I think you need to get some kind of counseling. What your describing sound like some seriuos issues that could not only hurt your current relationship, but others down the road. Oh, and going to see a 'shrink' does not mean you're weak. It's a way to get stronger and form better relationships. Just my two cents. Good Luck!

I was in the same situation. Instead, my mother abused me.

@Shadowrunner81@xanga - agreed, counseling does help and does NOT mean you are weak. Some things you cannot tackle by yourself and need someone else to give you different views and options.

Definitely get a counselor.

I sort of have a similar history except I watched my father be abusive from birth until I called the police on him at the age of 15 when he was beating the shit out of my mother. He stopped the physical abuse after that, but not the verbal and I became an additional target in his verbal trajectory.
Ended up dating a guy who was quite similar to him and stayed with that guy for far too long. The combination of my history with my father mixed with the terrible relationship I took forever to get out of (like my mother) has affected my actions and responses with my current boyfriend. I definitely need it as well..

It will help because letting phrases trigger you because it's similar to things your father said isn't healthy and doesn't go away on it's own in most cases...

I think once you learn to differentiate the actions of your father from men and alcohol in general, you will be one step closer to happiness in your relationships.  Please seek help.  It is also OK to tell your boyfriend that you didn't have the best childhood, and that you will require some patience and understanding.  He will undoubtedly be confused and ask for more information, but if he cares, he will understand.  Please, seek the help of others, you don't need to go through this alone.

The best thing to do is talk to someone who can help you, like a therapist or counselor. And to talk to your boyfriend about your feelings.

Don't demean your own feelings by claiming you wished they were otherwise.  Intrinsic to the best moments of life are pure emotion... intrinsic to the best relationships are honest emotions.  We cannot choose the way we feel, but we can choose to accept the way we feel.

You are uncomfortable (to say the least) with some actions of your boyfriend.  They center around alcohol, and remind you of a negative relationship you have with someone else... your father.

You are uncomfortable with your current boyfriend.  That's it.

I see a lot of comments recommending some sort of professional therapy.  Talking to someone usually doesn't hurt, but I will say that there is no therapy path that changes the way you feel.  The way you feel is the way you feel.  Very, VERY rarely is goal of therapy to change-the-way-you-feel.  (Remember all those stories about "therapies" that are supposed to turn gay people straight?  Yea, not so reputable, eh?)  Therapy is especially not going to change your feelings if, as in your case, the way you feel has no outwardly negative effects.  You aren't turning to drugs as a solution.  You are not a lawbreaker.  You don't have rage issues.  Why would a therapist tell you to deny the feelings you have?  They are part of you, and who you are.

The only real "problem" I see here is that your list of positive boyfriend traits if very generalized, and your list of negative complaints is very specific... but you seem to think it is a flaw in you if you leave this fellow.  Obviously, this is one small blog post, and there's no possible way a stranger reading just this little excerpt could judge the quality or long-term viability of your relationship, but you are hardly of an age where "this must be the one, because I don't have any more time for the two or the three" is a problem.

Likely you will always have issues with men who drink.  Luckily for you, there are lots of men in the world, and a lot of them don't drink.  A few of them are even Irish.  There are lots of men in the world who don't resemble your father, in almost any way.  And there are lots of men in the world who will be patient with you if you need them to be patient with you.  Some of them would even rather you had this conversation directly with them, than on an advice site =P  (Not that there's anything wrong with that, <3 datingish!).

Feelings are a MAJOR component of who you are.  You don't need to justify them, you don't need to go rooting around in your subconscious to explain them, and even if you do both of those things, you need to realize that it won't change the way you feel.  You will like who you like, and dislike whom you dislike, for any number of reasons.  Just because a guy is a "great guy", on paper, in bed, or by your friend's estimate, that doesn't mean he is YOUR "great guy".  And that's okay.

I think you need to look for straight-edge dudes, if this one doesn't work out. You don't have to accept your SO's alcohol use if you decide that's not what you want in a partner.

@Endrath@xanga - you've no idea how much your comment has helped me.

I was in the same situation as you. I had the man that I had always dreamed of being with. He fit nearly everything on my "list" of qualities. After having an abusive stepdad for my whole life, I became weary of men. I latch on quick, looking for the love that I never received at home...but I also chased them away just as quickly. I always try to find their flaws, what's really wrong with them, to prevent myself from getting hurt. I ended up hurting myself anyway. Then, after going through some intense counseling, I was able to put my stepdad in the past, even forgive him (that's not to say what he did was okay). I have a very healthy relationship now, and I even married the guy. At times he brings flashbacks of my past, with things he says or does. But being honest with him about those things helps both of us understand why I can't handle it. So be open with him about it... He may not be an alcoholic, but if he really cares for you he'll cut it down around you to prevent hurting you. Good luck!

@Endrath@xanga - I was going to comment on this blog, but you pretty much just explained it beautifully. It's always nice to know there are other people out there who understand feelings are feelings, they don't have to be explained away or changed. 

@chicbananas@xanga - I can see that's definitely been working out so far with men.. they see you get all emotional.. my feelings my feelings. Yeah no. He'll see how strongly you feel about it by just pulling back. I didn't say play mind games or mess with his sense of reality? He'll respect her wishes if she says strongly that she doesn't want him to drink excessively. If he wants the lifestyle more then her, then she deserves someone better and an ultimatum is what he needs.

Men do the exact same things with actions and not words. They pull back whenever a girl does something that bothers him, they don't express it. They get all creeped out by the clingy neurotic craziness that's spiraling out of control. An independent girl in control of her feelings, knows what she wants and should tell her man she wants him to stop doing what is bothering her because it is compromising her happiness. Simple.

seek help to help yourself first before you start to help others.