Thursday, 19 January 2012
-
Why Do People Use Others?
Earlier this evening one of my good friends had confided something in me that made my jaw hit the floor. Let's call her Brittney. Before I get too ahead of myself let me start from the beginning.
Brittney and I had been friends for a while before she met the guy of her dreams, we'll call him Ted. They started off their relationship as friends with benefits, but I know my friend well and she eventually fell for him. She often says that she won't fall for the guys she sleeps with but she always does and ends up getting her heart broken. She kept her feelings a secret from him, fearing that it would ruin the situation they had agreed on. Brittney eventually got the courage to ask him to be her boyfriend and much to her excitement, he said yes!
Now, fast forward months later to earlier this evening. I received a text message from her, saying that she was upset. She told me that Ted had told her "We were never dating" and that "When you referred to me as your boyfriend, I thought you meant as a guy who's just a friend."
Now, I trust my friend's word when she says that shes called him, clearly, her boyfriend in front of him, his friends, their families and (like I said earlier, he said yes to a relationship). Needless to say shes completely heartbroken and left for dead.
What I can't seem to wrap my brain around is how people can do this to each other. This really is a cowardly attempt to break up with her. Why are some people afraid to break up normally these days? You know, call up on the phone or in person and just say "Hey, it was a great ride but I'm not feeling it anymore."
Maybe people are just too afraid to talk to each other anymore and they need the easy way out. More importantly, though, why do people use others for their own selfish gain?
Related Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: UnconventionalButterfly@xanga
- About Me: Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring. — Marilyn Monroe
-
True
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 21 Views: 0 116731 Comments: 0 1802 View all posts by UnconventionalButterfly@xanga
Comments (36)
Because we're humans? Why do CEOs employ minions to pull their weight?
I have no idea why people do that sort of stuff =( I think they do it because it feels like they have power of another person and after they are done with them, they get rid of that person like they are nothing. It's sad but true.
Because human beings are inherently selfish. Some just hide it better than others or really work on being selfless.
okay seriously, wtf...
You're both just mad that he doesn't want to be with her. No matter how he breaks up with her, he's going to get shit for it. If he bluntly breaks up with her, he doesn't have a heart or a conscience. If he pussy-foots around it, he's being a coward. I'll say this over and over and over again. THERE IS NO RIGHT WAY TO BREAK UP WITH SOMEONE.
When my girlfriend (of 1 month) broke up with me my Junior year of high school, she didn't tell me why she was doing it. In fact, she lied... Trying to tell me that she had to focus on her schoolwork for fear that her parents would punish her if she didn't. Incredibly lame excuse. I didn't hold this against her. I GOT OVER IT. And if there was anything that I needed to know about why she broke up with me, I analyzed it myself and came to my own conclusions. It wasn't difficult to figure out that I was insecure and had issues to deal with on my own. Any decent amount of self-reflection could help you along your path to fixing your flaws and finding out why you weren't desirable to one person. You don't actually need someone to flip a mirror in front of you. You can do that yourself. For the most part, it never actually needs to be said why someone is breaking up with a person. The truth is always right in front of each persons face. All of this pissing and moaning about the way the break-up is performed is really just the insecurity of the people losing their SO.
lack of alternatives.
because people suck.
ehh...I think it would be rare for a guy to have a FWB with a girl for a long time and suddenly change his mind that he wants that girl as his girlfriend. When a guy truly wants to be with a girl he'll wifey her up. no games, no bulshit. The guy probably really did say yes to her being his girlfriend and flaked out last minute cause he wasn't sure that's what he really wanted. Guys a chump, but I think your friend knew deep down he wasn't into her like that.
Using people is a sign of bad character. Friends with benefits is no friendship at all. It's more like a blood sucking orgy that leaves everyone dead inside.
Unfortunately, it's a natural instinct. When it comes down to it, you look out for yourself before others. You just have to be careful sometimes...
It does not, in any way, shape or form, excuse what your friend's ex did.
This happens because the person who got taken advantage of allowed it to happen! I know people get involved in relationships referred to as "friends with benefits," even though I do not agree with it. It never really is just sex and nothing else. Emotions are fragile and easily altered. People tend to take advantage because they don't want to take responsibility and the opportunity came along. I am not saying the user is right, because the user is very much wrong for taking advantage of the situation, but both are to blame. I don't feel that typically anything good could come from a "friends with benefits" arrangement, because the arrangement is temporary.
Some people are just twat-waffles.
First off it's just human nature to be selfish
But, not to be harsh or anything because i've been where she is, but it's her own fault
"They started off their relationship as friends with benefits, but I know my friend well and she eventually fell for him. She often says that she won't fall for the guys she sleeps with but she always does and ends up getting her heart broken."
as you said, it's a pattern with her, plus why would anyone think it's a good idea to get into a relationship with someone who started off as a FWB situation? that just doesn't make sense to me personally
but maybe she should try looking for someone whose also looking for a relationship instead of just "fall(ing) for the guys she sleeps with"
and as for why can't people break up normal these days? a break up is always going to be awkward no matter if it is mutual or unexpected or whatever there's no right way to break up
People who are selfish and have low empathy for other people tend to care less for other people. Since they want more and have less inhibitions about how they treat others, they will tend to do things that are more hurtful.
The guy needs to feel strongly enough to take the initiative. Just saying. Guys are the ones who have generally more muted emotions in FWB relationships and it needs to be his heart that changes.
Her mistake. Don't let her do that to herself again.
Brittney is a slut's name anyway.
Seriously, why would she think a normal person would buy the hen when he's getting the eggs for free?
I'm pretty sure he knew what she meant by "boyfriend" but he's just playing dumb now. Seriously, just grow some balls and man up. Smh.
everybody isn't a decent person...thats why
that's f****ed up. :|
i highly doubt a normal person would be that cowardly.
guy must be stuck on some jersey shore shit.
she should sleep with his dad.
kidding.
'cos people can be stupid, you know. Not everyone has the guts to actually break up with someone.
Why those guys act the way they do doesn't matter, you can't change them. What's important is that your friend learn from this. Not all guys do this; she is picking guys with something in common. From what you said, it sounds like she quickly sleeps with guys she likes- she needs to stop doing that and let the guy pursue her. I'm not saying that a guy will automatically be "the one" because he pursued her, but waiting to see which ones like her enough to call, set up dates, and ask her to be his girlfriend BEFORE having sex gives her a much better chance of finding one who at least genuinely likes her.
Have her read "He's Just Not That Into You".
because people are selfish.
The same thing happened to me recently. And I began to think about why there are those certain people in this world who would rather USE people then actually be with them. And then I realized, its because they carry the asshole gene since infancy and never matured from it. So drop the bad genes and find a real man. Easier said then done but its better knowing the truth that someone is a user then living in a fantasy and still being head over heels for them.
Because it's fun.