Thursday, 19 January 2012
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Why I'm Against Online Dating
With the benefits of technology there certainly come pitfalls.
Online dating is one of them.
I’m not here to tell you that you’re going to meet some serial killer/rapist/psycho online. You can meet them anywhere. What saddens me is simply what human interaction has evolved or rather devolved to.
When people break up (following the mourning process of binge eating and/or meaningless trysts), they usually try to literally put themselves out there, either by going out regularly with their other single friends, joining a book club, volunteering or engaging in community sports etc... Nowadays it’s become more and more popular to simply make an online dating profile. They “put themselves out there” by sitting in their home, waiting for the exciting pings of IMs.
Often advocates of online dating will say that dating/flirting on the Internet is easier because:
A) You know people are looking for a relationship.
B) You will meet people you would’ve never met before without the computer and thus go on more dates.Point A is almost completely false. While it may let the shy, introverted person confess their loneliness, the Internet doesn’t magically make people who normally lie, honest. Point B is true but again, actually going out and EXPERIENCING the world is really more fun. It’s like people want to skip the journey and get to the end. Why should they explore the possibilities of in-person interactions when they already have someone on the computer ready and willing to mingle?
I would argue that in-person interactions have so much more value. There is more risk involved and if you fail in either getting a date or maintaining someone’s interest, as many people do, you can learn from that failure and be stronger for it. In the online dating world, even if one encounter fails, there are still hundreds of profiles to click through. You and your ego are cushioned by the blow since all you have to do is message the next hottie that comes up on your computer screen.
It seems that online dating is for those who are afraid. Afraid of rejection, failure, ridicule, etc… But instead of facing those fears they create their own virtual world where their better lighting/posed pictured selves can “mingle” with other supposed hotties. But in the real world the lighting is not as kind. You can’t stay in that pleasing pose forever and openly flirting with someone may result in an in-your-face-rejection. Yes it hurts, but isn’t healthier to stay in touch with reality? To recognize not only your strengths but your short comings?
Online dating to me is the lazy way out for a society that likes easy, quick fixes. Now it’s becoming more mainstream as eHarmony and Match.com parade their most attractive, normal couples on commercials as if to say, “See? Pathetic losers aren’t the only ones who date online!”
In all honesty I do wish for online dating to be a last ditch effort for those who are unlucky in love (I have the most sympathy for them), the workaholics (who have no life) and the incurably, socially awkward (you know who you are). Otherwise I would recommend for people to rub their eyes from their computer screens and step out into the sunlight. Meet people the old fashioned way, face to face. (And I don’t mean via iPhones.)
How do you feel about the reliance in technology for the purpose of dating?
Signed,
TAWNN
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- From: theasianwithnoname@xanga
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Comments (108)
I see where you're coming from and all...
But... If one is okay with it, I don't see a problem with it. It's just another way to connect and if it works for some, it works. 'nuff said.
i met my boyfriend online, and i think for us it was the best choice. i however have an serious issue with people who date online and never meet in person. i had a friend in school who met, "dated" and fell in love with a guy 3000 miles away whom she only ever saw in person once when he was closeish to our home town and she drove 2 hours to go meet him. she called him her boyfriend claimed she was in love and was happy. i just dont see how that is a real realationship.
It clearly isn't for you. Got it.
I don't see why you give a shit how other people meet people, though.
Add me to the met my husband online category.
I met my husband online and I wouldn't change it for anything. At the time we were living in two different cities, so we couldn't even see each other for awhile and it allowed us to get to know each other in a way that not a lot of people who meet their spouse in person get to.
this is a weird post that you are writing ... on xanga... for datingish.... are you aware of the community here?
I did it because I didn't have time. Even when I was meeting new people, it was in a professional setting. I also did it because I am very quiet and even when I have met people by "putting myself out there", it was at parties and they were looking for a hook up that night. So whatever, think what you want.
Wow... um... This post is pretty pathetic and misinformed.
"Online dating to me is the lazy way out for a society that likes easy, quick fixes."Talk about an over-generalization. My boyfriend and I are going on 2 years dating and we met online. Neither of us is lazy and we certainly weren't looking for an easy, quick fix. Quick fix to what, loneliness? I could go to a bar and go home with a guy for a one night stand if I was looking for a quick fix. Finding someone whom you feel compatible with and enjoy talking to and want to get to know better and eventually meet in person doesn't sound like a QUICK fix to me. My boyfriend and I were both members of the dating site for close to a year before we met each other. We had both talked to and met a couple other people off of the site, but it never turned into anything.
"It seems that online dating is for those who are afraid."Who isn't afraid? Everyone is afraid of something. Just because you belong to a dating site doesn't mean you're a coward. It takes a LOT of guts to tell your friends/family members that your new relationship began online. There is a huge stigma around it because of people like YOU that perpetuate negative thinking about it.
Your argument about point A is, of course, true for some people on online dating sites. However, if you spend ample time getting to know whomever you're talking to, it gets pretty easy to weed out the liars. Not to mention some people are actually up front about what they want.
