Right now, I am stuck between the feelings for my current boyfriend, and my ex boyfriend. I love both of them dearly and it is so hard when your feelings for one person surpasses the feelings for another.
The ex (it will be a year, April 28th, since we've broken up) was amazing and everything that I could ever ask for. He wanted to marry me, or that's at least what he said, which he wasn't really the lying type. He was sweet, caring, and he never kept any secrets from me... or so I thought.
Our break up involved his enlisting into the military without informing me and being ignored for 3 days because he was too afraid to tell me. But it wasn't our break up that made him and I estranged from each other, it was some unneeded/regretted arguments (you know, the arguments where your "friends" are telling you stories and you believe them because they "wouldn't lie to you") after that which made us dislike each other.
During the months that my ex and I were not contacting each other, many guys showed interest in me, but I was not ready to date yet. There was just this one guy who said, "It's worth the wait" and that guy is my current boyfriend. He makes me so happy. He is sometimes a bit of an asshole but that's just his personality. And when I say asshole, I mean, he sometimes says things that upsets people, not me so much.
In late September, my ex re-added me on Facebook and started talking to me again. I soon learned that he was dating someone that he had met on his base. Until recently, my ex had been texting me (started around December, though he gave me his number in early November). When he first started texting me, it was extremely flirty, but I guess he started getting the vibe that he was under the "friend-zone" and more of an acquaintance.
With that realization, he started to talk about his current life, and now, he doesn't text at all. Which confuses me, but maybe his girlfriend was getting upset that he was texting me, because his friends probably told her about me.
So yeah, right now, I am just overloaded with feelings for both my ex and my current boyfriend. My ex, as I mentioned, was actually planning to get married with me (which is why his enlisting to the military came as a surprise to me) and my boyfriend, I'm not really sure about my feelings for him. I know I love him, but I'm not sure if I love him enough.
What would you do?
Try for your ex? Stay with your boyfriend? Let fate decide?
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Comments (32)
Ex or neither.
I think you should take some time to yourself and find out what you really want because jumping into relationshi'ps too soon and the getting back might hurt you and the guy/s too. It's not such a big deal to say "hey, I'm confused here and I need some time to figure things out". Appears to me like your ex has moved on, if he has a girlfriend I woudl say that the right thing to do would be not trying to get him back while he is in a relationship.
Leave them both.
In your eyes, your boyfriend is the trusty standby and your ex is that exciting new fling (not in a first-time sense). When your ex stopped talking to you, you got upset because you liked the attention. It's fairly obvious that if your ex made a stronger pass at you, you'd probably dump your boyfriend and go for him.
Neither of them deserve the potential shitstorm you're about to cause if you go for your ex again (who, according to you, also has a girlfriend).
And this idea of "letting fate decide" is utter bullshit that immature girls use to justify their actions. You ultimately control your destiny. Stop kidding yourself and just break it off with both of them, because if you can't decide between the two of them, there's a good chance you're not going to do well with EITHER of them.
Neither sounds like a really good idea. Ex has a girlfriend. You don't have deep feelings for the current one, sounds like he's just fun for now because you still have feelings for your ex. Plus, I don't know if I can proudly appear anywhere with my man if he is kind that says things to upset people. I suppose it depends on what he says to upset people. If he is trying to stir up conversation and debate, it's one thing. But if he says things that are downright mean to others, I don't think I'd want that kind of person to be my boyfriend/husband. Sometimes, it's good to be alone. Honestly, no one can really tell you what to decide/choose. You have to consider all the pros and cons, and remember that people's feelings are at stake. Best of luck.
Love him enough? You either love him, or you don't. You obviously don't, as you're having second thoughts. Do him a favor and come clean.
You shouldn't even be talking with your ex in the first place. Good luck to your current boyfriend.
I'd say neither.
Two things:
1) Put aside your emotions for decision making for this one. Remember the grass is always greener.
2) Get some new friends.
I kinda wonder if your ex sent you all that info and started being flirty to try and figure out where your feelings were in relation to him. Maybe he was trying to see if you would get jealous? Just a thought.
You already burned the bridge to your ex.
Break up with your bf.
What you are doing is unfair and it's called emotional cheating. How would YOU feel if he was doing the same thing you were?
After that, you can do whatever the hell you want.
Your ex and you broke up for a reason and that reason was because he hid something from you. He's in a relationship now and do you think what he's doing (sending you extremely flirty texts) is appropriate? How would YOU feel if your bf was doing that to one of his ex girlfriends? Not only that, you two chose to believe your friends instead of "communicating" with each other. Yeah, friends are supposedly there to have your back and look out for you, but at the end of the day, YOU have to look out for yourself.
You have a bf (I would like to think) and he has a gf, you two need to set appropriate boundaries with each other and your "friendship." If you have feelings for him, break up with your bf. If he feels the same way for you, he should also break up with his gf and both of you can get together (even though that's a pretty shitty to do to your significant others).
If your ex proposed to you, yeah, he was planning to get married to you. If he had just mention it, no, he wasn't. Regardless, he didn't care enough to tell you that he was enlisting in the military even though he claim he wanted a much bigger commitment with you.
Neither. I'm glad other people came to that conclusion independently too!
