Saturday, 18 February 2012
-
Being Caught Cheating on Facebook: Suicide is Not the Answer!
I've been seeing lots of heartbreak this month. Naturally, since it's Valentine's month, why wouldn't there be?
Georgia's a good friend of mine and a fellow colleague in the music department. She's the kind of girl that's laid back and easy-going. Didn't think she was ever going to be interested in having a relationship with someone, but apparently she did. She fell for Tommy, a guitarist in the music department.
I didn't know him much, but from the outside, he seemed like a nice guy. Georgia fell hard for him and Tommy also fell for her. They looked so in love, everything seemed to be going wonderful for Georgia. But there was a time where Georgia got extremely upset because Tommy had been receiving flirtacious text messages from some other girl. Supposedly, it wasn't anything that he was paying mind to, but for Georgia it was pretty hard to believe that.
Well, the "other" girl was one of Georgia's roommates, Ally. I don't know what happened there, I just know that Georgia moved in with some other girls because she couldn't stand Ally's hypocrisy any longer.
During that period of time, Tommy and Georgia were over. But Tommy didn't feel that to be so, because he went through an extreme state of depression all because he still had strong feelings for Georgia. He became obsessive. On one occasion he even followed Georgia to her apartment when she was offered a ride by some guy that was actually an old friend.
When Georgia caught Tommy following her, she got extremely mad! They had a huge argument outside her apartment at a late hour. He kept calling her and she kept evading. At university she always tried to find a way to steer clear of him, but Tommy kept looking and insisting on talking to her and because of that she was very close to getting an order of restriction, and I would not have blamed her if she did, the guy was acting crazy.
Time passed and Tommy had finally left Georgia alone. Or so I thought. It wasn't long after when I found out that they had made up and were back together but this time, they were engaged. Tommy had gotten her a lovely engagement ring and they already had begun the preparations for their wedding. I had a strong urge to ask Georgia, "Why are you back with that jerk?" but I restrained myself in doing so because she looked so excited and happy. I didn't want to rain on her parade is all.
One day, I was at my mother's office practicing my music on the piano when Georgia came in to take her class. She seemed different since the ending of last semester, she was distant and serious all the time. She just looked so out of it, it wasn't like her. I had been wanting a chance to talk to her and ask her what was wrong, but I never had the proper time to do so until that day. She remained quiet, sitting, waiting for her class.
I gathered up the courage to finally ask, "What happened?" Georgia looked at me with a confused face. There was a silence between us, I kept my eyes fixed on hers and I could see her begin to water. Without another word I got up from piano bench and gave her a kleenex. She just burst out crying. I hugged her and let her cry on my shoulder for a while and when she stopped, she began to talk between sobs.
She and Tommy had been having fights ever since he graduated from the university because he wanted her to move in with him but she didn't want to do that because she just didn't feel comfortable with it. Tommy's visits became less frequent until he just stopped coming over to her apartment and he insisted on her coming over to his home (which was pretty far away). Georgia tends to get drowsy on the road, so she tries to drive for a short period of time and that's why she wouldn't dare drive 3 hours to Tommy's home.
She would call him sometimes but he would seem upset when she did. He wouldn't call her as often as he used to so she tried communicating with him via Facebook. She isn't the kind of person to be stuck on Facebook all the time so she just used it when she deemed it necessary. While she browsed through the updates, she noticed that one of her friends had uploaded a new picture. When she saw the picture, she said that she went through a state of shock because she couldn't believe what she was seeing. The picture was of Tommy kissing another girl in some kind of town festival.
Georgia said that she just stopped calling Tommy for a while and then she began to receive texts and missed calls from him. Tommy even went to her apartment to look for her, he asked her why she hadn't answered his messages or calls. She just grabbed her iPhone and showed him the picture of him with the other girl. He began saying things like, "It's not what it looks like..." and "She's just a friend from work!" Long story short, she broke it off with him and he asked for the engagement ring back but she just ignored him and kept it. Of course after all she's been through with the idiot, she deserves a reward.
After all that, she's now very depressed, so much so that she has lost a lot of weight (more than she should!) and she looks very sick. Her normal weight according to her height is 140lbs, now she's weighing 106lbs. I've never seen her this miserable, she's not this kind of girl! She's been told to eat more but she just replies that she doesn't get hungry, she just looks completely destroyed... it's scary.
She's never been depressed in her life, this is the first time she's felt like this. She needs medical help but I have no idea how to make that approach without her freaking out and denying it.
I wish she never saw that picture on Facebook. This really affected her and I know that it isn't the first time Facebook has revealed an unwanted reality.
It's said that the people that get depressed for the first time are the ones who are most willing to commit suicide. I really pray that's not true. I've never been caught in this kind of situation with a friend before. I care about her and I want to help her get through this, she feels alone but she has to understand that she's not. There are many other people besides myself that have her best interests in mind. Suicide is a way out, but it's not the ONLY way and I want her to understand that.
What can be done to help her through this ordeal? Should I do something to help her or should I just leave it to her family?
