Wednesday, 08 February 2012
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That Awkward Moment When...
You can't tell if it's a date or not.
What is the difference between 'Let's catch up' and 'Will you go out on a date with me'?I have had a few of these events recently, where I have been to the movies with friends, just caught up for coffee/hot chocolate, and where we meet up in a group but stay after everyone else has left.
Where is this mysterious explanation that defines a 'date'?In some of these instances, there has been flirting, however obvious or not. Needless to say that sometimes people just can't help themselves. When something slightly suggestive is said and you yell in their face 'THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID' and then laugh hysterically for a little while, it can't be helped.
What about when they ask after you catch up, that they hope for that to happen again, soon? Was that a date?
Then that other awkward moment when someone else thinks it's a date, but you thought it was just a catch up and wanted it to stay that way.
How is it that you can subtly outline what it is that will be occurring when meeting up with someone?
The woes of being single.
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Comments (35)
I have no idea O.O I've only dated my ex husband and we were 13 when we started so I guess it's not the same LOL
unless you know for sure, it's not a date. that's the rule i go by.
How about you just ask? There's nothing difficult about it. If it is not a date, just tell them you were wondering. If it is a date and you are not interested, just let them know you appreciate hanging out with them, but you can see the friendship not going any further.
You could be like the last guy I asked out and make me clarify in what context I wanted to have dinner with him, so he could graciously decline. I'm really glad he made me clarify because that would have be awkward if I went to kiss him and he thought I was just trying to make a new friend.
I've always just asked. Or said it beforehand like, "You know this isn't a date right?! haha" and their reaction says it all. Be it disappointment or the mutual agreement of it not being a date. =) Or even during, throw it out there randomly. Can't take life too seriously.
My official stance is that it's *not* a date unless both people are aware of it.
Uh.. it's a date if someone else suggests it and picks you up, meets with you, then pays for your food/movie tickets/etc. Or any of the above. Plus he's dressed real nice, with cologne and a shy hopeful impression on his face. DATE. WOOO WOOO
man I need to get out more
Once back in college I met a girl and I called her to meet and set up a date. I came to the spot dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. She was dressed up all in white and had a beautiful necklace on and was all made-up. This was at lunchtime btw and a place on campus. I look back on that date and think it was my own fault since I asked to meet with her but didn't clarify that I wanted to meet with her to set up a date, not go on a date that day. Anyways, I was relatively new to the dating scene at that time and since then I've learned to clarify what the heck is going on. haha.
Aren't those questions that should be asked before hand? Even in a joking manner, if someone says, "Let's go out for coffee, dinner, etc. etc." a simple smile (or giggle if you're a girl) and a "Like a date?" would be enough for them to clear it up without the burden of trying to figure this out on your own.
Unless you ask me explicitly, it's not a date. I actually had a guy get insulted and said that "you should have been able to tell that it was a date" when he didn't bother to do anything outside of the norm. He and I had been friends and went to dinner loads of times before he decided that he liked me, so therefore we were on a date.
What about when your ex bf calls you and says he's in the neighborhood and asks whether you wanna go grab something to eat with him?
@m_artaa@xanga - That just sounds like awkward catch-up time.
@eatdrinkandbemaryy@xanga - that's gonna be my rule from now on! lol good idea.
@isitreal_no@xanga - frees yourself and himself from all liabilities.
I don't really think that there's one definition. Just gotta feel it out.
the problem is people get anxious and obsess over this stuff. The answer to all these questions is- does it really matter? And i'm not apathetic or anything. But really, does it matter? If u had a nice time, then hang out again! There should NOT be expectations- REGARDLESS of whether its a 'catch-up' (between a guy and a girl..?? ok, catchup away then), or a 'date'. expectations is what disappoints us. expectations without any reason behind them. people just expect things to go or not go a certain way because of how they feel.
doesn't matter if its a date or a catchup. just take it in stride and DON'T HINGE YOUR EMOTIONAL STABILITY, SELF WORTH AND INTERNAL HAPPINESS ON A PERSON! Its sad the way people define themselves. Good luck with that.
so just relax. enjoy life, and don't put expectations on stuff. If things progress, there is a word used to CLARIFY what is reality. That word is C O M M U N I C A T I O N. Healthy communication + a healthy person = healthy progression in a relationship, and less unnecessary emotional drama.
OR, we can do the opposite and enjoy high ups and high downs of time with someone of the opposite... or same sex.
Personally, if they aren't upfront about it being a date, then I'm going to assume it's not. My guys friends pay for me sometimes. Whether they like me or not, I don't know, but I'm going to keep treating them like a friend if they don't say anything about a date.
I'm not very good with subtle hints.
I'd always assume it's not a date unless it's specified otherwise. It things continue with that person, and it's still unclear, I'd ask what his intentions are. I'm not good with hints, and I'd rather know for sure and ask, even if it seems like it should be obvious.
After high school, I practically decided all dates have to be addressed as dates. At times, it has resulted in some awkward dodging of physical contact since I was not aware of their intentions. All relationships are in the category of "seeing" until I am introduced as a "girlfriend." Apparently going on dates doesn't mean we're "dating."
Maybe the question is if it really matters. In the end you have to get to know one another before coming together. In my opinion a less "formal" meet up is better than the whole "let's go to a romatic candlelight dinner" story. If the other person flirts often or gives you certain compliments or looks or seeks physical contact you know they want more.
Hey, let's go out on a date... dinner and a movie?
Hey, let's catch up. Maybe some bowling and beer?
Done.
People should be more straight-forward in that case.
If a guy asks you out alone, he wants to bang you. Simple as that.