Friday, 23 December 2011
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90 Days of Lust
Researchers say it takes 90 days for lust to wear off. If you still have feelings after that, then it's most likely love.As a newlywed Air Force wife as of March of this year, I am no expert on marriage or relationships. My daughter and I moved 500 miles away from my hometown and my family to be with my husband. My husband tells me almost daily of his fellow airman's marriages that are on the rocks. These guys have been married almost a year or less! Their reasons? They made a mistake. A MISTAKE. Hitting the curb in your car, forgetting to empty the dishwasher, forgetting to call your mom on her birthday (major mistake) are all mistakes.
Rushing into a marriage after dating for 3 months, taking the vows and then calling it quits 6 months later because your blushing bride turned into 'vein popping out on the forehead, punched me in the face ,and threatened to stab me because I played Playstation during our me time' is not a mistake. It is a major SCREW UP.
A mistake taken to a nuclear level. Military gentlemen, just because your Applebees waitress is hot, and smiled at you as she sat your Heineken on the table, do not propose marriage because you're tired of being alone because you're away from home. Do like the rest of your intelligent comrades and make an online gaming account. Go lust it up for 90 days and if you still have feelings somewhere other than 'down below,' take it slow boys. Take it slow. If she's worth it she won't mind.
Thoughts?
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About the Author
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- From: Scream_out_LOVE@xanga
- Name: Scream_out_LOVE
- Location: Charleston, South Carolina, United States
- About Me: I'm an Air Force wife,as of March 13,2011, a mommy as of 2007, and a college student as of forever it seems. Military life is a new challenge for me, but I believe in doing everything for, and with,love. <3
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 1 Views: 0 6304 Comments: 0 36 View all posts by Scream_out_LOVE@xanga
Comments (37)
oh my god. citation needed, sweetheart. i didn't even get past the first two sentences.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - I wasn't even counting on this getting posted.I submitted it just spur of the moment. I'll keep that in mind for next time. Thank you.
The 90 days statistic is also what companies use for employees, which is why there are no raises and sometimes not benefits tunil someone has worked 60-90 days. the one i just started at told us that if we stayed 90 days, we would want to stay a lifetime. It is true.. only... my job is a residency, so it is quite temporary
Doubledb@xanga - It's crazy to think that 90 days can determine so much,from potential love to a pontential career. Thank you for reading my article by the way!
This is good to know. I have been dating my guy for over 2 months now. However it feels like it's been way longer. So once 90 days pass, I will be looking to see how our relationship is going. Hopefully still strong, if not stronger! :)
@ShirleyD@xanga - I'm sure it will be!
i believe so too.
I think in that time, everything is still so new so you see your SO in a different light, everything about them seem so much better, you can tolerate everything (if not they can just "change" or you can "change them")but after the honeymoon phase wear off, then you only see them for what they really are.
@Scream_out_LOVE@xanga - not too late to cite your source(s) in the comments! :)
my boyfriend and I hit our five year mark in febuary. :D
@prettykay04@xanga - Exactly! Its almost like a job interview.We want to put our best traits out there so that person will pick us.After we get comfortable we tend to slack off a little.
Kodomo_no_Tsuki@xanga - Congratulations!
@Scream_out_LOVE@xanga - ah yes, cosmo generally does really reliable and scientific studies. you picked a good source!
I don't believe it. I've had feelings for people beyond ninety days SEVERAL times and I wasn't in love with them at all (yes, we were dating, but it definitely wasn't love).
Don't be dissin' airmen.
@Chibi_Son_Gokou@xanga - I'm definitely not i'm married to an airman. Most of the men in our families are in the Air Force.
I have been married 56 years to the same woman. Lust will not hold a marriage together. I don' even think it is a good thing when single and dating. I believe when we are with someone that interests us, in time friendship and affection will become stronger than the momentary hormonal rush. Obviously, there can be that immediate sexual attraction, but it is a flimsy foundation for a successful marriage. Part of finding the right partner is not letting our emotions rule, but but our mind--brains. I think too much damage is done when gals rush into relationships and share themselves too quickly. Part of life is delaying gratification---like using credit cards vs. saving up to buy something nice.
I loved reading your very interesting post.
frank
Doing something on the whim is never a smart move, marriage should be taken seriously no matter what is happening.
dont think this applies just for comrades.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - Yes indeed. Cosmo is very reliable. So reliable that my brain can't even read it without exploding. Who wouldn't use cosmo as a source! I've been so naive by thinking that my teachers wouldn't accept a term paper with a citation from cosmo in it. Damn it.
@xraindropsonroses@xanga - that's crazy! every time i cited it, i was guaranteed an a+, and my school didn't even have a+'s! i should quit my job and become a statistician for their surveys--i'd sure as shit as get paid a lot more, and i'd be helping spread scientific research about dating and sex around the female population, too.
now how's that for community service?
Never understood people rushing into marriage. Doesn't make sense to me. But, I guess people are still getting tattoos with their SO's name on them so, I guess I shouldn't be surprised.
Wow, I am so sorry that people are being so rude to you over wanting a citation. If it bothers them so much, they ought to go find it on Google. Oh, shame, that would involve them using their BRAINS.
In any case.
As a military wife myself, I know exactly what you are talking about. My husband and I see it all the time living on a Marine Corps air station. You are exactly right about why these guys are getting married so quickly - they're tired of being lonely. Stupid, stupid reason. Seems like a lot of them end up marrying their 17-year-old high school sweetheart who is just aching to do anything it takes to move out of mommy and daddy's house. My husband and I are, actually, high school sweethearts ourselves, but ours is a somewhat different story - we got engaged young [I was 17 at the time], and we got married young [I wasn't 19 yet]...but...we didn't get married because my husband missed me during boot camp. We got married nearly a year before he enlisted, and we did it out of love, not even knowing at the time of our wedding that he was going to join the military. We're still together, happily, but we've seen many, many rushed-into and young marriages fail quickly during the 4 years that we've been living here [somewhere in NC
]. Saddest of all are the ones like the first marriage we watch fail, literally next door in the military housing triplex we lived in - the teenagers had gotten married on a whim to get the girl out of her parents house and to fill the boy's bedroom; she got pregnant and they were divorced before she even reached the second trimester.
I don't know if it's a scientific fact or not, but it's true, when love lasts that long, you sort of have to figure out what you're going to do with it because it's something amazingly powerful.
I don't believe it. I've been in "lust" with someone for more than 90 days and I can tell you, it definitely wasn't love. As for the rushing into marriage thing, I agree. If you expect your marriage to last and still be in love, then you should be able to wait a bit. If you can't wait, then obviously it wasn't meant to be and the marriage wasn't going to work.