Friday, 03 February 2012

• Want to Ruin Your Relationship? Keep Nagging

  
  Infidelity is disastrous for any relationship and is a leading cause of separation, but nagging has the potential to be just as damaging according to a recent article posted on The Wall Street Journal. Common sense dictates that the severity and persistence of the nagging will vary between couples and so will the level of tolerance. However, all forms of nagging need to be addressed, and the key to this is communication. If you need to nag about wanting to have better communication, quickly leave with careless abandon like you're the captain of Costa Concordia because that's an even bigger problem in your sinking relationship.

  Why does nagging happen in the first place? "We have a perception that we won't get what we want from the other person, so we feel we need to keep asking in order to get it,"states psychiatrist Scott Wetzler. He later proclaimed that the sun is indeed bright, but I'll have to get back to you on his sources. It's a very simple process, and it goes as follows:

  Nagger nags.

  Naggee gets irritated.

  Nagger keeps nagging.

  Naggee has had enough, so they withdraw and use the silent treatment.

  Nagger nags even more because they're being ignored.

  Vicious cycle continues. (If you want an alternate ending in this "choose your own adventure" article, the naggee proceeds to stab the nagger in the eye with an object of invariable sharpness... taking the dagger to the nagger, if you will.)

  In analyzing this behavior, I couldn't help but make a direct comparison to a mother and her child, which is what the relationship becomes coupled with power dynamics. Why use a mother in this example? While men are capable of nagging, it's purportedly more common in women according to "experts" which the article fails to name. The reasoning is that women are conditioned to manage the home and family, which keeps them on top of things leading to the nagging. Makes sense.

  So if this is true of women, what of the men? If you buy into the generalization that men are terrible communicators, it can be argued that they don't give clear answers and sometimes withhold it to spare the feelings of their partners, especially if the answer won't please her. Both sides can be at fault, but only one side will talk your ear off while pregnant, wanting a pint of ice cream from the local store at 3AM: A lazy, sweet-toothed husband with a tumorous gut.

  Women appear to be craftier than American cheese, however. In fact, you may even find a Post-it note stuffed between the ham and cheese in your sandwich as a result. Ken Mac Dougall can attest to this, as he found the unwanted condiment in his own serving. Getting floor tiles from Home Depot as soon as possible took precedence over his appetite. "I don't need a reminder in the middle of my sandwich," said Mr. Mac Dougall. Rightfully so.

  Before you start to feel down on yourself, let it be known that nagging is as common as losing brain cells upon watching a GOP debate on Fox News. Almost all relationships will encounter some nagging here and there. Thankfully, there are ways to fix this if it becomes severe and makes a santorum-like mess of your relationship. Being a push-over and giving in to every demand is not one of them.

  

  • Realize that everyone works at their own pace. While you might like to get things done the moment an opportunity arises, your partner may not share the same eagerness or feel the same sense of urgency. In these cases, it's wise for the naggee to state that they will do the task, and set a time-frame. The nagger must accept this and trust their partner provided that they consistently deliver on their promises.

  • Do it yourself. So your partner doesn't see the urgency in bathing the hinges of your bedroom door with WD-40 because the creaking drives you nuts. So what? Pick up a can and do it yourself, it's that simple. If it's only bothering you and it's a trivial issue, just take care of it instead of nagging and verging on Bruno Mars levels of annoyance.

  • Being the nagger is oftentimes just as frustrating. As a naggee, understand the issue that the nagger is bringing up. Talk about it if it's a significant problem. If the nagger continues nagging to no results, feelings of anger and resentment may begin to creep in.

  • Acknowledge that the nagging exists and set some ground rules. This is simple communication, and one of the more effective ways of curing the nag cycle. Sit down together as a unit, and devise ways in which you can improve.

  • Always be clear. Don't pussyfoot around the issue or give cryptic replies as the naggee. Be honest and tell your partner if you can do whatever it is they're asking or not. As for the nagger, it's important to state exactly why it is they're making the request, and why it matters to them in a calm, understanding manner.

  • Wear earplugs.

  Like most other relationship problems, this one can be fixed in a variety of ways and it's definitely worth the trouble. Howard Markman, a professor of psychology at the University of Denver, published his research in the Journal of Family Psychology which found that "couples who became unhappy five years into their marriage had a roughly 20% increase in negative communication patterns consistent with nagging, and a 12% decrease in positive communication."

  In conclusion, nagging is only acceptable when you're asking for hot sex.

  Have you ever been called a nagger or been subjected to one before? How did you deal with it?

  Sincerely,
  Nunez Love Doctor

  Certified with a PhD in Naganomics & the Nagasaki Nightmare.

   

  For further reading on ways to ruin your relationship, click here.

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