Monday, 23 January 2012
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In Love with My Best Friend's Sister
I'm in a little bit of a predicament here. I've fallen for my best friend's sister. I don't just want to fool around with her, I legitimately have feelings for her.
As far as background info, our families are great friends. We do New Years, summer trips, pretty much everything together. I started having these feelings about two and a half years ago, even though we've known each other about 10 years. I never looked at her in a romantic light before this, but when for the first time I really talked to her - I mean really talked - I realized how much we had in common.
This was in the winter. Our families continued to see each other, and our relationship grew. That summer, our families went away together for a month on holidays. This was when I really fell in love with her, as we got to be with one another every day. We have the same sense of humor, we love the same things, and I just love to talk to her. Despite her being three years older than me, we seem to be on the same maturity level.
On this trip, on the last day, we went out to the dock on the lake -- her idea not mine. We lay there, feet in the water, looking at the sky. We talked for hours. It turned to night and we were looking at the stars. She moved closer to me.. or maybe I moved closer to her. Either way, we ended up lying next to each other, legs and arms together. I was maybe 10 seconds from kissing her when her brother, my best friend, walked over with my brother and other friend. We got up and left.
Since then, we've talked over Facebook nearly every day, gone on bike rides together, and even to the movies -- just the two of us. However, I haven't told her how I feel, out of respect for her brother. I see him daily and he seems to be vaguely aware but not sure of our relationship. I do love her, but I can't help but think of the possible repercussions if I were to pursue dating her.
Over the past few months, however, contact between the two of us has been minimal. She's in second year university, while I'm in grade 12. At one point, she sent me a message that I thought meant that she was aware that I liked her, and she didn't want a relationship. I tried to respond maturely, and told her that I hoped we could stay friends. However, it turned out she was just venting and talking about another guy who was hitting on her. Since then communication has broken down.
Is it because she doesn't love me as I do her? Am I completely out of line? Is she moving on? What do I do?
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About the Author
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- From: jon
- Name: jon
- About Me: Im 17 and stuck in the city sprawl.
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 1 Views: 0 3398 Comments: 0 20 View all posts by jon
Comments (21)
Dont let this incidence broke of communication try to talk to her again and tell her how you feel i mean what do you have to loose right.
And if her brother is really a good friend and specially since hes your best friend he should understand thats what a friend is supposed to do they are supposed to stick by your side and hold you up when yuh fall. true friends will support your every decision and if he is a true friend he will support you yeah he might be mad at frist but if hes true hell get over it and stand by your side. As for this girl dont let her slip away tell her how you feel. I fell in love with my best friend and never told him now he has slipped away and my only regret is that i never told him how i felt but know its to late cus he wont talk to me worst he wont even look at me and i dont know why so if you really love her fight for her you still have time dont waste it.Do yourself a favor, and focus on other things first, like getting through school and stuff. Most girls in your general age group are too immature and selfish to really be worth your attention at this point.
First of all, there's a difference between having a crush on someone and loving them. You might want to work that out.
Second, there's no use staying fixed on someone who doesn't like you back. Take the loss, feel bummed for a couple of days, maybe buy some ice cream, then move on.
Nope. Leave it. You two are in very different places in your life.
I gotta agree @ShirleyD@xanga with you both being in two different places at time. But if you want some sort of consolidation and not always wondering "what if" for the rest of your life, then you should tell her. Best of luck.
@lewk@xanga - hahaha ice cream. that's such a chick thing to do.
If you were 20 (a guy) and she was 17 (a girl), nobody would really care so much aside from the family friend connection. I say to tell her since it appears to have been a miscommunication-- she was talking about someone else hitting on her. Good luck!
move on.
To me this is something very complicated,I understand how you feel.I was in the same situation about three years ago with my best friend.I never actually realized my best friend was falling for me and i was too blind to see it. I didnt want to believe it because come on its my best friend.You know what they say its better to have someone then know one,meaning your bestfriend. Since then we haven't talked and still no word from her,i miss having her by my side when i need someone to talk to .She knew me inside out .She knew things about me that i didnt even realize.So what my point is that if you truly love this girl and want to charish your moments then just go for it ,dont let the fear of rejection and misunderstandment get in your way. If she rejects then hey turn a new leaf.
@KingdomOfHeaven - Nope. Leave it. You two are in very different places in your life.