Stick with your boyfriend. It is not fair to your boyfriend for you to still have feelings for your ex. Try to forget everything about him and focus on the moment with your boyfriend. To achieve this you should cut off contact with the ex because that was in the past. Everything might have been beautiful in retrospect but that's because memory is selective--we choose what we'd like to remember.
If you leave your current boyfriend for another shot at your ex, and that doesn't work out, then you lose both a potential soulmate and get your heartbroken a second time by the same person.
I was in a similar situation, but I chose my current boyfriend because I know there was a reason why the supposed perfect relationship with my ex didn't work out. I've never been happier with my decision.
am I the only one who found the title kinda dirty? bahaha hard place.
lol anyway, I'd choose neither. You arent truly emotionally invested with you current bf which is unfair. And as for your ex he has a gf and if he really wanted to marry you, he would have discussed big life decisions such as enlisting in the army. If you truly like this new bf than, scratch the ex outta the picture and actually invest in this relationship. But if you truly liked this new guy you wouldn't have such conflict of emotions to begin with and wouldn't be coming up with excuses like "he's kind of an asshole to others"
Never be with a man you are thinking about leaving.
That's stupid. And mean.
you both moved on. stick with your current. believe me i made a similar mistake, even slept with the ex. my current forgave me but it caused a large bump in our road. you have a guy that loves you and finds you worth waiting for. dont juggle and end up hurting someone good for you. also my bf is a total asshole too lol but he loves me and we're quite alright heading to marriage and stuff soonish
Everyone is stupid!
Even though he said he wanted to marry you doesn't mean he feels the same now. And he's flirting with you while he's in a relationship. That should be a redflag in itself. I don't care what past we've had, any guy that comes to me flirting while in a committed relationship is blacklisted in my book. Don't let him pull your heartstrings, hunny. If your current boy is not treating you wrong, then why not stay with him and be committed to him instead of going behind his back and talking with your ex? Don't be that girl. It already seems like it's headed that way. Stay faithful or be completely single and flirt with whoever you'd like.
Best of luck!
I would say ur current bf stick with him bc it's obvious ur ex is playing games
...why would you want to be with a boy who said he wanted to marry you but at the last minute snuck off to the military? that he did not even discuss the possibility with you or give you a heads up says a lot about what a future marriage to him would be like.
First of all, you don't want to get married to someone who will enlist in the military without telling you. Second, your ex is not talking to you right now- that's a very non-confusing way of saying that he doesn't want to talk to you. So nix him right in the bud.
New boyfriend might be okay, depending on what you mean by "he upsets people sometimes". But if you're not that into him, do him a favor and dump him. Then don't date until you're over the ex.
1) If your current boyfriend stumbled on this post, I suspect he'd make the decision for you...If I were him, you'd be gone faster than I get rid of the olives on a prepackaged salad...
2) Your ex doesn't seem to be pursuing you now, he's (sanely) moved on. So this isn't even an issue, unless your next post is asking how to steal an ex from his current g/f.
Your current bf or neither. Your ex is in the past. You broke up for a reason, and he has a new gf now. Leave it be. Its never a good thing to mingle in the past. Give your new boyfriend a chance. You never know. Or break up with both relations and focus on you. When the right one comes along then there will be no secrets, no false promises, and no insecurity.
I have a different take on the whole "taking of significant others". Nobody gives a fuck about what makes you happy, short of maybe family and yourself. If you find a situation that will provide what you want, I'd say go for it. Specifically addressing your situation, leave them both alone because you don't yet know WHAT makes you happy.
You are justifying the possibility of wanting to leave your current bf simply because he can be an "asshole" sometimes. You don't say that about the guy you are in a relationship with. You're trying to justify why you would like to get the attention from your EX back on you even though a) you are in a new relationship with a guy who actually WAITED for you to heal from the horrid breakup with the ex in question and b) he's flirting with you via text! what does that even mean? He has a gf. And he stopped talking to you because he probably concluded that continuing to flirt/text/talk to you is like playing with fire and he's going to get in trouble with his current GF.
Just because a guy TALKS about he'd like to marry you someday... it doesn't mean he was planning to propose to you. The man enlisted to the military and rather than tell you about it in the beginning, he was willing to LEAVE the country to avoid confrontation! You can try to relive the all the sweet, caring, loving memories of your ex doing NICE things with you while you were together... fine. Imagine him trying to get back with HIS other exes while he's been nice to you during YOUR relationship. KARMA is a bitch, what goes around comes around, what makes you think you weren't just filling his attention void while he and his current are hitting a few speedbumps?
You need to tell your current bf what you're feeling and what the situation is with your ex. Don't let it build up around you until he feels like you're being distant and get hurt by the whiplash effect of your negligence and selfish tactics of wanting your ex's attention focused back on you. If your ex loved you, he would have discussed the possibility of him enlisting. He'd man up and TELL YOU. But he didn't. He ignored the problem and perhaps confronting you for 3 whole days! whatever for?! After discussing your current situation with your bf and he gets upset, lose his trust/faith in you & your relationship, that's your fault for being a flirtatious ex chaser. At least be honest about yourself. g'luck
@scribbles - i did too
*tee hee*
but seriously the guy is your ex for a reason and he has moved on, so should you, give your current boyfriend a chance, but if you don't see that relationship working, which i would say you don't considering you're questioning it, then break it off before the poor guy gets hurt, and maybe that way you'll be able to get you ducks in a row and realize what it is that you're really looking for.