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: Orlei@xanga
- Name: Orlei
- About Me: I'm currently studying music, my main instrument is voice and my second is piano. I don't sing musicals and I will shoot anyone who asks me to sing it. Most of the time I space in and out...sometimes I just stay spaced out...ADD. I tend to not make sense most of the time, but if you're smart, you'll be able to figure out what I'm trying to say.
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 3 Views: 0 16279 Comments: 0 105 View all posts by Orlei@xanga
Comments (24)
She will either work through it, or she won't. Weight loss is very normal after such a bad break up. Suggest she see a councelor if she doesn't seem better after several weeks, but the best thing for YOU to do is listen when she needs a friend, and leave her alone when she asks. Let her work through the pain.
May
-sigh- My boyfriend had feelings for another girl while he was with me, and now it's likely his internship will be in the same city she lives in and he'll be spending a summer hanging out with her.
I've lost 5 lbs in the past 1-2 days because of it.. When I first found out that he had feelings for her, I lost about 10 lbs total. I feel apathetic or repulsed every time I see food. -___-
@LightBlue21@xanga - why is he still your boyfriend?
Aww man. Well, first & foremost, I am very sorry this happened to your friend.
However, Facebook..as sucky as it is to have something like that picture thrown in your face - At least she found out before she got married to the asshole! Small consolation prize I know, but it's good she found out. It sounds like she's going through a 'mourning' phase right now..which is normal. I mean if you think about it..this isn't exactly a normal break up...He basically stalked her & became obsessive over her.. [We all want what we can't have] the first time around. He probably wore her down with sweet words & whatnot until she agreed to give him another chance. You also said that before she saw the picture things had been rocky again between them..chances are she knew something wasn't right but didn't want to accept it. She probably made excuse after excuse but seeing the picture..how can you refute that? It sounds like reality slammed her hard.. so now she's dealing with it.
As a friend what you can do is constantly support her through this. Let her be mopey for awhile, but if it's dragging on or you feel the depression has worsened - you go over with a pint of ice cream & assorted junk food [Even if she claims to not be hungry] & you hang out with her. [Even if she "just wants to be alone"] You read girly magazine, you do mani/pedi, style hair, try on clothing. GET HER MIND OFF FROM HIM. Remind her, that this jerk is not the "be all end all" of guys. Even if it feels like that for awhile. Get her to get out of the apartment, go for a walk, shopping or the movies. She should also block his number & get rid of anything he bought her [including hawking the engagement ring & buying herself a LBD or something that makes her feel good]
However, if she attempts suicide or there's some serious alarm that she may - get her professional help, talk to her family. Remember, if she chooses to harm herself over this - it's not your fault. You sound like a really good friend & she's lucky to have you. :]
Good luck!
@annamariuhh@xanga - He says he doesn't have feelings for her anymore since the week he spent hanging out with her in Chicago last summer. And that even though he thinks she may be the kind of girl he would chase, he's happy with me and loves me and doesn't want to explore the possibilities with her.
This is pretty normal if you ask me. She'll get over it. When I had problems with my ex-boyfriend I lost 10 kg and didn't feel hungry at all. And it takes some time to get yourself back together. It's not easy. But definitely not impossible, and she knows that.
@LightBlue21@xanga - Wow.. I wonder how you're gonna survive that summer. Good luck girl.
I lost a lot of weight during depression. Just be there for her, let her know that she can talk to you, often depressed people will feel like they're burdening people so they close the doors and withdraw. Try not to judge her for the weight loss, it is very common and hopefully she will begin to eat better when she starts to feel better.
If it gets really bad though do encourage her to seek help.Kudos for being a concerned friend. Most would ignore and walk.
The most important thing is to show her your support. That whatever is going on is okay, is normal.
At the end of the day it takes her self alone to decide to pick herself up. But telling her what she means, her family, counselors, etc...may be helpful tools.
Be there for her. Even when she starts being a bitch. Even when she gets repetitive. Even when it seems like she is so wrapped up in her own stuff that she doesn't care about you at all. Just be there for her. One day, she'll start getting better. For some people that's a month, for some it's a year. Even if you don't see her much, call her once every couple of days to check on her. Make a point to have girls nights. Take her to a movie if she's up for it. Rent one if she isn't.
I called off a wedding last year. It felt like forever, and I turned to binge drinking. I barely remember those months, and I couldn't tell you if there were 3 or 8. I came out of it, and I got better, but all of my friends were gone. I had to start over.
Also, keep her away from men. We are suckers for rebound boys, and 9 times out of 10, that ends as bad as the first one did.
@syringesofglitter_x@xanga - HECK YEAH! When mine left, I hawked the ring! It was the only f-ing thing he left me other than a bunch of bills... hawked it and paid the bills.
Holy shit! That's an amazing story! Thank you for sharing this brilliant piece of literature with the world.
