Friday, 06 January 2012
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Who Was Wrong?
I had a "friend," Angela, in high school who I would have lunch with everyday of our senior year. She would talk about her boyfriend Joe on a daily basis, and although I listened sometimes, the majority of the time I zoned out. When I did listen to her, I only caught important things. She is the type of girl who goes from boyfriend to boyfriend and she cheated on her last boyfriend to be with Joe.
In fact, she once said to me point blank at lunch one day, "I have cheated on every guy I've been with. I will only not cheat if I feel there's a good possibility of marriage in the future." I did not agree or understand her rationale, but I never knew any of her boyfriends personally so I never made it any of my business.
Once high school ended she left Joe for another guy (surprise, surprise). She left him for a guy named Will, who she had sex with 4 hours after the break up. I remember once seeing her at her work and asking her what happened. Her response went something like, "I broke up with Joe because he wasn't making me happy anymore. I still love Joe. Right now I'm just having my fun with Will. I might get back with Joe, but for right now I'm just enjoying myself. I know I can have Joe back anytime I want."
Yeah, she sounds like a total bitch. Which is why when I met Joe through a mutual friend 5 months later, I allowed myself to fall for him. At first, I really was resistant, because I didn't know how Angela would feel about it. Although Angela and I were never close friends (we never hung out outside of school, talked online or through texts), I still thought it better to not get involved with Joe.
However, as I got to know him more, I fell for him pretty fast. Once I fell for him, I'll be honest, I didn't think too much of how it would've affected Angela. Although she was still with her new boyfriend Will, I knew she once considered Joe her first love. When Joe and I made it official, instead of talking to Angela first about it, I let her know after the fact. Cowardly, I let her know through a facebook message.
She didn't take lightly to it. She cursed me out and for a few months she left underhanded comments on my friends' Facebook accounts about me.
This all happened over a year ago. I know it's the past and I never really cared about Angela's friendship. The only thing I want to know is, was I in the wrong? I can justify it so easily from my end, but I know there are two sides to every story. I do try to see if from her end. I found out from Joe that he said towards the end of the relationship he stopped caring about her, that they fought a lot, that he was in a depression and they stopped being intimate. I can see why it was easy for her to leave.
But I still can't help feeling that if you really care about someone, you don't take the easy exit.
So my question is this. Was I wrong for dating Joe? I know I probably should've gone about it a little differently, maybe talked to Angela in person, but besides that, was I wrong?
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About the Author
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- From: reesa14@xanga
- About Me: 21. In love. Still trying to figure the rest out.
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Comments (43)
Angela does not own Joe. She is not in a relationship with him and therefore has no exclusive rights to him either.
You can date him freely, with or without Angela's blessing.
She's pissed because you've effectively removed one more option from her market of men. She can put on her big girl panties and deal with it.
You were NOT wrong. For crying out loud, Angela was in bed with another man within hours. She has no right to be angry that you started dating a man she obviously didn't appreciate. If she really loved him as she claims, she wouldn't have been "having fun" with the other guy.
i have a strict policy with my friends, a girl policy, that i wouldn't date their exes and they wouldn't date mines too. both of you are wrong in this situation.
Pssh. You're fine. He isn't hers and a girl like that, needs to learn some tough lessons in love anyway. I wouldn't worry about it.
She sounds immature. Considering what little consideration she not only showed for this guy, but for the male gender, I really don't think you need to worry about it. She's not your good friend and I'd just kinda leave that be. If she wants to be a spiteful, little passive-aggressive brat, so let it be. It was very nice of you to try and be honest/thoughtful, butI'd cease any communication with her.
She doesn't seem to be a friend anyway, so I don't think it was wrong. And you feeling guilty about it shows how much of a better friend you are.
Unless she's in a gangbang, the only penis she's dealing with right now is Will's. Remove her from your life and have a grand time with Joe.
I don't see what you get out of this friendship, nor did you owe her any explanation or permission to be with this guy. Sounds like your friend is a total bitch, Regina George is how I'm picturing her.
