Monday, 20 February 2012
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Is He Too Old?
I'm 18 and there's this guy I work with who is 25. He's absolutely amazing, but I fear our age difference is a little to far. It's a 7 year age gap between us. I know if I were to be 25 and he was 32 it wouldn't seem like that much of a gap. But because I'm 18 it seems so much bigger than what it is. I think the main thing I worry about is what my parents and family would think. "Hey mom, dad... this is the guy I've been dating... he's, you know, 25."
How do you go about that?
Any comments and/or suggestions would be much appreciated. Thank you!
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- From: Lex
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Comments (58)
If you are comfortable around him and he is comfortable around you (and most importantly treats you well), there shouldn't be any problem.
Do you love him? Age means nothing in love
Age gaps are just like any other big difference between couples in that they make it harder to make a relationship work long term. Harder but not impossible. Age shouldn't be a deal breaker but it shouldn't be ignored either. I think most parents are open minded enough to consider him for who he is and not just his age, or at least I hope they are.
As long as your lifestyle meshes well. :) If he is out drinking, going to clubs and you're 18 and unable to join him... I could see issues coming up. But otherwise, if you're both mature and into each other... why not? =) We all age eventually and men are starting to live longer.
the only thing i'd be concerned with is stage in life. if you're in high school or college and hes moved out with a job he might be ... how to say this lightly...
overcollege and such, and might not want to converse with you about your stage in life, which could get tricky
but, if it works, run with it! (:haters gon hate^^
I'd be uncomfy with it, but you have to do you, so if it feels right, go right ahead.
I'd look more at stage in life. At 18, people might just be gaining their independence and getting to know what they really want in life. By mid-late twenties, maybe they're a little more stable....the downside is that they could also have had many more years of perfecting the liar/heartbreaker routine. So, approach with eyes wide open and invite feedback from your inner circle. As for your parents, having been 18 then 25 years old already, they will be wondering...what makes a 25 year old go for an 18 year old?
In this case, it doesn't seem so bad. Since you've probably graduated high school at least you're more in the same life stage than if you were 16 or 17. At that point I think it depends on how comfortable you feel and how comfortable he feels and how well you get along. I was 18 when I met my boyfriend, 18 or 19. He's four years older than me so it was similar to this situation and we've been together for several years now. Judge case by case :)
I think the question is not the age difference but the maturity difference.
Obviously it is of concern to you if you're asking about it in the first place.
You don't need other peoples approval to feel better about the gap in age. If it bothers you to the extent that you're asking about it, then you should reevaluate it from your perspective. Getting other peoples approval shouldn't be your main priority because they're not you.
that's not that big of an age gap
My personal limit is 12 years
Broadly speaking, 18 and 25 is usually OK (it's legal and all that).
I suppose, on an individual level, there are some questions about whether or not being at different places in your lives - I'm assuming you're in high school or college, whereas he's either in grad school or working full-time - would strain the relationship.
I'm 16 and a college freshman, and, full disclosure, I mostly date guys who are 19+. Being with someone who is on your level, in terms of lifestyle, is more important than you might think.
@my0615@xanga - It means something in court. :P
as long as it's not uncomfortable and you truly like him it's fine! when i was 18 i was seeing a guy that was 26 and it was totally okay =] but of course, that's just my parents. lol.
@TheFashionableEconomist@xanga - andd i agree with all of this.
i'm 19 and dating a 24 year old (who turns 25 next month). go for it :)
**singing voice** age ain't nothing but a numberrrr!
I don't think it's a big deal... It just depends on where you are in your lives. Even if you're at a different stage, it can still work. If one of the guys I know who is 25 (I'm 26) said he was with an 18 year old, I might raise my eye brows, but if you are at a similar level of maturity, than there's nothing wrong with it. It's not as weird as hearing a 23 or 24 year old is with a 16 or 17 year old. P.S. I was dating a 25 year old when I was 18 :)
it depends...but you're on the right track with the 25 & 32 versus 18 & 25 difference, although it still depends because each person varies.
the guy, who I had the most in common with was in his 40's. I usually can't stand the guys around my age and the things that some of them do. however, I can't stand this guy now. so you can get along and then not get along with whatever age.
My boyfriend is 27- although he doesn't like to admit it to everyone- he technically works at a special hospital as a biomedical engineer- and i'm still going to college- i'm 20.
It works.
I have always dated guys with that much of an age gap, and it works out just fine. The one time I dated someone my own age, we ended up married, but we never got along nor saw eye to eye and it ended with me catching him in bed with someone else. It all depends on maturity levels, and since you cant really give that over the internet, none of us can really tell you if it will work.
I honestly don't think that's too much of an age gap. And if you are comfortable with you shouldn't let something like age get to you.
i'd be more concerned that you work with him.
Whoever makes you feel good.
Whatever feels right.
As long as you get those butterflies in your tummy, and you genuinely care for that person and they care for you, age is a non-issue, unless you or he are not of age.
i met my boyfriend when I was 18 (im 22 now) and hes 10 years older than me. it was more the fact that he is black that pissed my family off, but you are grown and you have to realize that you cant live your life and make major life decisions based on the morals and beliefs of someone else. my mom and i didnt talk for a few months when i told her we were dating, and one day she realized that if she didnt accept me and my decisions, that she was gonna lose me. What Im trying to say, is do what makes you happy. if not, you will regret it!
PS: my boyfriend and i are coming up on our 4 year anniversary, and my mom and I have never been closer! :)