I have no idea who came up with this saying, but I will say that this saying is in fact the biggest load of horseshit I think I've ever heard in my life.
I seriously think whoever came up with this saying has never truly experienced the sheer agony of heartbreak. The two times I've experienced it, let me just say it was the worst feeling in the world and as much as I try to forget the feeling, I still remember that kind of pain very vividly. That memory serves as my reminder as to why I've taken a vow to life-long singlehood. I just don't think I could handle going through it a third time.
If I had to do it all over again, I would have resisted falling in love for the first time. I'd have much rather never loved. They say ignorance is bliss and that's the hard truth right there. If I had never fallen in love, I wouldn't know what I'd be missing and wouldn't know any different, and I also would have never had to endure the pain of heartbreak. I would without a doubt be a happier person today if it had not been for falling for Tracy while in grad school (and then for Jenna earlier this year). Hindsight is 20/20, I suppose.
So yeah. I don't know what the hell the person who came up with this saying was on, because it is without a doubt dead wrong. I regret my relationships probably more than anything else I've done in my life.
Seriously, what was I thinking?
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Comments (85)
Love sucks and loosing love is even worse.
The saying is indeed bullshit, logically it makes no sense. How can it be better to have had something great and then lose it? rather than not having it all and just being happy? But oh well life goes on. Although, I'm of the view that heartbreak is not the worst feeling in the world. I experienced much worse before I even got into the whole relationship part of life so maybe that makes me a little different.. I plan on being single for a while but not forever.....but maybe I am not as scarred as you are.
Heartbreak sucks hairy balls but without it, you miss out on an experience of life. Every failure is a chance to learn.
Furthermore...
What is the joy of living without knowledge of the bleakness of death? Everything ends someday. You cannot fully grasp the whole experience of your own humanity without pain. If you wish to be numb, so be it, but that's no way to live.
Haha agreed. Love is amazing until it's gone. Ain't that the truth. Now to just keep it... lol.
And further furthermore, the tiny Freud in me thinks you're still going on about foreskin. The saying could apply to that situation.
Love bites
The person who said it probably went through a great deal of heartbreak but learned from it instead of wallowing in it.
I wouldn't change the way I've loved or the ones I've loved for me it was worth the thud. Although having said that, I'm not lining up for another free fall either.
It's called learning from experiences. Same thing with learning that fire is hot by burning your finger so you don't jump into a pit of flames next time; you still need fire to cook and stay warm, so in turn, you use it moderately and in caution.
I think that the experience itself will logically become regrettable, unless you are one of the lucky ones who retains a deep friendship in its aftermath.
However, if you try to take what you can out of it, to learn more about yourself and more about what you don't want in the future, see it as a "trial and error" type of thing (which I understand is pragmatic and somewhat vapid, emotionally-speaking), it might help to appease resentment and gain perspective on learning more about what you want in the future.
I know that you want to remain single for the rest of your life, and if you maintain happiness that way then I am happy for you. But if you do meet someone whom you feel yourself mutually drawn to and from, I hope you will also take a chance and see what happens, if it feels right (as opposed to resisting, unnaturally).
Love changes you without a doubt and it can cut just as deeply as it once nourished your happiness. Salvage what was good about the relationship, learn from the mistakes and get back up knowing this heartache will make you a better man for your next love. Even if I end up alone, I will have a wealth of fond memories to keep me company in my solitude. Why punish yourself by replaying bad memories? Let it go, start anew. Regret, on the other hand, would haunt me more than any heartbreak could ever manage.
Of course, I am kind of a rock climbing hippie so that might make me slightly bias towards the whole love thing. =P
I had a boyfriend that I thought I loved. He just up and left one day. Never called again. Never said a damn word. I cried for days and weeks. But you know what, I learned from it. I'm glad I experienced what I did, otherwise I wouldn't have learned some lessons I did. Yeah, It sucks. It hurts. But, It helped me grow as a person, so I don't regret it any. It is what it is. :)
I feel the exact same way. I was so much happier before I ever experienced heartbreak.
Alfred, Lord Tennyson wrote it in his book-long poem grieving the death of his best friend, "In Memoriam." The original quote is as follows: "I hold it true, what'er befall; / I feel it, when I sorrow most; / "Tis better to have loved and lost / Than never to have loved at all." If you read the entire poem, or even just parts of it, you would not doubt the pain and heartbreak Tennyson felt for his friend. I'm sorry you've been hurt and you feel this way, but the quote is not a "load of bullshit."
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Instead of being afraid, embrace it all and learn from the past. Maybe you went for the wrong ones, maybe there was something you didnt do correctly. Instead of hiding from love, you should try to understand it!
@MeetMeInTheStars@xanga - Thanks for the history lesson. I'm a non-reader (haven't read a single literary work since my senior year of high school and have no intentions of doing so ever again) so I didn't know the origins. I still strongly disagree with the statement though.
@Megabyyte@xanga - The same exact thing happened to me, and I was miserable for so long... but I really am grateful for the experience, and I've learned and grown a lot as a result of it.
As others have said, it depends on your reaction to events like these. If you dwell on the heartbreak and loss, then you'll be bitter. Try to be grateful for the experience and find the positives from it that can help you in the future! It was definitely worth it for me.
Love Sucks....You End Up Sad For Days...Maybe Even Years
Love is a game for cunts, but there's a semblance of truth to the saying regardless. "Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger", however, is much more apt.
@wien7@xanga - or angrier :\
Great post, SP. We have a regular on Xanga known as Ailia who is an expert on this subject.
if i end up 90 and alone, it might be nice to rest with the memories of a great love. at the rate i'm going, i would look back with an empty curiosity.
It is the pits to experience that intense heartbreak. Looking back at the rejection and pain I felt, I now realize that these men really weren't right for me. It's probably better that it ended. But the pain was awful.
I learned a lot from each of these men! I learned much about myself and much about others. I more strongly found out what I did and didn't want in a relationship..
Which brings me to my last point. I finally found the love of my life.. I knew it was him because of all of the failed experiences I'd had earlier.. It was easier for me to spot him...Not perfect, but amazing nonetheless. And, the rewards of 33 years of marriage...can't count them, they are so numerous.
Don't give up on love because it may not work out now. There are a lot of valuable life lessons in this pain. In time, you will see that this is a blessing in disguise. The right person for you simply hasn't come along and that happy day is coming in your future. Until then, enjoy the love while you have it and learn from those ppl who do not bring gifts into your relationship. All of this sorrow will make you stronger..and wiser. I promise!!!
So, yeah, I do believe that it is much better to have loved and lost, than never have loved at all..
Christy
It seems like you really haven't experienced what love is really about. When you truly love someone, their happiness comes before you, in another words you're willing to sacrifice for them, no matter the pain, the hurt, your willing to because you love them. What love is all about is giving and not expecting anything in return. Love is when you see that person, nothing else matters anymore, even if all you can possibly do is watch them from a distance.
"It's better to have loved and lost than to never loved at all." --this quote means that even if you do end up walking separate paths, you loved, loving someone is also a happiness even if there were no love in return. "Never regret something that once made you smile." --you shouldn't and you should take everything as an experience, because you can only benefit from it later on. Maybe right now, your upset and mad, but when time goes by you'll realize and forgive and move on. That's what life is all about, take chances, risk yourself, and learn from your experiences. In relationships, there will always be fights and arguments, but what matters is working it out and moving forward together. Sometimes, things just don't work out, maybe because they aren't meant to be, and possibly we are meant for something better.