You may like the same things but that doesn't mean that your paths cross the same way. She may have other goals and priorities in her life, as do you. Her being three years older than you can make her priorities and ways of thinking a lot more different than you think, you may be on the same maturity level as well as you may not. Just don't get your hopes up too much
i have to agree with recent replies that you two are in different parts of your life. so don't get your hopes up. but given the opportunity you see her again muster up the courage and tell her how you feel but don't come across as being needy. you have to understand that you might lose her as a friend too and make things awkwards from that point on, are you willing to take that chance? you have to be aware if she sees you as a close friend or a potential partner. if she complies then you have a chance to make something of it but if she declines then just pace yourself and move on with no regrets.
Ask your best friend before saying anything to her. He might not really care too much, since it is usually an older brother being (understandably) protective over his little sister and doesn't want his friends near her. Doubt your friend is worried about younger guys dating his sister. But it is always good to check.
One of my younger brother's friend used to have a crush on me. I suppose when I hung out with them, at our house as I was making snacks or whatever, the time we might have spent in the same space WITHOUT the rest of the "group" was significant. He used to ask me for advice, relationship consultation and fragrance choice. He then one day told me that he thought he loved me.
That made me reflect back to how I might have led him on. I apologized and told him that I didn't care for him in a romantic sort of light. That I saw him as one of my brother's friends, or a brother like any of my brother's friends.
I told him that when I spent time with him talking or laughing or joking about things that we both mutually thought was amusing, it was because I'd rather be laughing about something I thought was also humorous rather than the rest of the group making fart noises with their hand under their armpits or repeating the words "boob" and "penis" because they were stuck in a loop. I apologized for making him feel as though the feelings of "falling in love" was mutual. But in short, she might have just spent the time with you because it was better than being bored. This may sound incredibly harsh and I apologize for the lack of sensitivity I might display here, but she's in 2nd year of univ. You're still in HS. Yes, there is a double standard to the gender difference here. But she is in a different place from where you are. She being the older "woman" in this situation, it will be viewed worse than it will be for you. Others might look at you with awe for "scoring" the older woman while she might be looked down upon for dating a high school boy. Yes, it's unfair but it does happen.
It won't be so bad once you are in Univ or in your late 20s and she's only 3 yrs older then. But trust me, she might seem wonderful and beautiful with all sort of mushy feelings wrapped in one. There must be a reason why you felt your best friend and her brother might react badly to you telling him that you'd like to pursue seriously with his older sis. I know my brother told him, calmly, that I was out of his league. Not because I was some supermodel, but because I always dated older, taller guys and I'd never take on the dating of a younger guy, my brother's friend. Her reaction might be similar to mine. She might have thought that you were someone she can talk to, but not date. After all, you are her brother's friend.
But heck, go for it. See where it goes. It's a lesson learned, really. But honestly, what you're feeling is likely be a crush, even an infatuation, not really a 'love confession' sort. She could have been just nice to you. Appreciated your maturity for not doing all the things her younger brother does to amuse himself and enjoyed your company. Don't make her regret it, just clear the air. Good luck.
The younger of the two always thinks they're on the same maturity level.
you guys are in different places right now... are you going to the same college? a lot changes when you get to college, I'd wait until after you get in/go for a little while and decide what to do then.
Do not give up hope! I was in love with my TWIN brother's best friend! He was my first crush in third grade. He of course did not like me, but then we started talking in 10th grade and he asked me out... over three years later, we're still together. :) Don't be afraid, it can strengthen a relationship because you already know the family.
Age is irrelevant; it's the mileage that counts. I think you should try talking to her again, especially if your feelings are as strong as ever and don't seem to flagging despite the issues. But, like some others have said, be prepared for rejection because she might be leery of taking your relationship to the next level since she's in college and probably wants to do her own thing right now. If she isn't ready for anything serious, then tell her you understand and ease away romantically but try to maintain your friendship because it sounds like you are good friends. Don't wait for her unless you're positive she's the one.
The way I see it, there's going to be tension between you and the friend over this regardless. AND, you're not really going to ever let it go without pursuing it. Your mind has WAY more control than your heart. Complete fact! The "heart" isn't even a real thing in terms of emotions. It doesn't carry feelings, they're all in your head.Â
So, your mind is going to make you think this is a much bigger thing than it might actually be. You could never date her, but your mind is going to make up this fantasy about her being the one, and all these "feelings" you think you had.
Do it. Date her. Tell the best friend there's something there otherwise you're just not gonna let it go.