Thursday, 02 February 2012
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Eros & Philia
Let's start with vocabulary, just to be sure we're talking about the same thing here. Terms evolve with time and what meant one thing originally becomes a whole different idea as time passes.Platonic Love: It's often used to designate intense feelings towards someone but not related to sexual desire, as there's love but no desire at all. I'm not going to be using this new meaning but the original which is, "Chaste but passionate love, based not on disinterest but virtuous restraint of sexual desire."
Love: I'll be using Socratic love. "I love you" means I feel the void of your absence and I feel the need to acknowledge your truth, to know as much of you as possible. (You being "you," my children, a student, a book, a particular science or philosophy, w/e.)
Eros: I won't be referring to lust with this word but to romantic love as commonly known these days, meaning romantic feelings linked to sexual desire and the willingness to act on those feelings.
Philia: Is the Greek word for neighbourly love - the bonds of friendship that bind us together.
Why am I talking about this? Because it bothers me when people confuse my feelings and that happens so often that I feel the need to deconstruct them and see if they're right and I'm delusional (I like to delude myself but I don't enjoy feeling like I don't control my delusions). So Eros is a big deal for me. It happened to me just once and I treasure the experience and revere my memories beyond reason.
It's not the sex but the intimacy that I cherish. Sex is physical and in many ways inconsequential. Enjoyable yes, but it doesn't allow you to get close to the object of your affection. Intimacy does that and intimacy can contain sex but it's not about it and definitely doesn't requires sex to "be."
Sitting on his lap while facing him, letting yourself delve into his eyes or closing your eyes to hear him breathe is much more beautiful than the act of penetration. I'm sure I don't want to try to recreate the experience of Eros... I'm done with it.
And what about Philia? That seems like a very practical and easy going concept. Friendship is comfortable and not painful at all; just companionship and caring sweet feelings towards someone you find closer to you than your acquaintances. It can often be a source of joy and a safe haven where you find understanding words and advice. A friend would be that guy that has the patience to hear you when you're down and no matter what you tell him, he'll laugh with you.
The thing about friends is that you can share anything and won't feel weird about it (at least not for long) and they have your back. Of course to be friends, the feelings must be reciprocated otherwise you're just taking advantage. I'm pretty comfortable with Philia and I do believe in the concept of loyalty and wanting the best for your friends. It makes me happy when I see my friends thrive and succeed.
I would say I feel love for my friends (Socratic love). Do I think of a male friend sexually? It might happen, but those physical reactions are easily repressed by strong morals if there's no real intimacy.
Platonic love is a whole 'nother story. This would be the only kind of love I could aspire for. Sadly, I don't think it's possible.
You get the beauty of shared intimacy, staring at the starry night, holding hands and talking forever about anything or not talking at all just breathing in the other person's scent as if your life depended on it. You can share dreams and watch them work, you can have formal dinners and go dancing, you get Valentine cards and roses... full commitment and honesty, just the joy of his company and the sound of his voice. You get to keep yourself away from sexual intercourse. Sounds pretty romantic, but I don't think it's possible. Some day one of the two would want physical satisfaction and it'll either end bitterly or just become normal Eros which I don't care for.
How do you define your feelings? Do you have your own personal categories, or is it something you don't pay any mind to?
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- From: xXxlovelylollipop@xanga
- Name: xXxlovelylollipop
- About Me: I'm a 31 year old single mom, an eager reader, a good friend, a loving daughter and sister, anthropologist, proud of my roots, funny and talkative :-) This is my third xanga account, I hope this one last longer lol I just get sick of it and then I miss it. I was NadiadeZ not long ago but I didn't feel it was personal enough so i deleted that one and made a new one, happier, family focus site and so far I'm enjoying it.
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Comments (14)
Haha, Ok I lose. I don't define my feelings. I enjoy having my feelings define me.
Can't a few different "types" of love combine to characterize the kind of love I have for one person? I feel like platonic love, eros, and socratic love all describe my love for my boyfriend. All of them. Is that weird?
@Shadowrunner81@xanga - and I totally agree with you. Categorizing my love for someone feels strange.
Ever since my boyfriend and I broke up people have been asking "what are you now?" Cause we may not live together anymore but we still see each other when we can. We still have sex. And we still share very intimate moments together that don't have to do with sex. Will we be together again? Maybe. But not right now. I have no fucking clue what we are now and I have no problem with not labeling it. People can't seem to wrap their minds around it though. I'm happy with our situation for now and it's all that matters.
The term "platonic love", when it was first conceived, referred mainly to male homosexual love. Fun fact.
I've said this to you before, I don't see why would you have to quit romantic love over one failure, you had on eboyfriend, one husband and because he failed you decided to close all doors to love. Everyone gets a broken heart and yet we keep trying.
@makou3347@xanga - the Greeks conceived of the asymmetricality not in terms of the gender of the partners (male-female), but in terms of active and passive roles; hence pederasty refers to an asymmetrical relation between an older and active partner,the lover/erastes; and a younger, passive partner, the beloved/eromenos
my parents didn't have sex until marriage, so was their love platonic before marriage?
@xXxlovelylollipop@xanga - Another fun fact!
for some reason, i just felt like i read a bunch of words...
@lilblucherrygrl@xanga - so would ya be pissed if he got with someone else at this time?
also, what anime is that?
@Heatedflame@xanga - No. I have no right to be pissed since we are not together. Plus as much as it hurts to think of him being with someone else like that I'd rather him have experiences like anyone else. I'm living my life and he has the right to live his. I just want him to be happy.