Tuesday, 03 January 2012
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How Do I Break up This Friends with Benefits Relationship?
There's this guy I went to high school with, though we never spoke at the time. Not until 2 months after I graduated did he message me on Facebook. We started talking and the same day we exchanged numbers, and decided to have sex. After that, we had a problem (pregnancy scare). When we got over the scare, we didn't talk for 2 weeks. After he messaged me again asking to have sex once more, I said okay, as long as we made sure to be really safe about it. It's been 4 months since the last time we had sex, and we've been trying to do it again since then but we have a problem getting to each other.
Between those 4 months, I've been thinking about telling him that I don't want to do this anymore. I really think about and tell myself I'm going tell him, but since he texts me when I least expect it, he catches me by surprise and I end up telling him yes. I like him a lot, but I want a relationship now and it doesn't seem like I'm gonna get a relationship from him.
So how can I end this without me changing my mind so quickly? I want him to understand that I don't want a "FWB" anymore.
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Comments (46)
How about you just call him and say what you just wrote? It's not like it's difficult.
first off, you should start saying no. if he's not going to give you what you want, then he's not worth hanging on to.
You want it. And you want it bad. Connect with your own badness and then own it. That's the only way to make a change.
That sometimes happened to me. I would decide I didn't want it anymore and he would text me a week later and I couldn't help myself. I've also told him that I wasn't interested in doing it and he was completely fine with it. It's really not that hard is it's what you really want.
Make a firm decision and stick to it. It's as easy as 1, 2, 3. Not really, but still.
How about just say no? Catching you at the moment you least expect it? Not buying it. But, all you really have to say is, "No. Sorry, but I've made a decision and I don't want to be FWB anymore." Even if he persists, keep saying no.
Easy. Just stop talking to him. If he calls, tell him you don't want what you have. The only hard part is you do like him and you probably don't want to let go 100 percent or you wouldn't have posted this.
I like to refer to those last two films about FWB. In the end... or rather in the middle, feelings develop and then shit gets complicated. THUS I must say, it's always best to avoid the whole situation in general. But anyway, just say what you just said. You won't lose anything. -_-
I understand what you mean when you say "...I end up telling him yes." We tend to come up with the perfect thing to say either before or after the actual conversation. During the fearful confrontation, we don't want them to dislike us, we don't want them to judge us, we don't want them to misunderstand our intentions, so we fall back on the things we know they want from us: let it be sex or otherwise.
I've come to understand that for me to be able to tell this girl I know that I don't want to be friends with her anymore, I should just stop talking to her, but for you, since you're unsure considering you said, "how can I end this without me changing my mind so quickly?" Instead of a simple, "How can I end this?" Sort of sounds like you're using him as a fall back for your romantic life. I don't know what your relationships are like or what kind of image you hold for yourself, but the best way to have a conversation with him is to confront him yourself and not wait for his phone call because at that point, you won't tell him no. If you just can't bring yourself to do it, then confide in a close friend and have your close friend sit next to you as you're on the phone with him.
Or follow the advise of that first reply there and have him read this.
@Doitean@xanga - I totally agree. She should just show him this page and let him figure it out.
Just come right out and tell him you don't want a FWB.
ignore him.
I wouldn't beat around the bush, if I were you. Being honest and upfront about it is probably the best idea considering the fact that a "friends with benefits" agreement usually means no strings attached.
Just tell him how you feel. I never understand why people don't do this. It's so easy.
I kind of understand where you're coming from as I've been in a similar situation. You don't want it but you do want it. You don't like the feeling of being a FWB but you like him and you like the intimacy and sometimes he catches you when you're feeling like you want it the most.
If you're asking how to end it, that's pretty simple. Either ignore him or tell him you don't want to do it anymore. These two options are definitive and clear cut.
However, you kind of sound like you don't want to do that. If not, my advice would be to talk to him and see where his head is at. To him, you might just be a booty call, but then again, it could possibly be something else. I caution you though, I have a feeling he'll say something like "I like you but I'm not ready for a relationship right now", or, "I could see myself with you in the future" or some BS like that. Have you guys ever hung out without it ending up being about sex? If you like his company and want to be friends or you want a possible relationship, maybe you should try that. Like, yanno, actually go on a date and go to your respective homes afterwards. Try it a couple more times if you like it and try to establish something other than sex. At worst it doesn't work out and you stop talking to him. At best you get a new boyfriend. Most likely though you guys will end up as casual friends (this is where 97% of my FWB type relationships ended up).
How about you stop agreeing to have sex with him and ignore him?
if you're really having a hard time telling him, just keep saying you're busy then maybe he'll take the hint and stop asking you to do it. lol..
you like the attention, and dont want that to end. but at the same time you want something more. he doesn't want soemthing more. you both are on very different pages. its best you just tell him straight up and be honest, move on and prevent any hurt on your part, because he's not looking for a relationship, otherwise he'd let you know.
Just tell him you want a relationship now, you've changed since you started which is perfectly normal. Just know that he may not want one, and don't feel too bad about it afterward since you both went into it as friends with benefits.
Type it in a text, get ready to send it, then all you have to do is bring the courage to press "send".
Dare yourself to do it, then boom, you're done.
It's not hard to say no to someone. It's not your responsibility to. You just have a hard time making yourself do it.
Just tell him no. Try to do it before he texts you. That way you won't get caught up and forget yourself.
why buy the cow when you can have the milk?
I'm not convinced entirely that you do want this to end. I get the impression that because you like him, that's why you keep saying yes. I think that sometimes we feel it's better to settle for what we can get instead of aiming for what we want. This is what I honestly think, if you're mature enough to have sex with him, then you are mature enough to end it. And if you really didn't want to have sex, then you would say no.
I had a friends with benefits situation, which I wanted to end because I wanted a relationship. I didn't like the guy, but we had this amazing chemistry. I had to avoid him in order to stop things from happening, because I knew that if we met up and we kissed, I wouldn't be able to stop myself from going further, because I wouldn't want to stop myself. It's been a year since we were FWB and I managed to hang out with him recently, as friends, because I don't want it anymore, and the chemistry has fizzled out basically. I can't deny I was tempted though. I think that if it's happened once, then it makes it harder to stop it happening again, but not impossible.
I think you need to ask yourself honestly, do you REALLY want to stop it happening anymore? If so, then tell him the truth, it doesn't matter how you do it, just do it. But if you want a relationship with this guy, then why not be honest? Yes, you'll probably stop sleeping together after that, but isn't that a good thing? Because at least you'll be able to get what you want, from somebody else. Don't let him use you, or emotionally manipulate you into sleeping with him once he knows how you feel (if that's how you feel), because that happened to me, and it's one of the worst experiences I've ever had. So decide what you want, and stick to it.
If it's a friend with benefits, you shouldn't care about breaking it off with him.
Otherwise, the easiest way to put a stop to that kind of thing is texting two simple words: "Fuck off". Works every time.
just tell him.
i don't get it, is it that difficult to figure that out? xanga is filled with so many shitidiots these days.