saying I'm not going to go out of my way to pursue and get to know someone unless I have that initial attraction.
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great post, I've been wondering about that too
.
Nice post. I look at it this way, there are "imperfections" that I think NEED to be dealt with, not just so we can make a good catch, but because they aren't good for ME. Like substance abuse, I need to not do that for ME.
Baldness, NOT an imperfection. Some folks might feel more confident if they address it with implants or a wig, go for it. Some people may find they don't want to be with a bald man, their option. But there are many people, both the bald folks and their partners who it is a completely non issue for.
My boyfriend is fat, it is a huge issue for him. I don't really care. He should lose weight for him because it makes him uncomfortable, but it doesn't stop me from loving him at all.
AND...baldness is passed down through the mom, not the dad. So whether or not the sons are bald is based on whether or not the woman's dad is bald, not the kids own father.
I have always found bald men sexy, even as a kid.
everyone loves to pretend that they don't care about looks, but ultimately, guys are unlikely to approach girls who are unattractive, and girls are unlikely to give unattractive guys the time of day. it's easy to say that someone will love you for whatever, etc, however you need to get to that stage first. and it almost always starts with a guy hitting on a girl.
@galadrial@xanga - mmm. Yes. Bald men and prematurely grey. Yum.
But on that note, I am glad you wrote this because I can take a lot from it. So thanks for sharing your experiences. I have an imperfection that makes me afraid that I can't be attractive to men but like bald hair (which, from what I understand comes from the mother's father as to whether her children will be bald), it's a preference. And I am just being silly and insecure.
@galadrial@xanga - Totally love this too!!!
You know,eveybody has flaw!!!None of people in the world is perfect..!!
God is so fair that to create you and let you know that your imperfection may bring u lucky.
Beauty should not be seen as skin deep!!
Everyone is special!!Be more confident and achieve you goal,unleashing your potential to the pullest!!!
There are lots of methods to improve your imperfection!!
Hope that you get better soon!!!=]
Strange...we let ourselves get conned about about what we find attractive. We let trends, and "norms" determine what we like...and don't trust ourselves enough to go by the gut. Yes, I've always loved bald and silver gray men...long before George Clooney, or the fashion. And I made sure they knew it.
But how many posts have I read here about young women obsessing about microscopic flawsm or more obvious flaws they fear keep them from being "hot"?
It might be time to drop the insecurities, and figure out WHAT WE ACTUALLY like...instead of feeling pressured to make our real taste conform. Isn't today supposed to be about choices? Not settling? So if you like bald, or gray, or short, or SERIOUSLY tall? Go for it!
Great post :) Very true and uplifiting.
Aw, I love this! I wish my boyfriend would come around to thinking like this--he insists he's hideous, and no amount of me telling him how wrong he is will change his mind! You'd think after three years of me constantly telling him how cute he is he'd start to listen...
Physical imperfections are kind of like the saying "one man's trash is another man's treasure"--what you think is ugly is someone else's idea of perfection. Or it's just something the right person will accept and love about you--for awhile my boyfriend had really bad acne, and while it wasn't a turn ON for me, it wasn't a turn OFF either, just something I recognized as one of his features and that I didn't consider a detractor from his appearance.
More important than looking good is feeling good and being a good person.
I love this message. It's so personal yet so ubiquitous. And it's funny because I was JUST thinking that yesterday. I was talking to this man who to me is not at all physically attractive, but I could sense what kind of person he was. He has a good heart and most people don't (to that degree). If circumstances were different I would very much be open to a relationship with him, and there would unlikely be anything left wanted. I am happy for you that you found that person.
I do want to say that genetic hair loss is usually reversible, at least to some degree. I am a female with genetic hair loss (it is not as obvious as males in that you don't get spots, but overall thinning) and I have used Rogaine, and anti-androgen hormones (latter would be bad for a male) which have helped me immensely. I started Rogaine by itself several months before anything else, and on its own there was so much of a change that my friends had thought I'd gotten hair extensions. Propecia works very very well (even more so) than Rogaine. You said you started to lose your hair @ 15. I'm not sure how old you are now, but Rogaine SERIOUSLY works. If you have come to peace with or don't think the money loss would be worth it, then that's great too. I just wanted to personally attest that you aren't helpless.
@ccccourage@xanga - The idea that baldness is specifically inherited from any certain parent in particular is a myth, fyi.
lol nice poast cue-ball maybe u can marry a blind woman someday and if she wants to stroke ur luxurieous hiar then u can put a dam cat on yer head