Sunday, 12 February 2012
I came across this blog today while stumbling and had to read it because well, I need all the tips I can get on how to build self confidence. That plus I was bored.
Anyway a couple of sentences piqued my interest and since I'm trying to challenge myself to write more I figured I might as well come here to blog about it.
Here's the first:
Building self-confidence is something that most people leave to chance. Many settle for the belief that as you get older you’ll just automatically grow in confidence through “experience.”
But waiting for external factors to give you confidence is like building your house on sandy ground. When the flood comes, your house will be washed away and left in ruins.
I'm totally guilty of this. I keep wondering when the day is gonna come when I'm fully confident and happy with myself and the vision that I see is of me as an older woman, probably in my 30s and up, and at a business setting.
I somehow think that confidence is just gonna come to me then, but the funny thing that sometimes when I really think about it, I find it hard to see myself fully confident. I question whether it is even possible to be 100% confident with oneself.
Maybe the reason why this sentence struck a cord with me is because it has made me realize that in order to be confident with myself I gotta work at it. I knew that already but I guess I needed a verbal, or maybe a written reminder.
The author then goes off to explain how allowing external factors to build your self confidence can lead to failure, and even danger.
The majority of men who are active in the dating scene are a good example of [how building confidence through external factors (women) can be a failure]. They try to attract as many women as possible, allowing their confidence with [dating] to grow only when they attract a better woman than their last.
This type of confidence is built on external validation from women and the responses received, and not from within, and so when the flood comes (rejection/break up), their confidence goes with it.
I totally relate to those words! It kind of made me question what I've been trying to do lately in terms of dating.
I decided recently that I've finally had enough of this single life and I'm just gonna start dating. I've realized that part of the reason for me being single for this long is that I've been holding out for the perfect guy (you know, the one on every girls list; tall, dark, handsome, etc) and well, the perfect guy is hard to come across on a daily basis if at all so in a way I've been setting myself up to be single.
On top of that, being single this long eventually started getting to me and started making me feel like there was something wrong with me, like being ugly, or that I'm cursed. After a while I just stopped being concerned about wanting to find the perfect guy and just wanted to find any guy. At this point I guess I'm just looking for a little validation. Someone to reassure me that I'm not cursed or ugly.
I was talking to my friend about it and she says that I'm too young to settle. And maybe she's right. But then again if she had been single for 22 years she would have understood where I was coming from. I remember being adamant that I was not gonna "settle," but it gets to you no matter how strong you think you are.
Anyway, so I've been struggling with my decision. The morality of it. Would it be fair to date a guy just to get my feet wet and not really because I genuinely wanted to be with him? Would I be settling? Or would it be considered more as being open-minded and less picky?
This blog definitely made me question my decision even further because truthfully, I agree that if I chose to date someone just to validate myself and to build my confidence then my confidence would be built on "sandy grounds" and may easily fall apart. Furthermore, the author points out that by relying on external factors, if I were to ever be heartbroken or rejected, I would begin to question my worth and my confidence all over again.
Tough things to consider.
I don't know what to make of this new perspective. It kinda seems like I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't. I could die and rot single or I can date freely to seek validation and have it all blow up in my face later.
I guess I gotta figure out which is the lesser of the two evils.
What are your thoughts?