Monday, 09 January 2012
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Boy Meets Girl, Boy's Girlfriend Throws Fit
If you read my posts often, you likely know that I'm someone who endures long-lasting relationships. In fact, I've never really had much of a fling before, so whenever my friends talk to me about the kinds of casual relations they have I don't really know how I'm supposed to react.One of my friends, Christine, is perhaps the most casual of them all and this can, from time to time, elicit some pretty interesting stories. During this past semester, she met a guy somewhere and they hit it off pretty well. Things were going pretty well seeing as he was just what she wanted: something physical with someone she could talk to and chill around with without getting attached. She'd been in his apartment and thought it was well-decorated and thus she assumed that he was fairly mature, or at least, more mature than she is.
On some random weekday afternoon, they planned to hang out after they both got out of work, so she texted him to follow up. Then, he called her, but she didn't pick up during her work hours. He called again and again and so, a little panicked, she called back as soon as she got off. A woman picked up the phone, but not just any woman-- his live-in girlfriend. Said girlfriend goes absolutely berserk on Christine yelling at her and asking her all sorts of questions like:
"How long has this been going on," "did you sleep with him," "did you know he has a girlfriend," "did you know I live with him," "is this the first time he's done this?"
It was all she could do to keep from laughing because she couldn't believe the situation. Christine hasn't heard from the guy since which leaves us wondering about the whole situation. This guy was dumb enough to leave his phone out where his girlfriend could find it (while he was cheating). His girlfriend betrayed his trust by snooping behind his back. Christine didn't ask about his relationship status.
I think the guy is most wrong in this situation, but I'm not sure anybody did anything right. He and his girlfriend were together for 8 years. I don't know if she broke up with him after this.
Have you ever been caught up in a situation like this? What would you do if you were this guy's girlfriend? If you were Christine?
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About the Author
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- From: TheDailyDane
- About Me: I'm Dane and I'm 20. Follow me on Twitter @danefeldman. I am a huge supporter of long-term relationships. What's the fun in knowing something will end in a week? Stick around for some long-term bloggin'.
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Comments (33)
If I was gf: Do nothing for the time being. Pretend like I don't know. Put money aside, find my own place and get things settled. While living with him I'd use his toothbrush to clean the toilet. Maybe cute a few holes in his expensive clothing. Oh you know the usually passive aggressive crazy stuff. Milk him for everything I can get and probably sell it once I'm out of the relationship. Once everything is settled for me, I then confront him and leave his ass.
It'd be hardbut it'd be efficient to have things stable for myself before causing a scene and leaving. If the bf finds out I know then it'd be a diff. ball game but all in all I'd leave him.
If I was Christine: what she did was right. No contact after finding out, let the couple resolve it. At least she has another red flag to pick up on (the well decorated house) the next time she's in a situation like that. As much as I don't condone the type of relations she has because I would love to have casual relationships with guys without getting emotionally attached, she has to be careful of the consequences this type of relationship entails (i.e. cheaters, stds etc.)i'm confused. what exactly did the boy do that was wrong?
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - Cheated on his girlfriend? >_>
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - ...He was sleeping with another girl while having a girlfriend, and didn't care to tell the girl he was sleeping with or his girlfriend. If you are still not sure what he did wrong, then I assume you do not believe in monogamy or honor or all that "old-fashioned" stuff, and we can leave our discussion here.
@misslei11@xanga - @Jenny_Wren@xanga - i don't believe in monogamy BUT that wasn't the purpose of my comment--i guess i didn't see it stated that the two of them were doing anything, but i suppose the op was implying it.
Haha this story is messed up.
My 19 year old inner child agrees with the first poster. If I were the girlfriend, I would be totally passive aggressive about it while getting my stuff together so I can move out on my own. The old lady in me says that since I am more established and it wouldn't take long to get enough to get my own place, I'd pull the two can play at this game card only I wouldn't be so secret about it OR I'd take the mature road and tell him I saw the texts/messages and I spoke with the other woman and I was leaving because clearly he does not value the relationship the same way I did.
If I was Christine, I'd do exactly what she did, although when I was young I doubt I would have been polite to the girlfriend just because I was a bitch. I would have told her to ask her boyfriend those questions because I didn't even know she existed and ended it with that. I'd be more polite now, but I wouldn't allow her to yell at me...unless of course I knew about her and pursued her boyfriend anyway.
@scribbles - Ohemgee that is genius!!! I'm the type of girl to cause a scene but after reading this little diabolical plot, I'm in love. Of course I never hope to get cheated on, especially if I'm living with the butthole, but after reading this...it wouldn't be so bad. bahahaha
This is actually a pretty common situation. Although I have never personally been in this placement. But if I were the girlfriend the most obvious choice would be to send that guy to hell. If I were Christine since she was never that serious about the guy to begin with (from what you wrote) I would probably be laughing to and wondering what an A-hole that guy was. Sometimes we forget to ask the most important question of all, are you single? lol I feel bad for the GF in this situation though that really sucks for her.