Encourage her to go see a counselor and say you're concerned about her and want her to feel better. Don't mention anything about suicide if she doesn't bring it up. If she is suicidal that is something for a professional to handle. Just let her know you are non-judgmental and willing to stand by her in a hard place. I doubt the facebook incident is the only reason she is severely depressed, and this is probably an awful time for her - just having a friend there will mean a lot.
@m_artaa@xanga - Thanks. I've decided if he decides he's willing to hang out with her, then I can easily find a guy who will treat me better.
With the truly hopelessly depressed, nothing you do or say will make them feel better. Even when the entire world is around waiting for them, they are trapped in their minds and restrained by all of the deceipt, lies, self-loathing and 'what if's". All you can do is assure them that you are "there when they need you", and that is it. It makes us feel powerless, but I can relate, as I have experienced both for much longer than is comfortable. Also, fuck social networking, as hypocritical as the statement sounds, being typed from here. It's the most anti-social form of social interaction there is.
I went through a similar situation as her except the girl called me twice within the two month period. And I saw over 23 pictures of them together from his fake fb and so. I actually have a post if it makes anything better: http://laxsftok1.xanga.com/757623673/to-my-bestfriends--teresa-tina-jen/
As an advice, just be there for her.Listen to her, comfort her and take her out and keep her occupied and keep her laughing. My bestfriends did that although it was long distance but it helped me get as I got continous checkup and had other friends to keep me occupiedShe does not deserve a reward for doing something stupid voluntarily.
Also, this kind of reminds me of a story of mine. I was "with" this girl for nearly 10 YEARS, and I loved her more than anything. She was always very secretive about her online activities; she claimed to not have a Facebook or anything like that, and would only keep online accounts for about 2 months tops, then delete them. This usually made me wonder, but I bought her explanations of "just wanting to be safe", as I was in love with her. I swear I wasn't a control freak, seriously. She asked me if she could go to a dance with another guy. We were doing the long-distance thing at the moment so I couldn't go with her, and I trusted her so I agreed and told her to have fun, and to call me when it was over so I can see she made it home safely. She didn't get ahold of me until much later that night, and when she called her voice was rather shaky. I asked her if everything was okay, and there was a long silence, then a "yes". Not being a total idiot, I asked her if anything "happened". She immediately denied it, and when asked again, she started crying and claimed that they both made out, but only because she missed me and that the guy looked "so much like me". Pssssh. After that night, she forbid her friends from talking to me and vice-versa, which was totally weird, and her explanation was simply: "We don't see eye-to-eye anymore". About 8 years later after her and I permanently broke up, I contacted her friend, and I discovered a lot more happened than simple kissing; she ordered no contact between her friends and I so I would never find out about it. She never owned up to it. She also re-activated a dormant Facebook she claimed to not have. Sorry for the rant, this just seemed to strike a nerve with me.
Fashion Accessories
Moncler Jackets
Nike Dunk SB Shoes
Nike air Jordan shoes
nike air max shoes
Nike Air Shox shoes
Nike basketball shoes
Nike air Yeezy shoes
Nike Ken Griffey JR Shoes
Nike soccer shoes
RADII Footwear
Burberry Shoes
Gucci sneakers
Polo Shoes
Supra shoes
nike air force one shoes
Adidas Shoes
Cole haan Fashion
Prada shoes
MBT shoes
D&G Shoes
Louis Vuitton shoes
Tods shoes
High heel shoes
Karen Millen
Timberland boots
CL Men Shoes
Puma Shoes
Vlado Shoes
ATO Matsumoto shoes
Vibram FiveFingers
Men jeans clothing
Women jeans clothing
Ed Hardy Hoodies
Men T-shirt Clothing
Women T-shirt Clothing
Men long sleeve t-shirt
Women long sleeve t-shirt
bags & handbags & luggage
Ugh that's so terrible. Sometimes I don't know whether or not to thankful for facebook for making things more evident or hate it for making people more paranoid or whether to blame it. This post made me sad. =/
As for her reaction, it sounds normal. I've acted similarly but for some reason never lost a dramatic amount of weight. Even when I'm "happy" and eating I fluctuate within a 10lb range of being 105-115 more or less within that in a week without my sizes or any obvious features changing. Many people get suicidal when sad, I know I do...but if she hasn't shown signs of actually wanting her life to be over, I wouldn't get the notion in her head. But yes, if this continues, professional help should be mentioned...but don't go throwing around the word "suicidal"
@LightBlue21@xanga - I really hope everything works out for you. I'd be really antsy and depressed too.
I have been there. I think I lost 10 pounds in a period of 2 weeks. I couldn't eat, sleep, watch TV, go online, etc. Everything reminded me of him. Every time I tried to eat, I would break down sobbing. But like with everything, time passes and the pain will eventually cease. That breakup definitely made me stronger. No regrets.
I'm glad you're such a good friend. A couple years ago, I had a terrible break up and for the first couple of days, I had someone to talk to and then everybody started to evade me and I absolutely had no one to help me through my depression (which lasted almost a year), but I picked myself up off the floor. I think she'll be able to do the same, but support absolutely helps.