Friday, 30 December 2011
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Guy Loses Less Than 50 Pounds, Gets Girl
In July, I wrote a post called Sorry, You Need to Lose 50 Pounds about L's friend, Emma, who was having some relationship troubles. To brief you, she liked one of her friends, Jesse, who was madly in love with her. Jesse was overweight, and so Emma found it too difficult to be physically attracted to him, so they weren't dating or even hooking up.A couple of weeks ago, L and I went out to dinner with Emma and Jesse. They've been dating since Emma went back to school and they seem extremely happy. Considering all that I had heard about Jesse leading up to meeting him, I was fairly surprised when the guy shook my hand. He actually isn't all that overweight. Perhaps, he dropped a lot of pounds since the summer, but he seemed a lot more attractive than Emma had let on in the summer.
In fact, it occurred to me that Emma might like the meat he still has. In studying them as much as I could during our meet up without seeming outwardly weird, I noticed that Emma seemed to sort of nuzzle into him-- he makes her feel small. I think many women can relate to liking that feeling.
I guess what I'm trying to say here is this:
For any of you who think you won't get the person you are chasing, be patient. For those of you who think you don't like the person chasing you, step back and take a real look. When I first heard the story of Emma and Jesse back in July, I had doubts that they would ever get together. Now, although they haven't been dating long yet, they seem like a pretty steady couple. It can happen to you, too.
Have you ever experienced something like this? Would you wait for someone to lose weight if you were emotionally, but not physically, attracted to them? If you thought Emma was shallow when you first read about her, do you still feel that way now?
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- From: TheDailyDane
- About Me: I'm Dane and I'm 21. Follow me on Twitter @danefeldman. I am a huge supporter of long-term relationships. What's the fun in knowing something will end in a week? Stick around for some long-term bloggin'.
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Comments (31)
If weight is holding you back from being with someone then you don't truly love them. Also, if you need to lose weight for someone to want to be with you - then you probably should reconsider being with that person.
I'd like to say she's shallow, but physical attraction IS important in a relationship.
While it's important to love someone for who they are, it's also important to love them enough to be able to tell them if they need to change, or that something's not right.
Yeah I agree with this. Good stuff does happen if you don't freak out and just let things come as they may.
@FuhkAwf@xanga - this is a silly statement, you can't "truly love" someone if you haven't started dating yet...
i can see how a guy can lose a little weight & get a girl. i've heard the line "he wouldn't be bad-looking if he lost 30 pounds" a few times...
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - ...didn't read the entire post.
You don't know whether something is going to work unless you try. And when you do try, put your heart and your effort into it. If you see what you like to see, stay. If not, communicate those issues and hope it works out. If it still isn't working out, move on.
I don't think she's shallow. I mean, you do want to be with someone who you are 100% attractive to - physically, emotionally, intellect, etc. I know I was emotionally attracted to one of my best guy friends, but I just wasn't feeling it physically. Obviously, we didn't date, but it's okay. I would rather have him date someone else who will love ALL of him and not just part of him.
@FuhkAwf@xanga -YES, YES, YES! Thank you for saying that so well. :)
Weight is a touchy subject for me. Being diagnosed with PCOS recently, explains why after making all of these lifestyle changes why none of the weight really ever came off. You name it, I tried it, and in fact, I am in more shape than my friends who are 60 lbs less because of all the training, better eating, etc. While I do not regret making those changes, the fact that it didn't really give me any results gives the impression that I'm "lazy" or not "committed" to my health, which is the furthest thing from the truth.
Weight should never be a factor in a relationship in something so trivial as this. If the person can still maintain an active lifestyle and enjoy the journey with you, then it shouldn't matter.
I don't find weight to be an issue. If anything, I'd be the person to help my significant other get healthy, if unhealthy that is. Maybe it's just me, but I like some meat on my boys. :]
What's the chick in the photo's phone number? Twitter? Email? Anything....
thats crazy. You shouldnt have to lose weight to get someone to love you.
I'd still say she is incredibly shallow.
henceforward I've rather givenup on such things realizing the only ones you should change yourself for are the ones who would have loved you regardless of the success of your efforts.
the only extra weight on guys that I like are muscles. attraction matters or else it'd be like dating a brother or a guy, whom I see like a sister lol :D
I know a LOT of people say they would never have sex with someone really heavy because they would find them unattractive. Yet no one ever seems to talk about how uncomfortable sex is with a heavy person. I was in a relationship with a guy that wasnt super trim to start off with, but at the end of the year he put on 50 something pounds Im guessing, maybe more. Sex was NOT fun! I was willing to suspend my judgement of his weight but uh, his stamina, his "abilities" were often strained.
