Friday, 03 February 2012
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Untraditional Weddings
This post was submitted anonymously.It seems that the majority of people who dream of their wedding day think of a nice fancy place (like a church that is important to them), a huge rock (ring), a fancy dress (have you ever seen Say Yes to the Dress?), etc.
There was a post on here recently about the meaning of marriage and how it's becoming distorted. If getting married isn't about those materialistic things, then why have some big fancy ceremony? I saw a quote once that said, "The marriage is for the couple, the wedding is for the family." But I believe the wedding is the celebration of marriage and therefore, also for the couple.
My fiance and I have decided to have a destination wedding... meaning, we are getting married in Bermuda, just the two of us. We're going to do everything for $10,000 - including air fare, a hotel, food, our honeymoon #we''ll already be in Bermuda, why not?!# rings, my dress, his tux, etc. And we'll have a reception when we get back to celebrate with family and friends. I think with just the two of us our wedding will be personal, romantic and almost fairytale-like.
Some of our family and friends are really happy for us and fine with how we have decided to do things, but others aren't as flexible. My coworker told me he would love to get married the way we are, but he knows both his family and his fiance's would have a serious problem with it, so they decided to do it more traditional.
Even when we first got engaged and my mom asked how he did it, she said "Oh. That's WORSE than the way my husband proposed. AT LEAST he made it a surprise." We know we want to be together, I picked out the ring, so he just asked one night, at home, while holding my hand. But why is this a comparison, mom?
What are other people's opinions on how they want to get married? Would you go against what your family and friends expect/want from you if you wanted to do it differently? What do you think of our wedding plans?
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Comments (44)
well it is my wedding and i would do what i wanted for sure
my friends and family will eventually come around and see it my waythis day is special for you and your soon to be husband follow your heartI once wanted the whole church thing and like planned the whole fancy thing.
but as I thought about it more and more, I don't need all that.i was thinking something more intimate and perhaps outdoor... :)
I'd love to runaway somewhere special with my future husband to a place that means something really special to us both, without the huge ceremony thing.
To be honest.. the whole traditional ceremony seems like a whole lot of bullox to me.
I always felt that a big old wedding is a waste of time and money. Like, you're getting wed to impress! Expensive everything. Why would I want to pay for everyone on MY day? Crazzzzzy people! So yes, just the two of us wedding or if he just has to have a family one, small and intimate. Then spend all the money we didn't waste on other people... on our honeymoon! Genius!
I want a potluck at one of my favorite hiking spots. My family would support it b/c it reflects my values.
My husband and I got married at the courthouse. My parents wanted to come but his parents couldn't make it/tried to talk us out of it. His brother and "best friend" were the only other ones who knew. The way everyone else found out was through facebook. I didn't want to spend all that money and we didn't do a honeymoon. We'd much rather have the money to pay bills and want to get a down payment for a house.
I honestly want to go on vacation and elope. I don't want to waste my money on a wedding and the person I would want to tie the knot with doesn't have a good relationship with my family and neither him or I care for his family either. So we don't have to give a shit about that. And I doubt our friends would make a fuss if we ran off.
It's YOUR day, YOUR life, YOUR marriage. Do what YOU want. It's sweet to honor family traditions but I wouldnt feel like I have a knife in my back if I wanted something different.
I want a church wedding because I have my faith but we're going to do nondenominational vows (the ones without the word "obey" & at my fiancee's gentle insistance because he doesnt want to memorize things. LOL), I'm not wearing white because I feel the tradition is outdated & the color looks horrible on me & it's going to be an intimate wedding with no more than 70 people. I love how my friend Vivi talked to me about it!!! She said "why would you want a big wedding when all people will do is talk shit about what you wore, the food & spend too much money?!". Granted my friends arent like that but she's right about the money part. I cringe seeing people spend in one day what can go towards a house. My wedding is gonna be a DIY mostly wedding.
@whiteblackgray@xanga - That's a great idea! That way everyone feels like they helped out in your day (& no one can say they couldnt find something to eat). I would just make sure to invest in some heating racks & some good coolers since it's going to be outdoors & you dont want the food to spoil or not be served properly because you cant heat it.
@lilblucherrygrl@xanga - Destination weddings are great. Where are you going? Just so you know, I looked into that too & you have to check in advance if you leave the country if your marriage will be valid & if there's no limitations. Some places say you have to be a resident for 30 days (it's waived if your SO is a native of the country) or some are just symbolic. Like when I looked into a caribbean wedding, they told me I would be married at the port of call & that the ceremony on the island was symbolic. And some places may let you apply for the marriage license by mail.
I actually really want to do a traditional wedding at home, surrounded by all my friends and family, followed by a big reception. I really love to travel, so I thought a destination wedding might sound appealing, but to me it just sounds kind of lonely. We'll have the whole honeymoon to ourselves, so I feel like the day of the wedding I want to celebrate with my family and friends. My boyfriend/possible future fiancee means a lot to me, but so do my friends and family, and it wouldn't be the same without them there. Luckily, he feels the same way, as he tends to have a "the more the merrier" type of mentality. Also, my family is pretty spread out across the U.S. and even some people overseas, and big events like this are the only times everyone gets together in one place. So I'd love to have a big wedding, and get everyone together for a happy occasion.
