Friday, 27 January 2012
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Setting Myself Free
The other day, my boyfriend got mad that his friend was texting me. It was overly flirtatious in his opinion, whereas all I saw was friendliness. And don't get me wrong, I'm not that skank kind of girl that thinks she's doing no wrong. There was nothing there at all, but he doesn't let me talk to any boys, so talking to his friend that is a boy was even a threat.
But right now we are sitting in the same room, both studying for coming exams, separately. On the tv is his girl celebrity crush, and we have to watch that. And on his phone he is texting another girl whom I don't find a threat at all and am not jealous of in any way. But if you were to ask me, if I found their friendship annoying and obnoxious, I'd have a few words to say about that, but that's another story for another day. We just got back from watching a bunch of his girl friends playing basketball, as well.
I'm not jealous, but my point is that I don't worry about that stuff and I just let it go even when he's attempted to cheat on me three times (all unsuccessful... pathetic) and yet he has the nerve to forbid me from texting who I want. I thought it'd be okay considering it was his friend, so he knew nothing was going to happen there. But not even that is allowed.
So today, what I'm thinking is I want to set myself free. I decided that I want to gain control over my life again. And I don't mean in such a way that we are going to break up, but I just don't see why he should be able to control who I talk to and what I do when he doesn't give me that same power (nor do I want it... I don't think that's very healthy). Sometimes I just think I'm too forgiving and let too much go, and in that I find myself compromising myself and my values for the sake of keeping us together. Which makes me pathetic as well.
So I'm setting myself free of all "pathetic-ness" and all control that I've allowed him to have over me. I'm taking over. And I'm going to do whatever makes me happy.
What if he doesn't comply?
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- From: WingstoFlyxo@xanga
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Comments (44)
Just drop him. From what you've described, he has control issues, and you're deluding yourself if you think a change in your attitude will necessitate a positive change in his.
I don't know why you're with him if your relationship isn't functioning well. Even if you really like him, it doesn't sound like you have similar perspectives of what is and isn't OK in a relationship. I'm glad you're doing whatever you want to do and you SHOULD do what makes you happy, but I don't think the way you're handling it is necessarily the best way. A relationship is dependent on both parties being happy and getting what they want out of the relationship. I don't think what he wants is respectful nor is it realistic, but it doesn't seem like it's going to get rid of all of the troubles in your relationship. I would sit down and talk about it and figure it out, and if you can't... I'd lose him.
girl almost every commenter is going to tell you to DROP HIM. and trust me, they're all right.
...Why are you with this guy? You really want to spend your life like this? If you died tomorrow, wouldn't you regret your life? Come on girl.
wait what??
First, he doesn't let you talk to any boys? Is he that insecure?
Second, he's attempted to cheat on your 3 times?
Third, he tells you not to talk to buys but he can freely talk to girls???
Am I the only one that sees something wrong with this..
Maybe you need to rethink your relationship
If he doesn't comply, leave. It sounds like a one-ended relationship. Either he eases up a little, or you leave.
First and foremost... what the hell are you doing with someone who has TRIED to cheat on you??? Who does that? You seriously want to waste time on someone like that? Second (and there shouldn't even be a second), he is trying to regulate the things you can and can't do. Who you can see! When he doesn't even follow by example. There is no respect in this relationship.
So get out of it. REaLLY SET YOURSELF FREE.not worth any more of your time with this guy!
you deserve a whole lot better, one thing i learned from my 3 long term relationships is that love does not make you unhappy, love does not make you doubt. if he makes you unhappy or gives you any doubt, he's not the one.. move on, find someone who'll make you happy and never worry.
If you're not happy then the relationship needs work or possibly just isn't right for you. There are all kinds of relationships and in my opinion a very good way to measure what's truly healthy for the couple is that both of the people involved should be happy with the situation. You don't sound happy.
If you truly want to feel free you need to let go of this pathetic person.
He has double standards! What gives him the right to tell you who you can/can't talk to when he has tried to cheat on you ... Set yourself free!
