Sunday, 19 February 2012
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So... What Next?
I started dating my boyfriend mid October 2011. That is simply four months with him! But we always joke about how in "our" time, it's been many months more. That the days apart amount to weeks and we mean it. Pretty cheesy, indeed!
At first we both had our walls up but it was hard to keep them up. It was as if we were meant for each other with our constant "me toos" and similar interests. From music to foods to outdoor activities. I had always wanted to learn to rock climb. Guess what, he rock climbs and he taught me! It was just a match made in heaven.With time, our emotions haven't dwindled. They have only gotten more intense. Sex life? Gets better and better every time! We don't want to spend less time with each other but more. So much, he even went to the dentist with me and I with him to buy a car.We have talked marriage, kids, and future plans. We both know we want all those things with each other. When he talks, he says we not me. He includes me in everything from, "What do WE need" in regards to groceries even though I do not live with him to "When you come with me to Minnesota" in regards to future trips he is taking to see his parents.
He even asked me my opinion on when he retires, which state would I like to move to. He no longer thinks in terms of "I" but "we" which makes me happy.
Any fights we have gotten into were minor and stupid. The kind where you wonder WTF you're arguing about and they're usually at my doing. I'm working on that. In the end we hug and kiss and are good to go.
Anyway, the point of my blog is what is next? What are the normal steps in relationships this serious? I have been in serious long term relationships but never lived with a boyfriend or seriously contemplated marriage or having their kids. This is the first time in my 26 years that I want all those things with someone. That I truly want to share my life with him.
I kinda feel that I am waiting around now. Now that we discussed future wants, I wonder when these things actually start to happen. At four months into the relationship I am in no hurry to get married or make babies. So I'm good in that department.
Not even moving in per say... okay, maybe I do want that to happen. He will meet me at my house on Saturday nights since we get off at the same time to say good night. He will hug me tight and tell me he wishes I could stay over that night (I don't since I work early.. clopens!) because he misses me and I will just be thinking to myself that those problems would be solved if I just lived with him for petes sake!
I already sleep over up to 4 nights a week! He even asks ME where HIS stuff is around the house.
Anyway, so how do these larger commitments normally work? What are the average time frames for things like moving in? What do you do when you are certain that this is the person you are going to be with for the rest of your life? Patience has never been my virtue. Especially with his WE talk and future references for us all the time.
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- From: ShirleyD@xanga
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Comments (52)
You're still in the honeymoon phase of the relationship, and I think saying things like "It feels like it's been forever!" is just a sign of how comfortable you two are together. I think thats great. I know some people can survive by pressing the time button but IMO it's best to wait at least a year dating prior to moving in together. If you can help it, it'll really give you a better idea of your relationship and your partner. Experience some rough times together before moving in together. Those are my two cents. My boyfriend and I have been together for going on five years. We lived together after the third year for one year, but it was too rough for us, we weren't ready yet, so I moved out and we're much happier now. What is important is that different things are going to work for different people, but everyone considers themselves the exception when it comes to happiness. Remember that waiting might feel hard, but if it's going to benefit the length/stability of your relationship in the long run it might be worth it.
Best advice is screw everyone else's time frames. Do what feels right for you guys.
You're overthinking, your time frames are for you and him. They should never follow someone elses plan.
=) best of luck girl! i don't think there's a right or wrong answer.
Do what YOU feel is right. :)
Well, by that time (4 months) my husband and I had been married for a month and I didn't know it but that was the time I got pregnant with our daughter. Everyone's time frame is different and it's best to go with what feels right. When we'd been together for just a few weeks we were already engaged and I had taken what a lot of people would consider a stupid mistake (paid off and wasn't a mistake- also something I'd never done before in my life). I added him to my cell phone plan and my bank account. He was 19 and didn't have a job, I was 22 and had just gotten out of a chain of 5 bad relationships and I did have a job. We're probably still in the "honeymoon" phase of the relationship (almost 2 years) but our feelings haven't changed towards each other.
dont listen to people telling you to follow a certain time frame. every relationship is different. I knew within two months of dating my husband that he was the one. We moved in together after 8 months (would have sooner probably if we werent both locked into a lease). We got engaged after a year and a half, and got married 11 months after that. he is the love of my life and when you know you know
Give him a bj
it has only been four months. i know everyone is telling you to listen to your own timeline, but i feel that when you are in that madly blinded, all encompassing loving stage, your own perception of the appropriate timeline is a little skewed. wait until the honeymoon stage is over to contemplate decisions like living together... you don't want to go through the small period of turmoil that accompanies the healthy transition out of the honeymoon stage while living with each other. it's a recipe for disaster.
You don't know someone until the first major fight.
