Wednesday, 25 January 2012

• Best Friend vs. Girlfriend

  

  So, this past weekend, a situation came up and I don't quite know how to feel about it.  My boyfriend's best friend since high school texted him and asked him what was wrong with our relationship.  He told her nothing, and asked her why.  She said I was "going wild" on Twitter and she didn't like it.  He isn't on Twitter, but his nephew and niece (both 16), and three of his other friends (including this girl's ex-boyfriend/baby daddy) are all following me. 

  None of them have ever said anything about having an issue with my tweets, or mentioning an inconsistency to him.  So he gets mad and starts to argue with me, and I am completely lost.  She said I posted something about being "Team Single" and there was a picture of my lingerie, and all this nonsense.  I didn't know, at the time, that she was the one who had said it.  He claimed to have gotten it from more than one person, but I know he was just saying that to protect her. 

  When I explained to him that a lot of the things I post are random, or retweets of things I relate to or agree with, he asked to see my page.  My Twitter is public, so anyone can access it.  After a little more bickering and him telling me to think more before I post stuff, he saw my page, decided there was nothing incriminating, and dropped it.  The tweets she was referring to were years ago, before I even met my boyfriend.  I never name names unless I mention someone, and I definitely don't put my really personal details up for the world to see. 

  Hell, I don't even talk about my son on Twitter or put pictures of my son on Facebook!  I don't want the entire world to know every intimate detail of my life.  It's none of their business.  Most of it, like Twitter is supposed to be, is random thoughts spurred on by what's going on around me or something I see/hear on TV/radio, etc. like EVERYONE on Twitter does!  IT'S JUST TWITTER! 

  I really don't understand why SHE is so damn upset about things that she is not only bringing up from before I even met my boyfriend, but current things that she is misunderstanding and could have easily gotten clarification from by simply asking me.

  I understand that she isn't my friend, and that she owes me nothing in terms of coming to me about issues she has with me.  I get it.  We aren't that close anyway.  I guess I was thinking that maybe she would have had the decency to at least let me know "Hey, I don't like the things I am seeing and I wanted to let you know before I tell him."  I am nowhere near perfect, and I am sure that I've tweeted some things that could have been mistaken for something else.  I don't take Twitter that seriously!  It's social networking!  Just because I make a general statement about relationships doesn't mean it relates to my current relationship.  I'm dumbfounded and frustrated at all of this nonsense. 

  Like I said, my boyfriend and I dropped the issue, we are fine, all is well.  Now, my problem comes in when she continues to talk about me via Facebook and Twitter, calling me fake, saying I live a double life because I don't update my Facebook as much as I do my Twitter (in her mind, it means that I am not doing so to hide something as opposed to just not wanting to flood the FB timeline), I'm disloyal, etc.  Now, she never actually uses my name, but it's obvious she's talking about me, because she references things I have said. 

  I tried to e-mail her (since I don't have her phone number) to talk to her about it, and she ignored me only to post more Tweets about how I'm a "simple broad" because I am upset that she is "sticking up" for her friend.  I will admit, after being ignored and talked about again, I lost my cool and fired back.  Was it the right thing to do?  No, but I was angry.  How is it okay to talk ABOUT me, but not talk TO me about your issues that you have WITH me?  So I went off. 

  I posted a series of tweets basically letting her know (without using her name) that I think it's cowardly that people would be so nosey as to go back YEARS, not confront the person you have an issue with, and then turn around and act self-righteous about it as if she has no flaws at all. 

  I had to stop myself from putting her out there, because the viscious part of me wanted to put some details of her personal life that I knew she was hiding from pretty much everyone just to show that she, if anyone, was the one with the double life.  The ironic thing is, my boyfriend isn't exactly a saint either, and there are things that she (or anyone else) doesn't know that would probably change the way she sees him, but the issues are resolved and we are living our life. 

  Funny thing is, after I did my go off, she texted him and said, "You can tell her to stop talking about me."  He gets upset again, until he realizes that I was just angry and retaliating.  Now, I have since deleted her from both my Twitter and Facebook.  My relationship is fine, and that's all that matters, but it still bothers me because I was told that she was still talking about me, saying that she was the better person, etc.  Like, seriously?  I could have sworn I was 24 and she was 29.  Maybe I was mistaken.... Anyway.  My boyfriend and I are the type that, when an issue comes up, we fix it and move on.  Dwelling does not exist in our relationship vocabulary.

  My issue comes with the "Now what?"  That is my boyfriend's best friend.  I don't want him to be put in the position that he has to not only be a middle man/mediator to this foolishness, but have to choose between his best friend and his girlfriend.  I know in the future, he is going to want to invite her to our son's birthdays, and when we go back to his home town (where she lives) to go out to dinner or whatever.  I wouldn't have a problem with it if she would just get over it all! 

  The bitch in me wants to just tell her "Look, I know (insert details) about you, so stop acting as if you are spotless."  But I know anger isn't going to do anything productive.  If she wants to talk about me, fine.  I know I can't please everyone, and most of the time, I wouldn't care.  I don't want to drive a wedge between their relationship, but I refuse to be around, and have my son around, a woman who is nothing but negativity and drama.  I mean, if that's supposed to be your best friend, and he is happy, shouldn't you be, too?  If that's your best friend, and he fixed the problem, shouldn't you just drop it, too? 

  I thought about writing her and letting her know how I feel and to drop it for the sake of their friendship. Then I told myself that I should just keep ignoring it, and IF we do ever come face to face, pull her aside and let her know.  Either way, I am still bothered that the situation even came up in the first place.  Not because she "told" on me (I have nothing to hide), but because now I feel like my boyfriend has had to become the peacemaker between two of the most important people in his life. 

  I don't want her to like me.  Like I said, I couldn't care less about her liking me or even talking about me.  I just don't understand why she can't let all of this go.  Maybe my error is in expecting her to simply move on like we did.  Who knows.  Would it be nice?  Sure.  Will I hold my breath?  No.

  Any thoughts or suggestions?

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