I try to avoid saying this, because I feel like most people automatically jump to this phrase on Datingish posts, but DUMP HIS ASS. His double standards suck!
I don't recommend this for just anything, because I think people are too concerned with getting what they can from a relationship and not concerned with what they can put into it...but in this case...
drop this worthless piece of crap. That's exactly what he is, and if you keep telling yourself otherwise you'll just end up more hurt in the end. That, or worse, you'll end up coming to think of yourself what he thinks of you now.
You're property to him.
Put the house up for sale.
@articulate_silence@xanga - great minds think alike, apparently. Well said!
Abusers like to control others. It can escalate. I think you are wise to leave now. And, if he doesn't comply?? Get law enforcement involved. Good luck. Been there. Done that. (Let your folks know what is happening. They can be your strongest ally and witness.)
PS You will love being free again!
Christy
He attempted to cheat on you THREE times and you're still with him? Even once is pushing it. You should know that you're better than that and there's no reason for you to stay with him. He's clearly got some issues he needs to work on and he does not need to be bringing you down with him.
So you're going out with an unfaithful control freak. Okay...You're not free.
Kick him to the curb. You never know how far away you are from abuse when it comes to one partner or the other being in control. I've seen it way too many times and way too close to home. Just a warning.
Also, trying to cheat on you three times? Would you stick around if those three times had been successful? Why are you still with him?
He's tried to cheat on you, three times, and all you're going to ask for in a relationship is a little lenience to talk to other people? wtf?
He sounds like a fucking psycho.
So if he doesn't 'comply', babe you can do better than a control freak, it would be his loss for you letting go.*generic 'Leave him' comment*
Omg I have this EXACT SAME PROBLEM with my boyfriend and recently I've (tried) done exactly what you want to do- set yourself free. I've spent almost 3 years in a cage (I'm 22!) I just absolutely lost it. Either he has to give me freedom or I have to break up with him. I've NEVER given him reason to think I'd cheat on him, so I don't know why he can't trust me.
I recently made some "guy friends" and make plans to see them. But he's already interfered in some of our plans- like I can't go get dinner with ONE guy alone, because it's like a "date" but coffee/tea is okay. I can't ride in one of my friend's cars because he thinks we're too friendly (some of that though is because he's one of my close high school friend's younger brother...) I met my friends in a treatment hospital (loooong story) so automatically we're going to be closer than people I'd meet in school or at work. They know a lot about me, and vise versa and we've seen each other at our worst and grown healthier together. We had to eliminate a lot of negativity from our lives, and we found positive strength in each other.
I'm all about making changes NOW before I drown again and end up in the hospital because my mental health deteriorates. My brother (he's 20, his friends are all 20/21) told me I should just get a ride from my friend and do other "obscene acts of disobedience" (lol) until he gets used to it. He's on my side- his friend who's had a gf for like, 2 years lets her go DOWNTOWN to DRINK AND PARTY with her friends and doesn't think twice. He trusts her enough not to "mack on other dudes". My boyfriend won't even let me get SUSHI with a kid I like to talk philosophy and metaphysics with.
Long rant aside, talk to whoever you want to talk to, hang out with whoever you want to hang out with, if your boyfriend has a problem with it, tell him you're sick of following his rules, especially if they're just double standards. If he wants to break up, then well, maybe he wasn't the one for you. Just don't cross that line between friends and flirty love interest with guys and you'll be fine.
If he doesn't comply? Dump his ass.
My last ex (W) was always texting his ex girlfriend (K). We all grew up together, and her current boyfriend (R) was a good friend of ours as well. My W and K stayed good friends after they broke up and I had no problem with that when we started dating. It's a small town. What got to me is when W and K told R and I that they had a problem with us talking to each other (when we've all known each other since we were children). And then I was at the movies and K started texting W and then he left the theater to call her. I was like "ummm...no. Ciao". Anywho, the point of my stupid past is that you can't let someone do that to you. It's not right. Life, LIBERTY and the pursuit of happiness, no?
It sounds like you don't respect him. He doesn't trust you. He's trying to control you. Why are you still dating him!?