Saturday, 14 January 2012
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Narcissism
I've been with a narcissistic man for over a year now.
I didn't realize he was extremely narcissistic till i read an article that describes him perfectly.
- Turns every conversation to him or herself.
- Expects you to meet his or her emotional needs
- Ignores the impact of his negative comments on you
- Constantly criticizes or berates you and knows what is best for you
- Focus on blaming rather than taking responsibility for his own behavior
- Expect you to jump at his every need
- Is overly involved with his own hobbies, interests or addictions ignoring your needs
- Has high need for attention:
- Brags, sulks, complains, inappropriately teases, is flamboyant, loud and boisterous
- Is closed minded about own mistakes. Can’t handle criticism and gets angry to shut it off
- Becomes angry when his needs are not met and tantrums or intimidates
- Has an attitude of “Anything you can do, I can do better”
- Engages in one-upmanship to seem important
- Acts in a seductive manner or is overly charming
- Is vain and fishes for compliments. Expects you to admire him
- Isn’t satisfied unless he has the “biggest” or “best”
- Seeks status. Spends money to impress others
- Forgets what you have done for them yet keeps reminding you that you owe them today
- Neglects the family to impress others. Does it all: Is a super person to gain admiration
- Threatens to abandon you if you don’t go along with what he wants
- Does not obey the law—sees himself above the law
- Does not expect to be penalized for failure to follow directions or conform to guidelines
- Ignores your feelings and calls you overly sensitive or touchy if you express feelings
- Tells you how you should feel or not feel
- Cannot listen to you and cannot allow your opinions
- Is more interested in his own concerns and interests than yours
- Is unable to see things from any point of view other than his own
- Wants to control what you do and say—tries to micromanage you
- Attempts to make you feel stupid, helpless and inept when you do things on your own
- Has poor insight and can not see the impact his selfish behavior has on you
- Has shallow emotions and interests
- Exploits others with lies and manipulations.
- Uses emotional blackmail to get what he wants
It's hard to read because your first instinct is to defend those you love but there's no longer any excuses to be made.
Has anyone else had an unhealthy relationship? How do you feel you would handle it? Have you ever met someone with such extreme personality characteristics?
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- From: HHarlz@xanga
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Comments (39)
I kind of feel that you have to be either pretty dense or pretty blinded to not recognize someone with those attributes.
Why would you stay with someone like that for over a year?!
I've had my share of males who have fit some or even most of the descriptions, but no one who is a complete narcissist, to my recollect. I'm sorry dear. I hope your life is improving now that you're able to gain perspective and move on.
some of these applies to my bitchy coworkers and some applies to guys that I used to know. you hit the reverse jackpot and got one that met the entire list:D
Personality disorders are composed of behaviors that all humans possess the capacity to display at some degree or another. You just have to choose how high of a degree of these behaviors is acceptable to you.
Sounds just like my most recent ex... hmm, a lot seems to be clicking now.
Never ever dated a guy like that, would never be attracted to one like that, I need a man, not a pretty little girl that can't seem to grow up.
i haven't been in a relationship with a narcissist bc i nip that in the but before it even gets that far.
I've not been with someone with narcissistic personality disorder but I have been with a girl who was diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder and OCD with some anxiety issues as well. It was pretty much hell but it was exaggerated as well because we both have similar diagnosis'. We were together for 3 years and we both handled it horribly. I was suicidal off and on and she was very pushy and controlling, definitely had the upper hand. It was a terrible mess to put it lightly. It ended very badly and we haven't spoken since our breakup, mostly because I don't want to regress to the point to where we were when we were together. I've turned my life around since then, and from what I've heard (we share some mutual friends), she hasn't. I don't need that in my life to bring me down. Once you realize how that persons baggage brings you down and you move on without them, you see how much better off you really are. GOOD for you, bravo. :)
I was with someone like that for 3.5 years. I handled it by dumping his sorry ass. Whether or not you do that is up to you, but narcissism is a personality disorder, and everything I have read on it indicates that narcissists cannot be changed. So, if you decide to stay with him, and he truly is a narcissist, I wouldn't get your hopes up that he'll change. My ex tried once he finally realized I might actually leave him, but he couldn't keep up the facade longer than a month or two.
@lewk@xanga - ah man that sucks. =D
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I feel as if I have some of those characteristics but I also feel that I see some of each of them in most people. Can't say as I have been around/with someone who optimized all of them though.
My boyfriend has just been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. For people who say you must be pretty dumb or blind not to recognise it (@DrakonFyre@xanga - ) - if you know/read anything about it you'd know that if you're in a relationship with someone with NPD it usually begins as vastly romantic and they seem like the perfect partner. The change can be sudden and shocking or slow and insidious, and a tough call whether to stay or leave, because you feel you know the 'real' person inside, and that they just need to get over their disorder, yet it's such hell to live with.
So far since his behaviour changes and recent diagnosis, I am rendered totally confused and torn in my relationship.
I hope you're taking care of yourself while you're in this relationship, keep your own self-esteem up as well as stroking his. x
@teenspaceship@xanga - totally agree with what you said and damn you sound all proper and shit! you know your shit girl
but anyways girl if you feel that way dump his ass he obviously don't appreciate you the way people should in relationships. It's a two way street, your a pretty cherry you got this
How did you date him or even like him with a personality like that?
I once dated a guy like this, and on top of it, he was bipolar.
He'd be very sweet and nice, but he'd always talk about himself. He was never interested in my life and never wanted to meet my family. He always bragged about his family and how rich he was. I dumped him after two weeks.
I was seeing someone like that for a few months. Then one day he called me drunk off his ass asking for a ride. Liking him a lot...I went to get him. And all he did was berate me the whole way home. And every time I saw him after that he just got worse and worse (while sober).
Idiots.
I know a girl like this. I just spent the weekend with her and now I'm emotionally exhausted. Ugh...
Thing is, sometimes she's really nice and can be cool. Sometimes. So I basically have to just try to guess how she'll be on any given day. Lol.@lewk@xanga - Haha, your comments on here are too funny!
@sleeping_on_the_edgeoftheworld@xanga - I'm glad someone appreciates my hard work.
I would like to see a list of personality traits for ALL THE DISORDERS...I'd keep in files....
POWER FIEND...MEGALOMANIAC...Bi-POLAR...MASOCHISTIC...HEDONISTIC....SADISTIC...and what else you got? good listing...odd how you have Paris up there...and talk about a guy...who are more narcissistic, guys or girls?but individualism breeds narcissism...as sort of a self-preservation technique. Remember the Golden Rule: "Love thy neighbor AS THYSELF." and if you don't love yourself,you can't follow the Golden Rule....BTW..Narcissus in the myth was in love with his twin SISTER who was dead (as I recall) and he seemed to see her face in his own reflection in the reflection pool of water. So, narcissism is basically effeminate and associated more fatally with men. at least that's my take on the myth.Narcissus's twin sister was named ECHO, and when he called for her, he even heard the ECHO of his own voice...he had it bad.If you read this and immediately try to blame everyone else of being narcissistic, read over it again with an open mind and see if any of these apply to you. You'll come to find out that one or two probably do. If you initially read through this with yourself in mind then, you're probably self-aware enough to know that we all are guilty of a few which is why it was so easy to see them in other people.
Even if you don't, I still think it's an interesting article.