I'm 23 this year, and just got out of a relationship with this guy I regarded as 'the love of my life.' We were together for a year and a half.
Everything was great, and then he went into university and started working towards his studies and career in the investment banking line, and I graduated and entered the work-force. That left us with plenty of major changes in terms of our self growth and development; our perspective and mindset on various issues differed, and to add on to that, we spent less time together, and eventually, our relationship became rocky and we drifted apart (sadly). Nonetheless, we both agreed to work hard on the relationship and to try our best to keep it going as we cherished our bond.
That was until I logged into his Gmail account (we shared passwords) to compile photographs and our past email conversations for a Valentine's Day scrapbook gift. I came across some Whatsapp conversations (a chat program for Iphones and Android phones) he had sent to his email. Strangely, I felt a sixth sense to click on it. While I should not have been snooping, I'm glad I did because otherwise, I would have never known he was cheating on me.
The contents of the conversations clearly showed that he was speaking to a girl we both know, but he had changed the girl's name to 'Charles,' as a means to hide her identity from me. The conversations were provocative and over-friendly and it sickened me to my stomach to read them. To think he had once told me that he would only back-up our conversations via email because our conversations meant so much to him.
The moment I read those messages, something in me died and I knew I would have to break up with him because I'd never be able to trust him again.
I confronted him, not letting him know I had read the conversations. I hoped he would at least be honest with me, to bear respect for me and for our relationship. He denied everything, and even sent me an edited version of his conversation with her, trying to cover up his lies with more lies. Finally, I told him I had read the conversations. That was when he came clean and told me I had infringed his privacy.
He did finally apologize after a few days, and even got me some presents. He told me he was not looking for a relationship with her, but it felt like he could speak to her regarding his career in banking whereas I could not understand him in that aspect. That hurt a lot. He told me he knew I would not want to be with him romantically, but he wanted to stay in my life as a good friend.
I have not answered him. Every time he texts me, I read the messages and feel an uncontrollable sense of betrayal, disgust and hurt. I did not reply to him, and do not wish to reply unless I am sure I can be friends with him.
I am friends with all of my other exes, but that is because I did not lose respect for them or for the good times we had shared. I do hope to be friends with him one day, since I do not wish to be one who bear grudges and it is true that we have the potential to be good friends. However, everyone around me who knows him as well has told me he is not worth my time, even as a friend. I don't want to be friends with him and feel such hurt when I see him either.
So I wanted to ask, what is your take on being friends with an ex who cheated on you?
Thanks everyone for your valuable insights.
Have a good year and smile no matter what happens! Never lose hope in true love. Cheers!