So its not just an issue of- is it unattractive or not... theres also a challenge with the actual ACT. Not everyone has a perfect body, I think many people are willing to settle for average (whether they will admit it or not). But obese or super heavy is problematic on a couple of levels.
@theladyofabundance@xanga - word.
I don't think of her as shallow. Depends on their ages too though, but I'm guessing they're pretty young (under 30). In my mind if you're young and already getting out of shape and on your way to an unhealthy lifestyle it shows what it's going to be like when you get older and lots of problems will present themselves. I'd tell the person that, hope they see what I'm trying to say and if they're willing to be healthy/active then there's no problem. If they tell me to fuck off and just go back to an unhealthy lifestyle then I don't really want to waste the effort in trying to date them.
Forgot where I was going with that, but basically I don't see it as shallow. Physical attraction is a major part of why people start dating in the first place generally. It's extremely hard to get intimate with someone you're not physically attracted to.
Sometimes though just the fact that the person put in the effort to lose a lot of weight shows a good character. It's not easy to lose weight, so perhaps she was attracted to him working on his "issues" than simply that he lost weight.
@Xbeautifully_broken_downX@xanga - Does PCOS really affect you in weight issues that bad? If so, now I get why I had been struggling so much to bring my weight down, had been dealing with this situation since I was in high school
@Xbeautifully_broken_downX@xanga - People just have preferences.. Like I have suchhh small boobs, I'm sure there's a section of the guy population who'd reject me just for that. If I got a boob job, they'd probably like me then.
I think you implied that people don't like dating fat people because they think fat people are lazy, etc. Sometimes that's true, but usually the real reason is just because it's just not attractive to them, the same way I won't date a guy shorter than me, or a guy who's super thin.
@xpau92@xanga - Yep. It is quite true. I was diagnosed in October. I have an appointment to see a doc about it in about a week. I've HEARD that going on diabetic type diets helps a great deal after getting on meds (generally BC and metaformin). My SIL (sister-in-law) who also has it said that the South Beach Diet really helped her; from what I gather, because it is an endocrine disorder our bodies don't process food like most people normally do, and so our bodies tend to soak up the bad fats and sugars--even from carbs. I don't realy know that much more about it, lol. Like I said, I was just diagnosed with this, but I'm sorry to hear you've been having issues.
@LightBlue21@xanga - Of course the are preferences, but I wasn't generalizing at all. I was just speaking from my own experiences and POV and explaining how something like PCOS could affect aspirations to change that...if that makes any sense?
Part of the weight thing is the idea that they are lazy, but I mean, to be quite honest, most people are not attracted to people who are overweight, which might just take it back down to preferences, but when you have a person who is doing everything they can to make changes, and people are still making aesthetic decisions in regard to you as a person because of it, it's quite disheartening. I'm not saying this to sound judgmental or bitchy. I'm saying it because I can't tell you how many people have honestly sat down with me and explained to me that they liked me (hell, one guy even said he loved me), but told me that they didn't date people "bigger" than themselves.
My comment was meant to reflect my own experiences (like the one listed above) and not generalize in the population. I get that there are exceptions to the rule and I appreciate them greatly. I can also appreciate that people have those different preferences. But, in the article the guy didn't get the girl till he lost the weight. I'm like 98% sure that if I lost the weight and went back to those people in my life, they'd probably wanna take me out for a drink.
P.S. I can totally appreciate your small boobage. XD LOL.
@theladyofabundance@xanga - THIS.
I dated a guy who I'd known for ages, and by the time he asked me out he's ballooned to well over 300 pounds. I felt shallow for denying him just because of his weight, so I said yes.... and it was a mistake.
He began to strongly care for and love me, while I tried hard to compensate for not being attracted to him. It was like I was leading him on and, in the end, when I broke it off, he was more hurt than if I had denied him in the first place.
He had so many physical limitations... we couldn't walk around the mall without him sweating and getting out of breath. And in the sex department, the lighter person ends up doing all of the work all of the time.
I think it's good to keep an open mind about people, but also good to know your standards and limitations.
@FuhkAwf@xanga - Well everyone has preferences. A person cant help but to like what they like and dislike certain characteristics. And everyone's preferences are different.
Just saying, weight won't really stop you from loving someone, but it will affect how attracted you are to that someone.
Love =/= attraction. Attraction is important in a relationship. If you aren't sexually attracted to someone, then why would you want to date them?