Saturday, 11 February 2012
I met James in August. I had already been corresponding with him for a couple months, as he was coming here from the UK on holiday. My sporting hobby team had offered to play host to him, and so most of my communications with him were strictly regarding that. When he came out to play, the guys on my team went berserk over him (since he's fairly well known in the game). They were drooling over him, so I just focused on playing well. I gave James a hug after the game and another after departing from a group dinner.A bunch of the guys on my team joked about how he should find a girl here, marry her, and just never go back to the UK. He really wants to immigrate here, but it's a nearly impossible process and marriage is the easiest way.After his return to the UK, we often chatted on Facebook. He asked me if I had found him a wife yet, and I told him that if I was supposed to be girl scouting for him I needed to know what he was attracted to. His response? "Funny. Smart. Gorgeous. Actually, someone exactly like you. I actually enjoy talking to you. Would you marry me?"
I thought he was joking at first, but he was serious about it. I told him that I'd be happy to marry him once I finished graduate school so that he could come to America. I never intended to get married, so a sham marriage actually seemed like a nice way to help a friend. We researched all the protocol and basically are just waiting on me to be ready.
After that conversation, he told me that he actually does fancy me and was surprised I didn't notice him staring me down at the game. We had locked eyes once and not separated for several seconds, but I hadn't thought anything of it. The more we chatted, the more flirtatious and romantic the messages got. We'd Skype for hours and play games online together.
He has been asking me to come visit him in the UK and asked if we could get married when I get there. I told him it wouldn't count if we married there, we still need the marriage license and official stuff for the US; essentially, a marriage in his home country would be purely ceremonial. He said he doesn't care about immigration anymore.
He doesn't care about the paperwork. He wants the ceremony in front of friends and family and for us to belong to each other for life. This kind of took me by surprise. Realizing that I actually do have strong feelings for him caught me off guard as well.I was fine with the idea of a sham marriage for immigration, but the thought of actually marrying him for love makes me both happy and nauseatingly terrified.Should I insist on maintaining a platonic-based sham marriage until he gets permanent status, and then decide if we should actually be together?
Should I treat our sham marriage like a two year dating trial? Or should I not marry him at all now that real feelings are involved and the situation could get more complicated?