Monday, 30 January 2012
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Is My Ex Over Me?
I ended a 10 month relationship with my boyfriend a bit more than a month ago because of his jealousy and controlling behavior. He was fine at first but got really mad at me for talking to other guys after the break up. He stopped texting me and ignored me in person. He also tried getting revenge by posting "lovey" messages about a girl to make me jealous.
We talked about it. He was mad and accused me of trying to make him jealous but I never did. He then deleted me on Facebook and I stopped talking to him. I went on full NC (no contact) during the winter break.
When we got back to school, he was everywhere I was, talking to my friends but not me. Later on I found out he told his guy friends to stop talking to me. His friends told me that he doesn’t want to see anyone go out with me. And I heard from my girl friends that he said I was stealing his friends.
I hated this situation and wanted to make peace. I gave him a b-day card last week and talked a little and we assumed we were friends again. He was surprised and appeared to be happy.
The thing is he wouldn’t add me back on Facebook or text me even after we said we were friends again. He was cold when I started to talk to him, but he’s been showing up a lot in front of me, going to the place that I usually hang, taking longer routes to pass me by to the next class, and wearing the outfit that I said I liked.
Why does he behave like this? Is it because he has totally moved on or is he still mad that I broke up with him? He is very sensitive and insecure. Is that his ego? Was he upset because he wanted me to try extra hard to show I wanted to be with him either in a relationship or friendship?
If you're really over someone, what kind of normal behavior should I expect? Would they stop talking to you at all like they don’t even notice you? I’m really confused and frustrated since I have to see him every day and it’s hard for me to let go. We did have a great time and we were both first loves. It hurts when I see him being a jerk like this.
I didn’t want to leave him but he was causing too much stress on me and I had lost my social life because of him. He made me cry all the time for no reason. I felt like a bird in a cage but I had deep feelings for him the whole time. I gave in and tried to compromise but he just became worse; that’s why I had to let go.
Can anyone tell me why he is doing this? What does he want?
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- From: losee
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Comments (37)
What he is doing is acting like an immature little bitch. The best you do can with that kind of behavior is to leave it behind, because all he seems to be concerned about is having you under his control. You'll just need to drop him and move on in your life. You don't someone some with that negative energy in your life.
"Later on I found out he told his guy friends to stop talking to me. His friends told me that he doesn’t want to see anyone go out with me. And I heard from my girl friends that he said I was stealing his friends. "
He sounds obssessive. In my honest opinion, if he really were over you he wouldn't do that kind of thing just to spite you. Why should he care who you go out with or who you talk to? This is the kind of reaction a kid would do if he were to have an arguement with a close friend. It's ridiculous.
Breaking up can be hard, ugly or easy. But I've known people that even after they've broken up in a previous relationship, they still talk to each other cordially. They even end up being great friends.
To be more blunt, this guy is being completely immature.
What to do in that case?
Just ignore him and maybe one day his childish tantrums will end. Guys like him finish going through emotional puberty when they get to be an old man.
I can't help. I've never been in your position, only his. He's hurting, so don't expect him to be rational.
You don't need to worry about him. At all. Stop trying to be friends. He clearly only wants to act like an ass. Who cares about facebook and why would you want your ex to text you? Put on your big girl panties and act like an adult. Smile, don't apoligize and ignore him. Even if he's right there. There is no reason to keep giving him the time of day. Damn girl.
He sounds very immature and from what you say about him ... you're better off without him. Just ignore his antics and act friendly and normal around him. Hopefully it will help him realize his own feelings regarding you.
He wants you back, but you're going to have to get used to him acting like this for a little while and maybe even go back on NC so that he can get over you and move on.
He is definitely not over you. Try changing up your routine a bit, like hanging out somewhere new, make new friends, walk a different way. I wouldn't say to full out avoid him, just try something a bit different and if you see him well then you see him. Just act like he's another body walking around school. There's no point in trying to be friends with him anymore.
I say this because you going out of your way to talk to him and try to be friends is giving him the attention he wants. You know how you're wondering why you two aren't FB friends again? He's probably doing it on purpose so you can bring it up to him and give him that attention. Don't fall for it.
I dont think he is fully over you. I do believe he is trying to get over you. Maybe thats why he is trying to not talk to you too much. You say he is insecure and was very possessive. I would expect him to try his best for him to not see you with anyone. I think he is just trying to get over you.
to be honest, looks like you're not over him either if you pick up all these things. it seems that you sort of want him to not be over you.
I think he's immature. And I think most of us have those feelings..like we don't want our ex to find happiness if we haven't, or not so "soon" after the break up. But usually people keep those feelings on the dl. But apparently not him. I know it's hard to do because he's around you a lot, but act like you don't give a shit about him or what he does. If you act nonchalant or indifferent towards him he might get angrier, but then he can't really say you're doing anything to him because you're not. It's neutral, and eventually, you'll make peace, even if you're not bffs with him.
