When you go out with your friends you call it a "girls night out." You get all dressed up, presumably go to a fancy restaurant, drink wine, gossip about other people, and take pictures of food. "Guys night out"? It just doesn't convey the same image. We'll probably go to a loud, dirty, crowded bar that we'd never bring you to, and indulge ourselves with immature man humor. Farting, burping, spitting, and obnoxious whooping yells can be expected from us at some point during the night. I can only pray that your night does not ever devolve into this.
How important is it for us to maintain these friendships outside of our relationship?There are times when we will be in relationships where we view each other's friends as hindrances, pulling us away from one another, and being overall bad influences. This may even lead to one of us telling the other that we don't like someone so much that we insist that you stop hanging out with them. This will undoubtedly lead to tension in the relationship.
Should we have a say in our SO's choice in friends?Then there will be those relationships where we respect the time we spend with our own friends, whoever they may be, as a healthy break that allows our relationship to breathe. And although I may still be hanging around with someone you think is a loser, we both know that won't change the relationship we have when we're together. Compromises are made and we are realists. We know that we may be the most important person in each other's lives, but we also understand that we are not the ONLY person.
And on the rarest occasion, we will meet someone who we think cannot even be real. Someone who has associated themselves with friends that instantly click with ours, or at the very least are cordial. Sometimes we are lucky. Sometimes we just find the right people.
What is your relationship like with your SO's friends? Is there anyone in his/her life that you don't approve of? Which one of these, if any, can you relate to?
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Comments (19)
For the most part I like all my boyfriends friends and he mine. Wirh rhe exception of two of his however. He has two friends who talk as if they belong in 7th grade. They're nice so I don't mind them so much but just listening to these two talk... I wonder how my boyfriend can stand them! He was their mentor so I guess it's that comaderie. But I would not ask him to stop being their friend. Just as I hope he never asks me to give up any of mine.
I don't like to tell him who he should hang out with, but some of them are just backstabbing bitches and assholes and he doesn't see it... I actually hate, yes, even as strong as a word as hate is, I hate most of his friends. Whiny people who only like him as a friend when it is in their benefit. It's sad to see them do it to him, but he bends over backward for them. I don't have friends. It's sad... but I moved away from all of my friends upon switching states 3yrs ago. So now I want us to make mutual friends who wont take sides when we bicker and fight (even though we are ex's, just friends, and at this point living together). I hate the idea of not having at least one mutual friend that isn't one- sided.
My fiance and I are both notoriously anti-social. Since high school I haven't really kept up with anyone. But I've met some new people. I guess we've been a couple so long that it's not longer his friends, my friends, but they're OUR friends. Which I like a lot. :)
My boyfriend's "best friend" lied to me to try to break up with him. I don't like 3 of them.
That's very tricky. Sometimes it's okay to say "hell no" to a significant others friend. Like if it someone who clearly is trying to hook up with them and isn't really interested in friendship. Sorry guys, I know it's fun to get attention, we all enjoy it, but you've got to respect me.
As far as stupid/annoying friends go, there is really nothing I would do. I would just ignore them or stay away from them so I don't have to deal with them.
As far as my boyfriend is concerned he doesn't really have any close friends. He has lots of friends though, but they are all really brainy and I approve of them. They like to study together and hang out in the economic and math club. I'm sure they are obnoxious sometimes but whatever. I'm not worried about it at all. I consider myself pretty lucky. He could have really annoying friends like my first ex.
I used to hang-out with a group of friends from high school. I really loved them back then. They hated my boyfriend riley for like no reason...because he intimidated them or some shit. We were all very dorky in high school and I guess it was too much shock for me to date a stud muffin. He was also way smarter than them, none of my friends from high school stayed in college.I guess it was just way too much culture shock because they were always excited to tell me in a catty indirect way something nasty and hurtful about him. When my old "friend" paul started spreading shit about my boyfriend "verbally abusing me" or whatever, he had it. He told me to stop being friends with paul. I said no to him that he was being unreasonable and we had a fight. Finally my boyfriend gave in and said I could be friends with paul. But just a few months later I stopped being friends with paul and most of my old high school friends anyway! (my choice!!) It's not that I choose riley (my bf) over them. If me and riley break up next week I would still be happy I ditched my so called highschool friends who showered me with negativity.
I like my boyfriend's friends. And he likes mine. But, we pretty much have all the same friends because we go to the same church and that's where most of our friends are from. I have some friends from high school, and my bf likes most of them. Haha.
My boyfriend has a lot of friends, but not any he really hangs out with. We're practically best friends, so we hang out all the time. He likes my friends, but I normally am a loner, so I hang out by myself when he's not with me. I would never choose my boyfriend over my friends, but we always have a good time either way! Usually he has one friend around, and his name is David. He is very funny and nice, but he can get a little flirty sometimes and it creeps me out, but all and all I really like my boyfriend's friends. We have mutual friends so it's never awkward.