@haltija@xanga - I definitely agree. I know how awesome that feels but you need your space.. because once the "honeymoon stage" is over.. it might not feel as awesome or wonderful.. or the fact that there isn't anything to look forward to because you did everything in such little time.. (if that makes sense) I know its hard but try to not rush things and just enjoy them as they come and try not to move too fast.. baby steps :) if you give him everything and just jump into like a married lifestyle it could end up boring or just whatever.. let the relationship build and progress into the better things.. I hope that made sense.. Just advice from my past relationships.. & lessons learned. :)
why is k-stew the photo for this? haha
do what feels right for the both of you. If you BOTH feel like it's the right time to move in together, then go for it. You're already staying the night together several times per week, then why not try it? Either you go to his place, or him go to yours. If you're not 100% positive, then wait awhile. Don't jump into signing a new lease, just see if you can't co-exist together in a place one of you already have established. If it works, great. Just have a talk with him and see what he says!
it depends on the individual situation and personal preferences:D
I couldn't get enough of a guy for about 5 months and now I've stopped talking to him for almost a month, because of some ahole thing he said that crossed the line. he still tries to contact me daily but I ignored him to show him that he's in the dog house
I was so mad and I haven't missed him since then. sometimes life changes just like that. out with the old, in with the new. it showed that my feelings with him were fleeting and not that serious as I first thought. oopsies
what does clopens mean
@Paul_Partisan@xanga - you're cute
I know you want to do everything now, but moving in together after four months is a recipe for disaster. You're head-over-heels and in the honeymoon stage, so everything seems like a good idea (I speak from experience, I moved in with someone after three months once) but just wait. You haven't had a big argument yet and you can't truly know someone after four months.
Take things as they come - plan fun stuff together - maybe weekend trips away, nice meals out, trips to theme parks or to the beach, but don't rush the big stuff, there's time for all that yet :)
Slow down cool breeze because it's only been four months. Both of you would be wise to stop the talk of kids, anniversaries, retirement plans, and just enjoy these moments.
you're over thinking. just enjoy the honeymoon stage. :)
Wow, four months and you want to move in together. That's soon. It would be too soon for me. I think you should just enjoy things as they are.
But my parents got married and moved in together after 6 months, and over 30 years later they're still so happy together.
I agree with @Gorrific@xanga. My husband and I only dated for two and a half months and we got married! We've been happily married (for the most part) and I couldn't be any happier. He makes me feel love and beautiful every day and I couldn't ask for more.
Who cares what anyone thinks. If your bf and you want to take it to the next step such as "moving in together," go for it, but my advise would be, make sure you two are on the same page. Don't rush into anything until you think it through with yourself and each other.
Good luck.
I have been living with my boyfriend basically since we started dating. I spent the night one night and then never went home. I officially moved in after two months and started paying rent, but I had already been calling his place home. We've been together for a year and a half now, and we're really happy. Yes there have been rough moments, huge fights, and boring periods...but he's the man I want to be with for the rest of my life so it's all worth it.
Don't listen to anyone but yourself and your boyfriend. You two will know what is right for you, and if he is the one for you you will make it work no matter what you decide. Best of luck!Although I do agree that moving too fast can be a recipe for disaster, there are always exceptions. My boyfriend and I waited a little over a year but we bought a house together. Some people would say that's fast, but we know our time frame for getting married, having kids, etc. Our relationship is better now that we live together because our main sources of stress used to be our crappy living situations.
Do what works for you two, but I would recommend waiting a little bit longer if you can. Honeymoon stages do not last forever and it's nice to make sure you are still good for each other afterwards. Love isn't just about these intense feelings, but a commitment to someone else's happiness long term. Just make sure you are ready and make sure you two talk in detail to make sure that you want the same out of life.
DON'T RUSH. You are most definitely still in the honeymoon phase and probably not 100% realistic about your relationship. I'm not saying that you two won't last, I'm just saying that you probably don't know each other well enough to know if you'd be TRULY be compatible roommates. Nothing bad can come from waiting, but rushing into living together could end up being a huge mess. When I look back on my last relationship, I really had no idea who my boyfriend was after 4 months. It takes at least a year or two (AT LEAST).
Just my 2 cents.
the next move is engagement/moving in together but 4 months seems a bit fast. maybe wait until you've been together at least 6 months or a year?
I moved in with my boyfriend after 4 months. We've lived together for a year and a half now. It's working out great. I'm hoping we get engaged soon! I'm sure people thought we were dumb for moving so fast, but we just did what was right for us.
So my point is, don't compare your relationship to others. No two relationships are alike. If you feel like you guys are ready to live together, do it! I would recommend living together for a while before you get engaged, but that's just my opinion.
I hope it all works out for you guys :)