Generally, the exes of friends should be off limits. However, when they're a cheater they forfeit that courtesy entirely. To hell with her.
First of all, she wasn't really your "friend" if you just put the word in quotations. Second of all, she's a cheater. She's cheated in all of her relationships. She doesn't deserve any of these men. So I don't believe that you were wrong for falling for Joe. You can't help who you fall in love with.
She cheated on the guy, then dumped him and put him on her back burner to fool around with someone else, under the incredibly arrogant assumption that he would sit around and wait for her and she could have him back whenever she pleased. You're not only not in the wrong, if anything I think it's great you knocked her down a few pegs. I hope she learned a lesson from the whole situation.
its fine. I don't think there should be a rule about not dating your friend's ex. They let them go so they are free to move on. I wouldn't miss out on my soulmate just because they dated my friend.
they broke up a long time ago. you weren't close friends anyway. i don't think anybody's in the wrong here.
People who get mad at people who don't want their ex's available to their friends are so weird. There was this girl I almost considered a sister in high school. I had dated this guy for 3 years, my first everything was with him, and he also ended up being emotionally abusive and telling me if it wasn't for me, he wouldn't cut himself. He'd show me pictures of it. I loved him for three years and was tortured by him for about a year.
I didn't talk to him for more than a year after we broke up. Someone told me that my friend and my ex had liked each other at some point after we broke up. Wow, I was completely over him - never stalked his fb, and when I saw his pictures I was indifferent. I didn't care what he was doing in his life. But when I heard my friend and him could possibly be in a relationship, and possibly love each other, it just tore my heart open.
I can't explain it, but having a girl who's so close to your heart, knowing that she's in love with a guy you loved for three years, it hurts more than anything any of my girlfriends have ever done.
OP: If you're not close to her and she doesn't care about you as a friend, you're not wrong. But if she had a place in her heart for you, she's probably really hurting right now.
lol no you're not wrong. angela has issues...
Honestly...it sounds like you were just an instrument of karma. Lol. Don't feel bad. You weren't out to hurt the girl, but it sounds like she might've had it coming.
No, of course you are not wrong.
I never understood the whole "ex-off-limit" rules among bros and hoes. If you broke up with someone, then they are free for all, including your close friends, to date.
Btw, why are you friends with a girl with such low moral values..?
There is absolutely no reason to question yourself. Clearly SHE is the one with some serious issues.
I had the same exact problem....except it was with a "frenemy". She was my supposed best friend but would conveniently stop hanging out with me completely and then pick up our friendship again when she needed someone. I started dating a guy she had a fling with for about five minutes. They didn't do anything but kiss. The fling was about 5 years ago. Surprise, surprise, she dropped me when she found out. What's funny is that she was and still is in a relationship. They also live together. I mean, really?! So no, you were not at fault. She mistreated Joe and she moved on. She just likes having a hold over her men because she's insecure. Kind of like the girl I know. They just like the attention and once it's being taken away of them, they freak and start hating. It isn't your fault. Don't worry about it. Let her hate and be ridiculous.
If throughout the whole process, if you felt any guilt or regret, possibly there is. Right or wrong? Can you really judge, only you can decide if you think what you did is right or wrong. But, when it comes to problems and relations like this, no one is really right or wrong. And not only one is at fault for everything. It's like pieces by pieces put together that are connected and then there's the big picture. You know deep down if you did the right thing or not. Whatever it is, it is the past. Forgive and forget just like the rest of it. Best regards.
I don't think it was wrong, because -
1.] you're a grown woman and you have a right to have a relationship with someone you care about.
2.] It's not her choice or decision to make for you; she needs to respect your decision.
3.] She didn't treat him well, so he deserves that chance with someone else.
No.
@superGchik@xanga - pfft, she cheated on him! That kind of forfeits any "policy" that might exist. It's not like she was left broken hearted.
Let's see... she wasn't with him, she wanted fun time with other guys and kept him around and single largely to feed her ego. And when you and him went for each other, she got pissed. Good. Maybe she'll learn to shit or get off the pot next time.