He's a controlling piece of shit. I just divorced one like him. Run far away. Make new friends. Distance yourself from him....no more birthday cards for that asshole!
If your mutual male friends won't talk to you, then tell them to kiss your ass. Make new male friends. If your female friends gravitate towards the former boyfriend then tell them to kiss your ass too. Find new female friends.
None of these people seem to care so much about you; the drama is so much more interesting to them. They really aren't your friends.
Let them all go to your ex.
Then you find someone who treats you with respect and love and kindness....THAT is the best thing....a positive move.....
Good luck....
I very much agree with @grammarboy@xanga. Sounds really immature, but my boyfriend and I have gone through some semi long term on/off phases and truth is..it happens. My boyfriend went through some serious crazy extents to bother me, and got extremely jealous and controlling post-relationship. Get this, he's the one that broke up with me o.0
Anyway, I've endured crazy and have been extremely crazy. You can't expect rational from someone in that kind of emotional pain.
my ex did this to me to, i'm sure he's upset you ended the relationship with him but for most guys, esp jealous guys, they always want the upper hand in everything so that's probably why he's still doing those things to you. my ex def got the upper hand in our relationship bc he beat me to the chase, but he made sure that i didn't see anyone after him so he kept tabs on me by using his friends.
ugh! right when you mentioned that he was 'controlling' a big red light shoulda went in your head and said danger! ... in my perspective and from what i went through,... his dam ego seems to have gotten the best of him and he doesnt want to 'admit' the fact that he's hurting.. so what does he do? he tries to backlash at you by doing all these sha-na-na-gans. girl! you do what you gotta do, dont let his sorry self beat you to it!! shine through, head up, and show everyone you could care less!
after any break-ups ... i always expect the awkwardness ... the bad/good memories... seeing each other from time to time...sad/mad/ neutral feelings... but always remember this: there's always a reason why everything happens and falls into place. ( i'm a true believer of this ) ... and for this case it was your gain!!! and for him being a jerk-off... his loss!
nope he isn't over you. He maybe got it intellectually and now tries to understand it emotionally which is why he wants to completely ban you for a while. Or he secretly wants you to come back. Or both, which might be the most likely.
The thing that helps him (or both of you) LEAST would be you seeking contact again. Never be with someone because you pity them. Not even in friendship. Even though you aren't the right person to be his friend anyway. That can only go wrong.
Give him time to get over it and to look at it from a distance, and you can move on too.
you put your foot down and stopped him from continuing his bad behavior towards you by breaking up with him, so he's turned into someone more possessive and possibly one of those psychos, who can't take no for an answer/if I can't have her, then nobody else can. lock all your windows & doors and walk with pepper spray & 911 on the one touch speed dial.
If you're really over HIM, why don't you stop trying to be friends with him? Obviously he's being a jerk so it doesn't really matter whether he's over you or not. Cut him out of your life.
Why do you need to be friends with him? I'm over my ex-boyfriends, and I'm not facebook friends with them, or talk to them ever, or want to talk with them.
If you broke up with him, it must have been for a reason, and you've listed them outright. He didn't make you happy enough to overshadow all the crap he also put you through. Not to be mean, but instead of asking if he's moved on, you might want to wonder if you've moved on, yourself. You seem to have focused a lot on trying to make peace with him, but evidence has already proved it's futile [at the moment]. If his behavior is bothering you this much, he isn't worth your time or energy. So, let go, let him have his life - even though he does seem to be desperately trying to claw his way back into yours. Give the relationship space, and it will end up in its rightful place.
Also, Facebook doesn't make relationships - people do.
@eatdrinkandbemaryy@xanga -
Yeah I did regret this right after the break up but the more I see him as a person other than my bf, the more I believe my decision was right. It was painful to end a 10-month relationship esp it was our first love but I did let go a while ago.I am frustrated becuz he's affecting my social life. Friends might find it uneasy to bring up a plan with both of us in it. His guy buddies either stop talking to me or have to talk to me secretly and that sucks. They all said"I don't want him to be all pissy and stuff". He's just a handful.
I wish he would stop his childish behavior soon..
@princessflowers@xanga -
I totally agreed with what you said. It's a mixture of feelings but mostly frustration now.
@thisiswhereItellyoueverything@xanga -
I can't. We go to the same school and he's now in my social group becuz of dating me but I wish I could..life could be so much easier.
he realized that he can't control you because you are no longer in a relationship with him so instead is trying to control external factors like the guys that you talk to. he also feels a sense of control by not adding you back on fb, texting you back and being cold. Frankly, I don't see why you care if he's being an immature douche about things. You continue doing your own thing and stay strong. Don't get tempted to go back to him because from the way your writing it seems like you wanna
@Orlei@xanga - Haha I dated a guy ages ago, and when we broke up, he said I had stolen all his friends, because none of them talked to him anymore. Actually no, dude. Nobody likes you because you're an immature little twit. That's why all your friends don't talk to you anymore.