I'm 20 and he's 21. We have been dating for 3 years this coming May. We have been talking a lot about our future lately, and we know we want to get married. Is it too young/early to get engaged sometime at the end of this year (December or so)? We will both be seniors in our undergraduate studies and I will have a job when I graduate in 2013. He is going to school for 2 more years to get his masters. We have been through a lot together (starting college at different universities, class troubles, deaths, and jobs in different cities).
We probably wouldn't be getting married for 2-3 years after we get engaged, though, because it would be nice for him to finish school first. I have always been one that wanted to only be engaged for a year or so, but now that I am older, I feel like a longer engagement is more for me (because of the planning aspect of a wedding...I am a decently busy person and really won't have time to do it in a short amount of time).
We also want to make our commitment more official; I know it is just a title and it won't actually make us more committed than we currently are, but it is still a nice thought to me.
What do you think? We have also been going through a book that has 101 questions you should ask/discuss with one another before you get engaged. We are on about 35 and it is going well.
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Comments (82)
I don't think getting engaged senior year of college is too early, but if you want to wait until he is done with two more years before getting married...maybe you should wait to get engaged as well. Just my two cents.
M
Only 21? Definitely too young.
You guys are so cute. But yes 21 is definitely young. I learned sooooooo much since I was 21 and I'm just turning 24 in a few weeks.
Sounds like yall have been through a lot together, so i think it's a good idea. Yall have come this far and been together this long. And it's not like you're not being smart about it. You said yourself you're gonna wait to actually get married till your studies are done and over with. Not a lot of people do that. I say go for it, sounds to me that getting engaged isn't going to hinder anything in your lives. Like you said, it's just the thought. Who cares if you're young, some people get engaged after dating only for a short months! And people act like that's okay just because they're older. GO FOR IT GIRL!
@blondiedeam@xanga - I agree with you. I am 31 years old and still haven't found someone I want to marry. I say, if you have found that person, you should go for it.
I don't see anything wrong with getting married at any age, as long as it's legally ok. 18 is the legal age in the United States. Many states will let you get married if you are between the ages of 15-17, provided that there is parental consent.
People take the plunge to get married at various ages. Some couples fail, while others succeed. I don't think it's the age that matters....it's how committed and serious you are about those vows. I mean, so many things can happen - infidelity, financial problems, addictions, health problems, etc - that can tear any marriage apart. However, if the couple is dedicated in working though any of these obstacles together, then it has a greater chance of succeeding.
Anyways, I think you should wait until finishing school before getting married since the two of you are in school right now. There's nothing wrong with having a long engagement though until you finish school. When I went to school, I saw many couples have long engagements. (I live in the deep south, aka Bible Belt, so it's pretty common here. I feel like an old maid at 25.) Going to school plus marriage is a lot to juggle at once. It doesn't mean that it can't be done though. However, when it comes time for bills, someone needs to be working in order to pay for them.
In theory, I don't think it's too soon. However, I would caution if engagement simply is a title for the relationship. If you don't plan on getting married for a few years, why not wait. You never know what could happen in that time--speaking from personal experience and a surprising end to an engagement after three years together as well. Just something to keep in mind. Good luck in your considerations!
I don't think you're too young, nor is it too soon. Sure you are young (as am I). After being together for the amount of time you have, I would assume you know each other well. And a long engagement is always a plus. I work with a couple that has been engaged for 10 years, and there's nothing wrong with that. I honestly do think it gives you a deeper sense of commitment. At least it did for me, when my hubby and I got engaged last February. Of course, we didn't wait that long to tie the knot -- only 8 months after the engagement.
Dooooo it. You sound mature enough and like you two know what ya'll want. Age doesn't mean shit if you know what you want already. :) And it semms like you got it all planned out. :D
I don't think it too early. As long as you guys are both
matureand are getting married for the
rightreasons. Other
peopleget
marriedafter
only knowing each other formonths. You guys been dating for
3years and that's good.
Whatever feels right, I guess.
21 isn't that young to get hitch. Well compared to society back then.
Personally I don’t think two people should get engaged unless they are both fully finically independent and self sufficient. Would save a lot of heartache later on. But that’s just me.
You say you will be engaged for several more years? Do it then. You have plenty of time to do what you want in those years, together, and then get married!
so sweet<3 do it!
everyone is different....do what you feel is right
why not.... most of the divorced couples that i know only dated a few months to maybe a year and a half in during their more "mature" ages before getting married...
My only caution is that you still had a huge transition to get through. When you graduate from school and move to a full-time job you will change and you guys might not change in the same direction. It just happens sometimes. The reason that more marriages work out when people get married later is that people change less after they transition to adulthood - you are still in young adulthood.
Definitely not. It depends on your maturity and from your post it sounds like you have it. I'm 19 and I've been in a relationship for almost a year and we're probably getting engaged after my boyfriend's done with his clinicals for physical therapy in 2-3 years. i'll just be starting law school.
I think engagement is different for everyone. And if you both think you're ready then go for it. I've been with my fiance for 5 years in april and he proposed when I was 16 right before we started living together. We planned on a long engagement. I've been given shit about it over the years but it was a step we were ready for, and we obviously haven't been proven wrong so far as we're still going strong.
You know. He knows. No one else has the right to tell you, because they aren't feeling what you feel, and they don't know what you two have... only the two of you do!
I'm 18 and my boyfriend is 26. Our birthdays are coming up, so I'll be 19 and he'll be 27. We've been dating for almost 8 months, have known each other about a year, and we knew from the FIRST DAY that we were meant to be. It is true love. Everyone knows. I'm ready to get engaged and marry him, stay committed for the rest of my life to him. He's ready for the same. I think he will be proposing sometime this summer (at least, I hope!).
If you're ready, you will know! Best of luck to you! <3
Honestly, I don't think that we can give you any answers. We can say yes or no, but it comes down to both you and your SO because you are the two people who are in the relationship. If it feels right, if it's what you both want, then why not go for it? If you believe he is the one and vice versa, then you probably have your answer. But keep in mind that getting engaged and married are both big steps. People can change and it is extremely important to know your SO inside and out and be totally comfortable with him changing (like in Bride Wars when Anne Hathaway and her fiancee realized that the two had become different people ... kind of a wtheck example but yeahh). Take into account every aspect and if you find that you are happy with the outcome, then you have your answer :)
im 21. my bf is 22. we've been dating for 5 years 7 months. we love each other. but our future is already set... we have to get a career before we even think of marriage. there were many times where i felt that i was ready* to get married, ready to settle down forever, etc.... but overtime, you will realize that there may or may not be many unfulfilled dreams out there, and getting married may cause a lot of complications. you should read some personal stories. many people get married way too early. if you guys are truly in love, a few years later on when you are capable of financially supporting yourselves, then sure, why not. dont be another statistics out there...
my parents were 22 when they got married. and had my brother too. im in the same boat as you. been with my boyfriend for 3 years in june. weve been living together for over a year now. been through a ton and talking bout engagement and marriage. we know we both love each other. I think were both not too young. that it all depends on if the feelings involved are true and the people love eachother. :) GOOD LUCKK!!!
You should read the book 'Committed' by Elizabeth Gilbert.
You sound like a responsible person who's thought a lot about this, and that's why (although 20-21 is young for most people) I think it might be ok for you two. The 101 questions sounds like a good idea! You've been together a long time, so you probably already know this, but it couldn't hurt to say it again. Any relationship has its bumpy places, so I hope that you two will be patient with each other even if you disagree on something, and work through it together. Have a happy future and a happy life!