Monday, 20 February 2012
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Yes, a Fetish
I've had the same boyfriend for some time now. He's funny and sweet, he really listens to me, and at the end of a good or bad day he's the only one I want to see and talk to. We agree on most topics, but not all. That's what makes life worth living, though, isn't it? You meet new people with new Ideas, we grow, we learn.
My boyfriend has this picture of these nipples- they are completely gross, ugly, worm-like nipples. They stick (give or take) an inch out of the young man who is posing for the photos. My boyfriend loves to show me this picture, may it be because of how gross I find it, or my reaction. He'll just say something like, "Hey! Look at this!" and when I look, I'm hit right in the eyes with that miserable photo.
Now, besides the fact that this is immature of him, it really bloody annoys me. He will burst out laughing, and part of me is glad that I can amuse him, but my other half is upset that he finds my...dislike of this photo funny. I wouldn't constantly show someone a photo of something they find gross.
We were having a splendid night together. He was on his laptop, I was watching "The Last Of The Mohicans" and he was heavily amused by my complete love of the movie. He was gently running his fingers through my hair, and it was the picture of comfortable, cozy, perfection (In my world, of course). He looked at me, let a out a chuckle, looked back at his computer and continued to comb his fingers through my hair.
I had a suspicion about what might be coming from him next. He twisted his laptop around so I could see the screen, and sure enough, he had that lovely picture up. I let a small shudder run through my body before I stopped it, and I told him the usual (How gross that is, etc). His reaction is the same as it always is: laughter, and telling me that I'm so silly and cute.
I said: "You have some kind of fetish for those things." He looks at me pissed, and replies with: "GROSS. DON'T EVER SAY THAT AGAIN OR I'LL KILL YOU. HOW GROSS." and stormed off into the other room. I stared at the doorway he had just disappeared through. What the hell had just happened? I truly could not understand what had just happened. I didn't mean it seriously, but the fact that he got so mad about it made me wonder. Is a fetish a bad thing?
Me and my friends toss it around, but, none of us are exactly saints when it comes to our sex life...but are we mistaken? Is a fetish something very sick and wrong? I know there are some sick kinds of fetishes, but in my case was I wrong? Later he came back to the sofa where I laid sprawled out upon, and asked me "What'cha doing? Talk with me." I think he might have felt bad for exploding the way he had, and I wasn't sure how to feel about this.
So everyone, was I wrong? Do you have any fetishes of your own? Are fetishes a bad thing? Should I talk to him about this/apologize?
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Comments (52)
With him saying "I'll kill you" for any reason is grounds for either a serious talk or break up. Seriously, that's not a healthy response, at least from my experience. You weren't in the wrong at all. Him blowing up sounds like that's what he finds attractive or he's secretly attracted to the model. I'd talk to him about it.
I'd be more concerned with his "I'll kill you," response. I think you missed it..But if someone protests so vehemently about something, means there's some truth to it.
He sounds way too immature to be worth your time.
Uh yeah, saying "I'll kill you" is not okay...
I'd say break up with this creep
I wouldn't act like everything was okay again after he had a tantrum. when he says: "What'cha doin? talk with me," then I'd surprise him with a picture of carrot top's afro puff and creepy face to scare him right back
if he shows me the fetish pic again, I'll startle him awake when he's in deep sleep by dunking his face in a bowl of mustard
This guy is a loser....who cares about his fetishes? Leave his ass.
@iiridescence@xanga - @Kittyluve@xanga - @dream_guru5@xanga - I agree with all of you. The "I'll kill you" is a dealbreaker.
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - hahaha greatest revenge! Carrot top is insane scary!
Wow, how is old he? 14? Leave his immature ass.
The fact he exploded like that on you..is disturbing to be honest. No need to say you'd kill someone over something like that. Second, he probably does have some sort of fetish..or gets some sort of sexual charge out of it. Whether it's the photo itself or the fact you're repulsed by it..he gets off on something. If not, then he's just really immature & you could do a lot better. You don't come back after exploding on someone like he did to you with a simple "What's up talk to me" type of deal. You at least
apologize for your behavior!Having a fetish is nothing to be ashamed of by the way. It's a healthy way of exploring a sexual idea. As long as you aren't hurting yourself severely or others..there is never anything wrong with it. He's probably just embarrassed by it [if he has one] because he might have been brought up or told at some point when he was impressionable; that fetishes are wrong or shameful. I personally don't think having a fetish is bad. However, I pretty much think your man is a dud, if he can't admit it or at least maturely respond to you when you needle him a bit about a supposed fetish. After all, he can dish a joke, by showing you a picture you clearly hate, but he can't take it when you joke back at him having a fetish?
Nope. disallow it. If he can dish it out but not take it, then he is not worth it at all.
Oh yeah, and if that is all he has of shock value for the plethora of stuff on the interwebs, then he fails at it.@Kittyluve@xanga - @dream_guru5@xanga - @iiridescence@xanga - @Shadowrunner81@xanga -
I think you're all over reacting a little. If people broke up/weren't friends with me because an "I'll kill you" slipped out during a conversation, I'd be desperately alone. I understand there's things like these that are red flags to something horrible happening in the future, but you don't know these people or their relationship - sometimes people just get on like that and there's absolutely no reason to break up with them over something like that.