My boyfriend and I are just going to go to the courthouse and get married. I don't care to dig ourselves into a financial hole on what's supposed to be our big important happy day.
Wow, thanks everyone!!
I originally posted this and have been getting a lot of negative feedback, mainly from older generations about how I better do things the "right way." My mom even told me she was going to play the lottery and said, "If we win, we'll pay for you to have a proper wedding."
It's heartbreaking that people can't accept your wedding and day as just that.... YOUR DAY.
But it's really great to see that so many of you are open minded, optimistic and just fine with having an untraditional wedding, like I plan to have. Thanks for your support!
To each his own. An extravagant wedding doesn't say much if the marriage itself collapses. I think you guys are doing great and setting a median by having a personal, romantic getaway and still involving friends and family through the reception. I think it's a fabulous idea!
we want to do it outside. have a simple and quick ceremony in a gazebo and then have a bbq picnic style reception. we're simple people who love to just kick back and relax and have fun and enjoy the time with friends/family.
however my family wants it bigggggggg. they want it in a church like every "good catholic girl" should be doing. then have a big extravagant reception which we just can't afford. so they'll definitely quickly realize that it's our style. it's our way to do things that we want to do and they won't be mad or anything on the actual day of the wedding so we aren't worried of their opinions anymore we just can't wait to have a great time with everyone and celebrate the wedding :)
My husband and I got married at the courthouse, and we didn't take a honeymoon. It cost us about 600 dollars to get married, including the rings.
If my parents or his parents wanted a "traditional" wedding, they can pay for it. I'm not fronting the bill for something I didn't really want. Now if the guy wanted it (which...I can't see unless he is getting pressured by his family, which again goes to my point) then that is another story.
I don't even know what kind of wedding I want or any details. It hit me early on it depends on who asks me to marry them and the point I am at in my life. I'm pretty certain if I marry an Indian American, it might be different than if I would marry a white dude. I'd probably try getting away with wearing traditional Indian wedding clothes instead of a white dress haha.
Only thing that matters is my best friend is there.
@babiipnay7o6@xanga - Thank you! I think it's a wonderful idea too:) I'm super excited!
@Face_Of_Innocence@xanga - Well, obviously that worked for you and made you happy then. For me though, it's something I only plan on doing once, I'd like it to be a little more special.
@Digital_Angel21@xanga - Well, of course if you haven't met that person yet, you have plenty of ways you could do it and time to think about it. But I think it's great that you're so eager to please him and want him to be comfortable... too many women forget it's the man's wedding too.
It's your day, so celebrate it the way you want to! I can understand the whole traditional wedding way ... I've grown up thinking that I would do the same, but what happens when I'm not as close to the people in my church? Lately I've been fantasizing about a beach wedding or something! Haha, I have no idea what will happen but it never hurts to dream :)
My husband and I eloped...we didn't want to deal with the expenses and stress of some big fancy wedding that's not even our style to begin with. Instead we went on a 1½ month trip around Korea and Jeju Island, and for our one year anniversary we had a small backyard reception to celebrate our marriage with our family and close friends :)
When I was single I thought about a big procession and how fabulous it would all be. When I met someone I could realistically see myself with forever I switched and became one of those small wedding, very few people..people. Just me, him, and our immediate most personal people, and the great outdoors as a witness. Weddings are about two people, not family, anyway.
I know a lot of people consider the wedding and all that to be for the benefit of the family and friends, etc., but if I were getting married, it's going to take into account what the groom and I want (especially if we are going to be paying for it) because that's what I feel that it should be about.
I'm pretty old-fashioned, and so my future wedding will reflect that. It's an important moment in my life, my family's life, and my in-laws' lives, so I want it to be a formal, traditional event. Plus, I have several Slovak traditions I want to incorporate into my wedding.
To each their own wants. I wish people weren't so mean about traditional weddings. Just because you don't want one, doesn't mean other people don't either..You don't have to go putting it down :(
Personally, I LA LA LA LOVE my family. All hundreds of them spread through out the U.S. and Asia and Australia, Canada, etc... I would love for them to all get together to celebrate with my husband and I. Whenever I go to a big wedding, I always meet new family members I never knew existed before. And the thought of seeing all my important friends through all the stages of my life makes me so happy :)
if and when I get married I'll be doing it more your kind of way. I rather just spent the money that is going towards the ceremony on a vacation. And I don't want a ring either.
I'm from Vegas so...get married any way you want!
Honestly though, I believe in getting married the way that's right for you. My parents don't care whether my wedding is grandiose or low-key, but the whole rest of my family is about big weddings, crazy receptions, all of that stuff. I'm not against any kind of wedding. Though it's good to take the family's opinion into consideration, you're an adult an you have the final say.