Saturday, 21 January 2012
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Why I'm Against Online Dating Cont'd
This is a continuation of my original post
In my short time on Xanga I've learned a few things. People on your own site will actually read your post. People on a site like Datingish will only read your title and the little bolded sentences, which I didn't know the Datingish site did. But I'm going to try my own "bolding" on this post.
I should've re-worded my title to "Why I'm Against the Growing Trend of Online Dating" yet it seemed so long and I thought my post was pretty good at explaining my reservations.
First off my post wasn't about eliminating online dating altogether. So many people replied that they have met their significant other online. Most noting that they did because they couldn't find someone else out there. That's great. I included you in my original post. I mentioned that those "unlucky in love" (which can happen to anyone "cool" and "not-so-cool") should use online dating.
If you've exhausted all your options then by all means. I didn't say, "Only nerds/losers should use online dating." I said people who are "unlucky in love, workaholics and the socially awkward" (the last is probably what everyone took offense to even though I think that was a pretty fair and non-judgemental term). There are plenty of nice people who are socially awkward but they just can't get out of their shell no matter what you do.
Secondly some people started complaining saying, "I hate going to bars!" In my post I didn't mention bars or drinking once. In fact, I personally don't drink very much at all. I said people should try to get out there like joining "book clubs, volunteering or joining a community sports team." Did I say you have to wear tight dresses/shirts/pants and shake your drunk ass on the dance floor to find a life-long partner? No.
My post was about the growing trend of online dating. About challenging sites like eHarmony and Match.com, trying to make it popular/the norm. I wonder what the world would be like if most if not all people relied heavily on Internet dating sites. If that will lend to bad behavior, like laziness or "breaking off from reality." I think it's human nature for us to try to make ourselves better than what we are.
When we create our own world (like making profiles and messaging on the computer) it's only natural inclination to make ourselves seem "super awesome" and if someone doesn't like our "super awesome" selves, then they're just jerks. Yet sometimes we need work, sometimes getting rejected and not having the cushion of meeting more people at the click of a mouse has worthwhile lessons.
Ultimately, my original post was about how our world is so heavily connected, whether it's via iPhones, iPads or our laptops. We spend so much time with computers that it does affect the way we interact with people. Now the dating world is trending towards online.
I question whether or not it's a good or bad thing. If it creates healthy habits or unhealthy habits. This wasn't about "who is cool and goes to bars" and "who is not cool and doesn't go to bars." Okay, now that that's clear maybe we can have more interesting discussions.
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- From: theasianwithnoname@xanga
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Comments (79)
What's there to discuss? There's no reason to use online dating only as a last resort. It's a tool. Some people like to take advantage of all the tools available to them. Online dating isn't for real-world rejects. It's just ...there. Either use it, or don't. In your case, I'm guessing don't.
Your whole discussion seems to rely on the fact that you believe that the world, via multiple outlets of communication and the Internet, is becoming 'lazy' or 'detached from reality' or avoiding personal rejection by hiding behind a keyboard? At least, that's what I'm getting from this and many, many people don't agree with that sentiment. Especially, you know, people in a blogging community.
As for making themselves seem 'better'. Don't know how much you get out, but a liar will lie just as easily to your face as they will on your Facebook. The Internet/social networking doesn't make people liars, it makes lying easier for liars.
You could try posing an actual question, preferably without assumptions, if you really want to 'discuss' things, because I honestly can't tell what you're hoping to get out of this other than someone affirming your opinions.
Nice try, but you're shooting yourself in the foot here. Even though you are trying to defend the way you wrote your last post, the way you chose to do so was not effective. I read your first entry more than once and then replied to it, so don't just assume that either a) no-one read your post all the way through or b) that the way Datingish bolded your sentences somehow affected audience reception. The truth is, your tone was rude, so your entry came out rude. That is all. Learn how to argue effectively or deal with the negative comments.
You're just butt-hurt because nobody agreed with you.
or don't intentionally do things to find a date and just live your life and meet someone along the way when you least expect it. but if that doesn't work and fate isn't happening, take the initiative and find dates online or at real world places
@written_conversations@xanga - lol. love it.