Most of my friends are, or have become "our" friends. He has a few friends I consider to be only his friends, whom I am not too fond of but I try to be cordial with them when he has them over to hang out (or when we're all hanging out together in public). I don't expect my husband to like all my friends, nor does he. However, I do find that keeping your friends, and making some times to spend with them is very important. Both him and I spend time with our friends separately. Even though I do not like some of his friends much, they mean a lot to him so I respect him and his wishes, just as he does mine. The only exception would be the "friends" who make bad choices, dragging him down with them. (Such as driving around intoxicated, with my husband as a passenger. Can't get on board with that situation.) Being obnoxious and being stupid are two completely different situations, and I trust my husband to make the right choices for himself. While dealing with obnoxious people is annoying, I can manage that better than dealing with people who continually make stupid choices in regards to life. However, I do believe that if your SO is mature, people who you don't approve of will eventually fall by the wayside when your SO gets tired of their friend's stupidity.
I think one can mention to their SO that they are concerned about so-and-so friend but ultimately I believe it is not our place to tell our SO to stop hanging out with a certain friend because we feel that way. It's often not a great idea to come between your SO and their friend. Let him/her decide.
This might sound bad, but my SO doesn't exactly have tons of friends. He works a lot, so he has coworkers he likes and gets along with. He has a few actual friends, but he lives in a really rural area where everyone is really spread out, so they all live 30-45 minutes away. A few of his friends out in that area are mutual friends of ours from school. I've met some of the others, and for the most part I'm ok with them. One of his female friends bothered me a little, she is now divorced after cheating on her husband three times, and having a girl like that around my boyfriend made me slightly uncomfortable. But they don't hang out much, so it's cool.
Hmm, I actually enjoy going out to bars more than my boyfriend. And dive bars. None of that pretentious shit. But I get along well with my boyfriend's friends so far. Even his roommate who made a racist remark toward Asians, I get along with. My bf knows how to keep good friends around him, and I do too and I know when to drop bad friends on my own. As with opposite-sex friends I automatically distance myself a little bit more from them when I'm in a relationship just because. He has a lot of gal friends too, and I trust him. And if one gal friend acts a little too flirtatious, I trust that he would distance himself without me having to tell him.
If I have a concern I do voice it to him. But I don't want to force him to stop a friendship. I was annoyed when my guy friend defriended me and all his gal friends from facebook before because his gf forced him to, so I try to not be that kind of girlfriend with my bf.
While not all friends can "click", there still really is no say as to who someone's partner can and cannot hang out with. They can voice their concern or slight disapproval with what the friend is doing, but ultimately, it is the decision of the one who is friends with that person.
I've liked almost all of my past girlfriends' friends. The ones that I didn't like, I just kept quiet about it as I didn't really seem them that much anyways.
Now, with cousins on the other hand, I dated someone who I had a bad falling out with her cousin. She tried to have me be friends again with him, but because I can't forgive him for what he did to me, I told her plain and simple that I just couldn't.
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There are not many of my SO's friends that I do not like. Most of them are wonderful people that I have created my own kind of friendship with, and enjoy spending time with.
The only time that I have a problem with my SO going out with friends and spending time with them is when he has procrastinated on things around the house that need to get done, or he has something more important to do. I think it's fair enough when that happens.
I've never been a person to have many friends but the friends I do have, my SO seems to enjoy. He doesn't have a huge bond with any of them, but for the most part, he just tries to see what I see in them. He always comes first though, and some of my friendships have failed because they just don't understand that I'm not single anymore, and I have someone else to think about first. I figure that they weren't really true friends in the first place when that happens.
People that try to tear others away from their friends are not secure in themselves or their relationship and it should be a hint that they need to sort out some issues.
I don't think I'm supposed to be my SO's mother, so they could have whatever friends they want. I only need to decide if I would want a SO with that bad of taste for friends.
I pretty much approve of all my SO's friends. I've met most of his friends, and they are great people. I don't ever have to worry about them doing crazy things, and I don't ever have to worry about anything bad happening. There was one that I honestly didn't care for. He wouldn't invite me over to things unless my bf mentioned me to him about coming over as well. I also got a bad vibe from him, and it's rare for me to get bad vibes from anyone. It didn't help that he lived closeby as well. Luckily, that's all in the past now.
I like my boyfriend's friends, but I don't really like the dynamic when I hang out with him and my friends at the same time. not sure how to fix that, but for now I'm just keeping them seperate.
My boyfriend and I have most of our very close friends in common, and it is really nice. Because of this, we get to see each other while we are hanging out with our friends all of the time. We both have our separate friends groups, too. Fortunately, neither of use "disapprove" of the other person's friends; we actually really like most of our non-mutual friends, as well. It is awesome :) I feel we have a great balance when it comes to our friends and our relationship.
i generally get along with most people and there have only been few people whom i have known and my man has known that just rubbed me the wrong way to later come to find out why. for the most part if there was a problem i had with one of my mans friends i'd let him know, give him my reasons and weather he thought they were valid he still respects me and doesn't bring them to my house and instead goes on 'guy nights'. the same for me. we don't discuss anything about that person. so i think just having a basic respect for each other and the people you know is what is key.
For the most part, in the end, it will end up being your SO and a few close mutual friends. I'm sorry, but that's what happens when you grow up. How many married people you know have "girls night" every week and still hangs out with all their single friends? Yeah, that just doesn't happen. Just make sure that whoever you choose to date is worth that sacrifice because it is going to happen sooner or later.