Wednesday, 28 December 2011
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Best Advice Ever?
I've been married for 9 years. I've known my husband for 11 years. When we started dating and got married, we heard all sorts of advice from all sorts of people. Most of it was good advice, some of it was bad. We were told, "You guys will never make it. You should just break up." (Husband was in the military and gone most of the beginning of our relationship.) We were told "Don't go to bed angry, you'll regret it." Over the years I've just thrown that bit of advice out the window. Everyone knows that going to bed angry can lead to angry sex and that's just awesome!
But the best advice I've ever gotten I gave to myself. I've watched friends fall in love, get married (or not), be miserable, and break up. I've seen people stay in relationships that will always be miserable just for the sake of the children or just because they are afraid of what may be on the other side of the break up. And I've drawn a conclusion that has led to the best relationship advice ever: Most people are so excited about living together that they forget to live for each other.
In order to have a happy, successful relationship, you have to live your life to make your partner happy. And if they are doing the same for you, how can you be miserable? It's when one person gets selfish and takes the other for granted that the problems start. One person can't always be the taker and one can't always be the giver.
So here's my advice for you: Don't just live with each other, live FOR each other.
What's the best advice you were ever given? And how has it helped you?
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About the Author
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- From: greene_lily@xanga
- Name: greene_lily
- About Me: I'm a stay-at-home mom of two small children, a cat named Only, and a score of fish. I'm happily married to my high school sweetheart, celebrating 9 years of friendship and love. I love to sing, dance, and learn about old-school home keeping methods. We're into homeschooling, homesteading, and learning about Messianic Judaism. I'm a little strange and enjoy a bit of weirdness every now and again. Hope we'll hit it off and find something in common!
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Comments (35)
Damn good advice :D
my best advice ever: "when you are finally able to be happily on your own, is when you are ready to be in a relationship with someone else. Many people rush into relationships without failing to learn about what they want, what they need and most importantly loving themselves. If you can't love yourself how can you expect someone else to?" my best friend is pretty awesome.
This post just keeps popping up everywhere! So before we start hearing "you can't live your life for someone else, that's horrible advice" or "my therapist says this is bad advice" or "that's stupid advice", or "there's no practical application for this advice" (which are ALL answers that I've received for this), I'm just going to go ahead and clarify on my original post right now.
My husband and I live for each other. We do whatever we can do make the other happy. But we are also separate people with separate interests. He like spending time at the gym and loves the latest technology. I would be miserable being stuck at the gym (unless I'm watching him workout lol) and I like to learn how to survive without technology. We complete one another. We are so secure in who we are as individuals that we can give everything to the other without fear and vise versa. Living for someone else doesn't mean that you don't have a life of your own, it means supporting the other person in who they are so they can live to their full potential. And since they are doing the same for you, you will always know that there is someone who will help you be strong when you don't feel like you are.
And another completely honest confession: in all the time we've known one another, my husband and I have only ever gotten into one fight. It was really more of a disagreement, no yelling, name calling or whatever actually constitutes a fight. And that was because he forgot who WE are and tried to follow advice that didn't pertain to us. (A woman at work was complaining because her husband was always "in her space". So he was trying to give me my space when I didn't ask for it. That didn't apply to us, I never feel that way.) So I guess technically I've never actually had going to bed angry sex. That comment was meant more as a joke. lol
You have to apply the advice that you get to your own personality and relationships. If you know that this advice isn't going to work for you, don't try it, at least right now. Maybe you'll find yourself in a situation where it'll come in handy one day. =)
And that is very good advice. But, I'm going to take it a step further for me and my life goals. I'm going to live for God. And I know that living for God will make me want to live for my boyfriend, who will someday be my husband. I know this because He says that if we do His Will according to His Word (and that is living for God) He will give us the desires of our hearts. And it is my desire that my boyfriend and I will remember to take the time to work at our relationship every single day. And what better way to live for each other and to show your love for each other than to do that.
@greene_lily@xanga - Yeah, thanks for clarifying that now. Lol
@Hinase@xanga - LOL, it's been making me crazy. It's been posted at three different sites, which I did myself, but they were some time apart and I submitted each one when the others didn't put it up. Now it looks like they are all putting them up just a week or so apart. So I figured I'd just go ahead and make my statement before the nastiness hit.
@greene_lily@xanga - I can imagine. Lol Yeah, that's a smart move there.
Don't worry about people who don't care about you.
best advice....???? RUN !!! ...sighs... didn't listen though... been married to her 18 years now.. probably 30 more to go... heh but statistics state women outlive their mates so i have that to look forward to...
The best advice I've heard is be of service to others selfishly, not selflessly. When you're of service selfishly, you're taking into account your own needs as well as the needs of others.
this is the kind of advice that makes dependent people.
Do unto others, how you would like to be treated...
Secondly...In love, dont rush...the good stuff will wait for you.
Wasn't this same thing on here not that long ago?
@rcdrummer11@xanga - what is wrong with being dependent on someone, if it is someone who has your back?
@Jane - because if (heaven forbid) something happens to them (they die, get in an accident, lose their job, decide to cheat), you're lost. You can't be fully dependent on someone else. It's a recipe for disaster. Life isn't a fairytale. Bad things happen.
@Jane - dependency may stem into unattractive attributes like neediness and clinging. just saying, really, because its what happened to a few of my friends, including myself.
The best advice I've gotten was to trust my boyfriend with all my heart. If I wasn't able to do that, their was something wrong with the relationship and it had to be looked at. Thankfully, I can trust my current partner with everything I am, and it is an amazing feeling.
@written_conversations@xanga - but why cannot we all think that wanting to live in a fairy tale is a good thing though? I mean, in fairy tales everybody is living altogether in peace and harmony! And that is what I want to, I want to have all my friends and family living together peacefully.
This is a really good advice of you, thank you. I really am taking it to my heart!!
The best advice I was getting is probably "don't concentrate on the past 'cause you cannot change it, bring into focus the future because only that is what matters and what is changeable". I mean, this was told to me when something really bad affecting me happened to me (I did not want to write it down here now) but for me, even if I firstly did not want to hear it, I now have to regret that this is right and maybe if I took this to my heart earlier I would have been suffered from all this easier. However, now it is over and this is the kind of advice I always have in my mind, though!@Patty_CatCake@xanga - because life doesn't work like that. Humans aren't perfect, and we're not immortal. Things change and people (unfortunately), get sick and die. What do you do if you rely on your partner for all your emotional and financial needs and they die in a car crash, for example?
@written_conversations@xanga - i know that life is not like a fairy tale but we still can wish that it is though?! I know that we are humans and that we are not perfect and making mistakes but this does not mean that we cannot create a place where things are kinda perfect. All I meant with fairy tales are good is that in fairy tales everybody is living together peacefully.
Honestly, I do not know what I would do if my partner would pass away by accident but, frankly, when I am in a relationship I even do not want to think about such a situation can happen. I am concentrating myself on the here and now!
Gotta go with the Golden Rule as was mentioned above.
@scribbles - OOH.. I Like this advice.
Thats good advice! In a nutshell some good advice I was given is: to forgive.
good advice