@opheliatohamlet@xanga - exactly what i was thinking. it's true that a lot of people here don't read before commenting (i am guilty of this occasionally), but i could tell from the original post that plenty of people DID read and (justifiably) had major beef with the op's opinion.
If you can't take the heat get out of the kitchen.
Okay...
If your beef if with people not interacting face to face, fair enough. But that really doesn't have much to do with online dating sites. I stopped interacting with the person using the site after the first time we met, because I usually had their number or we were facebook friends. You fill out some paperwork, get some suggestions, meet some people. It's pretty much like having your own matchmaker. And it's very nice to know that I'm not wasting my time on a date with a guy who has a dealbreaker, like is a smoker or hates dogs.
I think online dating is an unhealthy and problematic phenomenon. It can cause a whole host of identity issues and obfuscates the entire idea of romance.
@Grtt@xanga - Well said.
There are a great deal of problems with looking for intimacy on the internet. Obviously the people on this site (above all other sites) will likely tell you otherwise, but intimacy is the one of the few things not to look for online.
@Grtt@xanga - http://secondlife.com/
@Avatarded - Thanks? Not really my thing though.
@Grtt@xanga - I think that was a joke. :/
@AlainaReader - lol No idea what it was, figured I'd be appreciative anyway.
@figritout - @LoveNLust4life@xanga - True, true.
Why the hell are people flaming you?!?!?
Uh, why do you even need a continuation? Just spew out everything you have to say in ONE post. Or, you know, learn to write well enough that you don't even NEED a continuation to 'clear things up'.
Your first post didn't explain anything at all especially about why you're "against the growing trend of online dating." It was more about what you THOUGHT and how YOU FEEL or THINK about people who has/had tried online dating. Again, the point you tried to make on your original post (on Datingish, not your personal blog) failed miserably.
Of course so many people are going to reply that they have met their significant other online because 1) online dating are NOT for those who are afraid and 2) online dating is NOT a lazy way out for a society that likes easy, quick fixes like you mentioned on YOUR original post. SOME of them had unintentionally met their significant others and some of them have use online dating because of the reasons you listed, but SO WHAT?! Who really cares what anyone do on their free time or choose how to go about their dating lives?
You say, "Yet sometimes we need work, sometimes getting rejected and not having the cushion of meeting more people at the click of a mouse has worthwhile lessons," but it also applies to real life, sweetie. It works both ways.
People who DO meet people in real live also gets rejected. They are also socially awkward. They are also extremely busy, but you what? Some of them do work on their personal lives and insecurities to make a relationship happen. It also applies to online as well. It's just the matter of HOW people choose to meet people at the end of the day.
I still think your follow up post failed. So, I guess we should just move on and agree that you do not like online dating and that it should be the last resort (perhaps for you, that is). And fyi, yes, I read all your posts before replying. I still thought the same before after I read your first post.
Yet another psychologist making their case against online dating: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-justice-and-responsibility-league/201007/why-online-dating-is-poor-way-find-love
There was a landmark study done titled "The Internet Paradox" that deserves citation: https://docs.google.com/viewer?url=http%3A%2F%2Fhomenet.hcii.cs.cmu.edu%2Fprogress%2Fjsiparadox-revisited.pdf
And seriously, why is everyone straight-up flaming this guy?
Another good article: http://pegasus.cc.ucf.edu/~smathews/negative.html
And I found this, too. "...81 percent of people misrepresent their height, weight or age in their profiles, according to a study led by Catalina L. Toma."
hahahaha
Your whole 'argument' is kind of ridiculous.
@agents_of - lol "misinterpret"
Cool story, bro.
I was not expecting Datingishians to agree with me.
@Grtt@xanga - all you said in your post was 'everyone's doing it'.
@agents_of - Really? I just re-read it, and in fact, nowhere did I say or imply 'everyone is doing it.' I haven't done it myself. (I did 'meet' my now-husband online, but it didn't happen to be through a 'dating' site.) Ergo, it'd be a bit silly for me to say or believe everyone is doing it. I did, however, say some people like to take advantage of all the tools available to them, which includes online dating. To get all self-righteous and up in arms about that fact is pretty silly, to say the least.
That's cute, though. All trying to put words in my ...fingers. Care to tell me what else I said?