I have been in this situation. I was the girlfriend in this case. No I didn't live with him, but one day I went over to his house and he was all past out and hungover from the previous night. I was curious about what went on so I checked his phone. For days he had been texting this girl that lives in a different city telling her how he loved her and wished they could be together and that they would be if it wasn't for the distance. I completely went off on him. In the end I forgave him but it has hurt our relationship a lot and will take a very long time for him to gain all my trust back. I understand completely why the girlfriend would pick up the guys phone and go off on the other girl, but when you're in these situations you can't only blame it on the other girl, you're boyfriends at fault too. Whether you want to believe it or not.
I don't blame the girl for snooping. I think people (not just women) know when something's up and they snoop. If they catch you, too bad for you.
Yes
If I were the girlfriend, I would not talk to that woman at all. I would be shocked. I would probably ask questions too if I was on the phone with her. If not, I'd talk to him. I think I would listen to what he has to say and then I'd see how it felt. Could I forgive or not? I hope I could find it in me to forgive him. I think it gets really hard to repair a relationship after someone has cheated/ betrayed your trust.
If I were the other girl, I would just walk away from him, specially if I wasn't attached to him yet.
I don't blame his girlfriend for snooping at all! When you are seriously suspicious that sneaky shit is going down it's your right to investigate. Who wants to bury their head in the sand and be played? She would have never known she was with an asshole if she didn't keep on the lookout. He could cheat on her for years and she'd never know if he never brought christine around to the same location his girlfriend is at.
I had a friend whom I met in high school in the Philippines back in 2000 (5 years before I went to the states). She's been one of my good friends ever since. One day I told my ex (then my gf) that I was meeting this friend, whom I've told her about, and that we would be having dinner.
At the time, I was in CA and my ex was in VA. So when the facebook pictures came out, she was furious. Possibly because she saw that my friend looked pretty or something. I don't know. But she did not take into account that pictures of this friend of mine and her boyfriend were in there. Pictures of her and her bf kissing and stuff. No, she only saw the part where her and I was in a picture together.
I guess some people freak out for no reason or, my own position, that they are pissed and want something to be wrong about it so they can fight and make themselves feel better. Both genders do this and I have seen and/or experienced it. It's never a sight to stick around for... unless you are personally in it.
As for snooping around, I do it when there is reasonable evidence to merit it being done. If one just does it for fun, then that's just plain invasion of privacy. But I agree with one of the comments made that you can't just bury your head under the sand if there is reasonable suspicion of foul play.
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um. The girlfriend is completely in the right. Its not like she called your friend and started abusing her. She sounds like any girl who has just found out they'e been betrayed and wants answers, obviously she won't get the truth out of the boyfriend.
Snooping in this situation doesn't seem all that serious to me, she must've known something was up and maybe had a guilty, quick look through his phone, and look what she found.
Your friend is a bitch for laughing.
@scribbles - haha love it!
If I were the girlfriend, I would dump him immediately. If I were Christine, I would dump him immediately... like into the trash can.
Who needs a liar?
My boyfriend and I answer eachothers phones all the time. It's just a matter of who is closest. I dont' think the girlfriend did anything wrong. I don't think this instance was your friends fault but she should be smart enough to see the tell tale signs of another woman in a guys apartment.
@scribbles - smart! i totally agree. women have their intuitions, we know...
You're friend is kind of a bitch for laughing at the poor girl who got cheated on. If I was in your friends position, I would have felt awful, I wouldn't think being the other woman and hurting someone else was funny. The guy is an asshole. Clearly. Also, I don't think the girlfriend did the wrong thing. In all likelihood she thought something was wrong, and I doubt the guy was honest. He betrayed her trust, so all rules are out the window at that point.
Put yourself in the gf's shoes. Now imagine Christine laughing at you. Is it funny to you?
@scribbles - I like you.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - I think I get why you're confused because technically they didn't do anything, or so the story says. Maybe the original poster of this forgot to mention it? I dunno, that's why I'm a little confused too.
I think it just says something about the guy and his girlfriend's relationship. They need to talk and see whats going on because for a couple that's been together for 8 years, I wouldn't exactly pack my things and move out just yet. Who knows, maybe when it got down to it, he wouldn't even meet up with the girl.
But if he did cheat with her before, then well, yea. Get outta there. Or if he has been doing this kind of thing for a while, definitely pack your things and bounce.
I don't think it was the girl Christine's fault at all though because whether or not she asked or he asked if either of them was in a relationship, it's something you should mention if you feel like the other person is having thoughts about getting together with you. The guy's definitely to blame for this one.
I've been caught in this situation before -- was married to a chronic cheater. I don't get mad at the other woman, only at the cheating bastard. When I found out about the affairs, I simply just ask the girl a few questions. For the most part, the other woman was clueless about me and would admit the truth to me right away.
8 years huh? Shit, no one can be trusted.