While it is a little immature, I think a lot of people are like that, though. They just like to see people squirm. He probably doesn't really understand how much it really bugs you and just thinks it's funny. I have a few things that when most people find out, they just go out of their way to annoy me with it. Like when I say I don't like flavoured chips because the smell makes me want to gag and they shove the bag in my face, or that I don't like microwave beeping and they make it beep on purpose. It's just a sense of humour some people have, I guess.
If it really bugs you you just either have to tell him in a serious tone (when you're not in the moment of being grossed out) that it bugs you and you don't want to see the picture again and hope for the best.
@thatkyliegirlx@xanga - The way I read her post made it seemed like she made a comment that triggered a reaction from him that was made without him thinking about it. That comment was a defense mechanism against his realizing a fetish. Now I know this isn't amateur hour for psychology, but if that defense mechanism involves the words 'I'll kill you', what happens if she makes another mistake(because now that she knows what triggers him that's what it would be), and he escalates his reaction? That escalation could be anything up to and including murder.
You just never know how far people are willing to go to protect themselves from things they perceive as harmful to their identity.
First off, that's kinda fucked up in the way he exploded.
More importantly, nothing wrong with a fetish. It's a part of human sexuality. People get nervous and think oddly about these sorts of things, but - as it is - whatevs. It's a thing. It happens. Deal. Just don't get a snuff fetish or something like that.
I think a lot of people are overreacting to the "kill you" comment, but without being there or knowing him personally, I won't jump to those conclusions. Over the years, I've realized a few things that my wife gets annoyed with, and sometimes it's fun just to get a rise out of her. (she does the same to me, it's kind of one of our things)
Fetishes are perfectly OK, and from personal experience, can be a lot of fun :) My wife knows how to work mine, and it generally means she gets her way on things
Fetish or not when a man tells you he'll kill you in any way, it's time to consider breaking up with him...As for fetishes in general, if it's safe, then it's not bad
@thatkyliegirlx@xanga - I get what you're saying, I've jokingly said it before too, but it's not only saying it but the WAY that he said it (while exploding in an angry defensive fury) that makes it disturbing and a dealbreaker.
I know the fact that he said "Ill kill you" sounds alarming(which it is)but from the point of view from people who have dealt with intense shame and guilt over their sexuality even as far as fetishes, he was probably trying to defend himself in the harshest way possible so you wouldn't dare ask that again. I have plenty of fetishes. Most of us with fetishes we know damn well would not be accepted in society end up dealing with severe trust and shame issues when it comes to sex. I have fetishes for medical equipment and violent hentai amongst many other things. I've met people with extremely sick fantasies but they wouldn't hurt a fly. For most humans it's the mental or the physical stimulation. It only becomes bad and hurtful when it is the person who cannot keep things as a fantasy. But society has yet to fully understand that.
By the way when you mentioned he would show you this image and laugh I believe he was "mentally getting off" to your repulsed feelings about it. It's a theory but I recognize that behavior immediately. Especially since I do it from time to time. I've made an effort to not make the people I care about uncomfortable though. He won't be able to reach that point until he really faces some of these possible issues. So I wouldn't take it personally but hold your ground as well. He doesn't know yet how to have a proper fetish outlet.
Leave now. Please.
Not a good reaction in the least. There's nothing wrong with fetishes, everyone has them, just different types and some just get categorized as common (ie. loving big breasts, or huge butts).
His reaction makes me feel he's unhealthily homo-phobic if you saying that he has a fetish with nasty guy nipples and then blowing up.
As for him doing it to you over and over, tell him straight up to stop doing it and he probably will. If he doesn't stop reacting to it. It sounds like you've seen the picture tons of times, and even expect it now, so you should be able to control your reaction. He's doing it because he likes getting a reaction out of you and he finds it funny. Lots of guys do that with things, but if you stop reacting then he loses the fun factor of doing it and then he'll stop.
But yeah, blowing up, saying he'd kill you, and walking out of the room is just weird...and kind of stupid.
The word "fetish" does have bad connotations. Having one comes with a lot of being judged and looked down on.
His extreme reaction to you saying that makes me think that there is something wrong. Perhaps he has a fetish of another kind that he's deeply ashamed of, perhaps he knows someone who has one.
I know that my fetish caused me a lot of angst and fear and pain and guilt throughout my early life.
It was the heat of the moment and he chose the wrong words; it happens. I'm really wondering what the underlying issue is in regards to his response. Some sexual hang-up, maybe he's repressed, or there was a traumatic event in his youth. For the people saying "leave him" and that "he's a loser," ignore that. We all do immature things and have immature responses to a plethora of shyt. He seems cool if something so small gives him so piece of joy. Try finding something of your own, like a bloody tampon full of clots to show him.
Silence! I kill you!
HA!
Sail on... sail on!!!
What? What's up with Datingish today, every post I've read is extremely weird.
There is nothing wrong with having a fetish (unless said fetish harms people - without their consent, I guess, because some sort of do). People just don't like to talk about fetishes because they're something other than the vanilla sex that is almost acceptable to talk about.