Sunday, 19 February 2012
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Nothing for Valentines Day
This post was submitted anonymously.
My boyfriend and I have been together for over three years. Our first year together on Valentine's Day, he got me a big red bear with flowers. Last year, we were tight on money, and agreed to only go out to a nice place for dinner.
This year, we were not short on money. We went to Applebees two days before the actual holiday. He was busy studying for a test all week beforehand, which happened to be on Valentine's Day.
Three days before, I got up and out of my way to walk through the snow to the store. I bought some chocolates and flowers, made him a card. And on the actual day of Valentine's I surprised him when he got home from his test with a fancy homemade meal with candles and fancy china and wine.
Now, we never agreed to get each other anything. While my gifts did come as a surprise to him, it came as a surprise to me that I got nothing. I mean NOTHING. Not a card, not a piece of candy - nothing.
He says it's because he was so busy studying, but I went up and out of my way to do something for him. I didn't understand why he couldn't even buy me a cup of my favorite coffee on the way home from his test. OR even make me a card, or buy one.
And while thousands of women cried because they were single on Valentine's Day, I was also left empty handed, but not single.
I know Valentine's Day is overrated; it's a commercial holiday and it shouldn't mean anything. Love should be there every day. Is it crazy for me to be hurt over this? I didn't tell him anything, but I was really hurt afterwards. He said he loved what I did, and it was the best, but I was just confused over it.
Do you think I'm overreacting?
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Comments (81)
Yes, woman. You're overreacting.
You DO realize that school and grades are much more important than getting a stupid gift for a holiday that SHOULD be celebrated every day, right?
Jeez. Women these days... -_-
Yes.
Yes, but instead of writing a blog about it, you should tell him what you're really feeling.
Yes. "We never agreed to get each other anything." If gifts are important to you as a sign of love or even just as a fun holiday thing to do, you need to voice that.
Yes, you are overreacting... this is a contrived, artificial holiday. Stop imagining it means anything.
Never assume. It would be one thing if he made a promise he couldn't keep but unless the both of you say "We are going to get something for each other for Valentines Day" you can't expect anything. You decided on your own to get something. People need to stop believing that once they're in a relationship with someone that they should be able to read their mind.
Love means giving without expecting anything in return.
I get that you want to feel special, but understand that tests cause a shitload of stress. Valentine's day was the last thing on his mind. And I can totally relate. I zone everything out too when I have to study.
@Shadowrunner81@xanga - Couldn't have said it better myself!
i'm gonna buck the trend here and say i'd feel bad about it too.
I'd feel bad too. At least tell him (politely) how you feel. I'm sure once he knows it hurt your feelings, he'll feel terrible.
I'd feel bad too, honestly. You wanted him to go the extra mile for you not becuase he had to, but because he wanted to. I really didn't expect my boyfriend to get me anything because we're both broke but he still bought me a card and put a little note in it. Its kinda hard to tell your SO about this kind of thing becuase you don't want to look greedy, ectectect but try to tell him anyway or else it'll eat at you. :)
I think you might be overreacting a little, after all, you both agreed to not to give anything. A little card and tiny piece of chocolate is not much to ask but if he shows he loves you every other day of the year, I would have to say it would be best to just let this situation go.
Not at all. Unless there was some kind of agreement previously where you both agreed NOT to do something relating to the big day.
But you just never really spoke about it? Perhaps he was thinking that this year was going to be like the last one?
Tell him how it made you feel, that you understand he was busy, but that a small gesture would have been appreciated.
Maybe he got so busy that he just forgot about the holiday. As I get older the same thing happens to be for almost every holiday, even when I'm not that busy lol
Jeez, cut the man a break here woman! He's studying!
I would feel like shit. BUT it isn't like he meant to be a douche and forget. Makes sense, the studying. I couldn't be too upset for long. Especially if he made it up to me! =D
You should feel good about getting him a great gift. You shouldn't be using it to make him feel like he needs to get you something.
GIVE WITHOUT EXPECTING.
I love gifts, but there is no reason to demand them of him. Thats dumb.
This year was the first in 5 with my fiance that I got anything for this holiday. It's really one of those holidays that is what you make it. It seems like it was a big deal to you and not to him. Let the poor guy alone.
@fightingXstronger@xanga - AMEN!
its just Valentines Day. its not like its your birthday or your anniversary or Christmas..
I think its nice that you went out and did something for him.. but it sounds like you did it based on the hope that he would do something for you...Im not saying I wouldn't be bummed out, because I know I would be... but maybe he was honestly distracted by his test..Im just saying that maybe you should talk to him about it... maybe he has a plan to make it up to you.I am in a similar boat with my husband. If you have expressed to him how important the holiday is to you, then i would hope he'd step up. I hate the whole excuse of "i was busy studying." Dude, you could have handwritten a nice note! COME ON! If it means a lot to you, express that to him, but he still might ignore the holiday (like my husband). It's just what unromantic guys do. Oh, and i find it interesting that when money was tight you still had a nice dinner. What's that about?? If we were tight on money, we would hand write notes and that's it. A nice dinner sounds expensive.
sounds like he has bigger fish to fry. sometimes holidays get missed because of life. i'm pretty sure there's another valentines day scheduled for next year, and maybe even the year after that. in the grand scheme of things, this really isn't a big deal.
You at least got to see him and spend time with him on Valentine's Day, which is something that not everyone is so lucky to experience, so stop complaining.
I think you have a right to be upset, regardless of what people have said. I know he was busy and stressed, but I'd be upset with the lack of acknowledgment. It takes about 5 minutes to buy and fill out a card. Tell him how you feel so he knows where you're coming from. I'm sure that he loves you, and will put more thought into V-Day next time.