Another thing, your argument about point B is, well, pointless. Just because someone is meeting people online doesn't mean they're not going out and experiencing life. My boyfriend and I each have our own interests that we pursue that don't include sitting at home in front of a computer screen. What does that have to do with meeting someone online??
Of COURSE there are people who do some of the things you've pointed out. But there are also creeps at bars that try to pick girls up for one night stands, but that doesn't mean it's bad to meet a guy at a bar, you just have to be careful and aware of what you're doing. I could go on for a long time, but I don't see the point. Stop criticizing what you are clueless about.
It's interesting how the dynamics for dating has changed. Online dating is just like anything else. It's not where you meet the person, but the connection that is important. Whatever works. If people met their significant other online and they're happy, more power to them.
Online dating is a tool, just like any piece of technology. It really boils down to how and why you use online dating but the medium itself is neither good nor bad.
Met my fiance on a dating website.
Just because we happened to meet online doesn't mean we never went out and experienced life. I would argue that it HELPED me get out and do more, because I had to go on dates with people I met online. It's just a medium through which you meet people. It's not any different than bars or clubs or any other place you might go to meet people. Once you talk to a few people, you have to go actually see them in person.
Or did you think relationships that come from online dating are all about dry humping our webcams and cybering, and never the two people shall meet face-to-face?
So online dating isn't for you. If you haven't tried it, don't knock it. And if you have, that's your experience, not everyone's.
I say go both ways.
Why limit yourself to real life when there is an online world of possibilities?
Why let your potbelly and thunder thighs trap you behind the screen?
Crash the world's party!
I have tried online dating twice, from two sites - christianmingle or singles, i cant remmeber and Eharmony. I did both of these on trials, so it wasnt long. but the whole reaosn i did it is because dating in real life sucks. You think you are attracted to a good, fun-loving females, who then decides they do not want to date, do not want to date you, or are not sure and lead you around forever. It becomes a game, one I tire of playing. on dating sites, you know that other person want to find someone, or they wouldnt be on.. and you know they are responding because thier interest was peaked, otherwise they would have no reaosn to respond. I still fiddle with the idea of online dating, but I dont know. I would rather be friends and then it blossom into a relationship.
frankly, i think online dating is creepy. but then again, i'd never consider going out with a perfect stranger. all of my boyfriends started off as good friends first. i prefer it that way.
@Doubledb@xanga - Try OkCupid. It's free, so there's probably more junk to rummage through compared to EHarmony, but it's much, much, much better than any other free dating site I found. And it's where I met my boyfriend of almost 2 years. :)
@basedonatruestory5@xanga - I have heard of that. I might try it, thanks! (Oh, the irony of saying that on a blog about not going on dating sites, lol)
I have had several boyfriends and met even more guys off the internet. A lot of this is true sometimes, but not all times. I don't see a problem though with putting a profile online, so long as you are not doing it INSTEAD of pursuing a realistic way to find people in person (joining activities, clubs, sports, etc.). For me, a huge problem is attraction. Pictures and even video interactions are not the same as in person. In the future, if I find anyone on a website I might want to pursue, I would prefer to meet them in person sooner than later, and get to know them more that way, because an idealized version of someone could really ruin or deceive you to what they're really like. I think that was a mistake I had a lot in the past.
@basedonatruestory5@xanga - Agreed. Okcupid is the best one I know of. Plus it has lots of extra fun things to do: quizzes, "match/personality questions", some blogging, etc.
@DrummingMediocrity@xanga - I LOVE some of the blogs that they post when they do studies on user data. Some of the results they get are really interesting.
The problem that *I* have - and I've already posted about it on my blog - is that my schedule is so incredibly awkward that I'm unable to go anywhere at times when OTHER PEOPLE would be there. Meaning I literally CAN NOT MEET anyone!
Where else would I possibly be ABLE to go, but online?
@Digital_Angel21@xanga - I'm right there with you, except that for me dating people in my professional setting is EXTRA impossible: I'm a school bus driver, meaning that the people I work with and for are all either old enough to be my mother, or so young it's illegal. What free time I get all comes at the times when other people my age are working.
THANK YOU. Well said.
Who cares?
My husband and I were both extremely shy people. We met online, we dated, we're now married. We are completely comfortable with eachother and can be ourselves, act silly, everything. Why would you care how we met or fell in love, or how anyone else meets? It doesn't make our love any less real or less life changing. Just a thought.
Online dating is not for those who are afraid or taking the lazy way out for quick and easy fixes. Meeting people online is just like meeting anyone else except you're on your computer. It's in the norm now and who really cares how others choose to meet people? It's really their business and if it works for them, it works for them. I have met many friends via online and have also found love interests on the internet as well. It doesn't mean I'm lazy, don't want to put in the effort of meeting new people, or I'm afraid. Silliest thing I've ever heard. It's a great way to meet people and interact with them even if you haven't met them in person yet.
I love how almost every single comment is about how the commenter met their significant other online. Let me add to that. I met my current boyfriend on a rather obscure dating website (Tastebuds.com). I will never regret online dating---it's a fantastic way to meet people. And also, who cares whether other people enjoy online dating and you don't? This is a ridiculous post, but thanks for the entertainment. I laughed quite a bit at your ignorance.