Guys are not known to be emotional creatures. For some reason, women end up being the crazy ones because we have "too many emotions." It would be so much easier to have a common ground. Men are great to be with and be around, but I still wish that there just a tad bit more emotion or feeling coming from them at certain times.
It seems that men have switches that they can easily turn on and off. I don't know how and wish I was able to do that at certain times as well. It's sort of a cop out. For some reason, as soon as things get hard, they shut down emotionally. It can also be a problem when your significant other doesn't talk to you about certain things and you feel as though you're not communicating like you should. My boyfriend and I have a great relationship but I don't like being the one to always ask questions. It's not only that but I end up finding out things I hadn't known before and it makes me wonder. It's not a good feeling. He tells me that it's not easy to talk because he's never had anyone be there for him before but somehow I don't feel alone in this boat. He's not the first guy to find it hard to talk. I don't understand why guys have this macho persona - it's ok to have feelings and emotions too, sometimes.
So datingish readers, I have a few questions for you ..
Do you find it hard to emotionally connect with your significant other? How do you get past it ??
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Comments (34)
I didn't :(
He never wanted to, it's what killed our marriage
Usually my guy's emotions comes out full force when he's angry or drunk. When he's drunk he gets extra lovely dovey, it's nice. So I say get him drunk.
lol on the real though lots of guys have trouble expressing emotions like we girls do. as long as he's honest when you ask him questions I wouldn't dwell on it too much.
I'm more the guy in the relationship. I used to have huge problems with connecting and I was stubborn as hell. I despised myself when I cried too. It's starting to get better though. Ill never be an overly emotional person because that is not who I am but I'm working on better connecting to myself and other people because it was a big reason as to why my last relationship ended.
I can understand where guys have a hard time with that balance. You don't want to appear too emotional because it makes you look like a weak target in so many ways. You want to protect your girl and it feels like you're doing a disservice to her if you're just sitting around crying and wasting your time talking about feelings. None of that is true of course but when you're raised by a very intimidating father who puts strength at the top and emotions at that bottom it's so hard to break those habits. But there is a healthy balance. I personally think it's unhealthy to focus on your emotions too much but you cannot shove them aside. There is a time and a place to address them and you don't have to hold it in all the time if you've found the right girl who will take care of you just as much as you'd take care of her.
No way!
My boyfriend is very open about his emotions. He'll always explain how it makes him feel about a situation we have, or a fight, and usually he is very loveable and pours out his heart to me. It's really relieving to have found someone that is honest and clear with me, because my last relationships weren't very comforting. He is very protective and goes out of his way for me, but in a sense I know he's liked by everyone, and he doesn't care about seeming like a coward or something to his friends. It's nice to have someone who listens intently, but also give that attention back to. :]
I couldnt connect with my ex because I just could trust him, so I never opened up
i feel like a guy who's open about his emotions is the guy that becomes the gay best friend.
@reesa14@xanga - hahahaha i really enjoyed this, i also get embarrassingly affectionate when i'm drunk.
Wow. Start off by making a gross over-generalization.
I am a straight male, and very open about my emotions while in a relationship. I've had trouble in relationships with partners that were much more emotionally reserved.
There's actually a reasonable discussion here about how people with varying levels of emotional openness should interact with each other, but the archaic gender bias keeps me from wanting to participate in it.
My boyfriend is very open with his emotions, I think that's one of the reason why our relationship has lasted so long. Our communication is impeccable, so nothing falls through the cracks <3
By the varied answers I think that it just depends on the man. Consider this, brother and sister are raised together. Both are still relatively young, but one day the sister hurts herself. Mom and dad comfort her, are very reassuring, and let her know that it's ok to cry. Similar thing happens to the brother, but instead he's told that he needs to be a big boy. This is what we're up against....
It's funny because alot of us were raised this way, but then we become adults and find out that this doesn't work. In an attempt to rectify the situation in our next relationship, we are then labeled too emotional. Shits funny...
Over generalized. Sorry dear, but never assume that all guys are the same. Just because one or two or three guys don't show emotion doesn't mean all of them won't show emotion either. Much like how girls would be the "psycho bitch" when in reality, only a few are.
my last relationship definitely had issues with us connecting emotionally. he always said that i didn't understand him and i would say that he didn't understand me. i believe it's so important to be connected emotionally or it's not going to work in the relationship.
i think its really unique in every case, and it always starts off in the family.
if your boy was raised in a very open loving family, then he would have no problem talking about his feelings, telling you he loves you and everything.but if your boyfriend was raised in a family where love was rarely shown, then I guess, it will rubs off.
maybe your SO is just guarded.
try doing a dinner between the two of ya'll and just let him know that you want to talk and let him know that its nothing bad (even if it is) and that you just want to have dinner with him. Start the conversation off with light topics like interesting things you heard or learned that day, anything that doesn't have to do with your or his work/school or bills or important stuff; save all that for more towards the end of the conversation. Work your way up in the conversation, try to keep it smooth and not single sided. :) this usually works for me when I get in a rut with my man and it's hard to talk about.
DO NOT talk before bed or 'pillow talk', unless you're trying to lead into... physical communication ;)
The moral of the story is don't get into a relationship, let alone a marriage, with someone you don't develop a deep emotional connection with.
Trust and comfort levels go a long way with communication
I dunno... I kinda feel men turn off because they're not interested. My bf said that's why he turns off, but even so it just attracts them more. Ahh it sounds so annoying. I'm glad I'm a girl 'n read the messages right. I'm like half boy. If someone cares about you, they'll talk to you, right? I would for sure! I don't care if my heart gets broken. At least I tried, ya know. Plus, I like chasing! Haha it's fun!
Also don't forget that it's a sexual relationship. Talking is kinda off point sometimes. Talk to your normal friends or something. A lot of boys, 'n girls too, just pretend to care so they can fulfill their needs, even if they're only mildly aware of this. Haha it's only natural, but some people think sex isn't pretty 'n try to make the relationship more than it is. And because of that we get confused. Haha I think sex is totally cute when ya like each other. I found someone who is my close friend 'n likes having sex with me. I dunno.. maybe you guys lack the true friendship(love?) part?
My husband is pretty open with his emotions. He will open up to me if it's important. Or if I really ask him to. He's not openly sappy, though. I prefer it this way. I wouldn't want an overly emotional man because I am the emotional one. I need someone solid.
In my experience, the boys are the more emotionally volatile gender. All the guys I've dated have cried in front of me...maybe I'm just mean??
My girlfriend (not sure if it's ex now) complains to me alot that she doesn't feel she's connected to me .. I guess both emotionally and just normally. But do you guys think that if it's something that can be fixed/work with?
I personally don't really understand where this connection thing is coming from, or what definition there is to it.
If you don't emotionally connect i feel like you shouldn't be together then.
I can't think of a way to overcome it without talking to him about it lol I'm trying to avoid that and that's my problem. I'm doing the same thing my ex did to me to my new boyfriend...
"My boyfriend and I have a great relationship but I don't like being the
one to always ask questions. It's not only that but I end up finding
out things I hadn't known before and it makes me wonder."
OMG, yes! It's like you typed the words right from the bottom of my heart. I know he really cares about me and I'll even go as far to say that he's a bit more open than I've ever known other guys to be. But I still wish he would care more about my specific feelings. And I wish he would talk about what bothers him. I feel like some things he just brushes off but really it does bug him. I guess this is an age-old dilemma for women.