Friday, 27 January 2012
The other day, my boyfriend got mad that his friend was texting me. It was overly flirtatious in his opinion, whereas all I saw was friendliness. And don't get me wrong, I'm not that skank kind of girl that thinks she's doing no wrong. There was nothing there at all, but he doesn't let me talk to any boys, so talking to his friend that is a boy was even a threat.
But right now we are sitting in the same room, both studying for coming exams, separately. On the tv is his girl celebrity crush, and we have to watch that. And on his phone he is texting another girl whom I don't find a threat at all and am not jealous of in any way. But if you were to ask me, if I found their friendship annoying and obnoxious, I'd have a few words to say about that, but that's another story for another day. We just got back from watching a bunch of his girl friends playing basketball, as well.
I'm not jealous, but my point is that I don't worry about that stuff and I just let it go even when he's attempted to cheat on me three times (all unsuccessful... pathetic) and yet he has the nerve to forbid me from texting who I want. I thought it'd be okay considering it was his friend, so he knew nothing was going to happen there. But not even that is allowed.
So today, what I'm thinking is I want to set myself free. I decided that I want to gain control over my life again. And I don't mean in such a way that we are going to break up, but I just don't see why he should be able to control who I talk to and what I do when he doesn't give me that same power (nor do I want it... I don't think that's very healthy). Sometimes I just think I'm too forgiving and let too much go, and in that I find myself compromising myself and my values for the sake of keeping us together. Which makes me pathetic as well.
So I'm setting myself free of all "pathetic-ness" and all control that I've allowed him to have over me. I'm taking over. And I'm going to do whatever makes me happy.
What if he doesn't comply?