Wednesday, 21 December 2011
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Three's a Crowd?
A very close longtime friend of mine approached me about a very interesting predicament she's currently in. She has been with her significant other for a long period of time and, according to her, over the past few months the idea of having a threesome has continued to pop up. Apparently, he offered to let his friend join the first time the situation came up and she agreed. However, her boyfriend, who offered the threesome, became extremely upset and she claims she only agreed because she thought that was what he wanted.
Recently, however, she said that he keeps bringing it up. When she asks if her engaging in sexual activity with him and his friend would hinder the process of their relationship turning into marriage or them possibly someday having a child he replies with, "I don't know." Now, she turns down a threesome every time he asks but, judging by the text messages I've been shown, he's becoming increasingly and overwhelmingly pushy when it comes to having a threesome.
I don't feel like I can offer her adequate advice because I've never been in a situation this "interesting." So, I told her I knew exactly who to come to about this problem.
My fellow Xangans, what would YOU do? Has anyone else ever been put in this situation? How do you feel about threesomes in your relationship?
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About the Author
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- From: meaganbme93@xanga
- About Me: I'm the eighteen year old daughter of four amazing parents (a mom, a stepdad, a dad, and a stepmom) and the oldest sister to six (yes, six) amazing siblings. I'm taken by the most amazing guy I've ever met. I know that sounds "overused" but it's definitely true. I couldn't ask for a better boyfriend. There's a good chance he'll be the man I spend the rest of my life with. I'm one of those girls who goes out of her way in school and works really hard at everything which is why I've earned enough college credits to enter into college as a sophomore at Virginia Commonwealth University in Fall 2011. I'm majoring in Chemistry in order to become a pharmacist.
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Comments (44)
Sexually speaking, yes, I would absolutely love to have a threesome. However, to see the man I love touch another woman the same way he touches me would crush my entire world. I'd love to experience a threesome, but I couldn't do it with someone I love.
@ohveryoung@xanga - i agree. if i had one it would have to be with like two friends or two strangers. i could never see my man appreciate another woman's body and he would never stand for me touching another guy EVER.
@ the post if i was ever put in this situation, I would probably say okay, we can have this threesome with your friend. but then we have to have one with my FRIEND. and tell them the name. if its unappealing, he won't want to, and hey.. fair is fair!
I couldn't not be in a threesome if I was emotionally attached to either of the other two people.
threesomes sound gross.
It sounds like he's using it to test her or something, if the threesome is with another guy. Or he's gay or something. No heterosexual dude should want to add another dude to the bedroom.
I don't like sharing my husband and neither does he. Having sex with each other is an intimate and bonding experience between the two. Having another party joined in just loses it's meaning, imo.
If your friend and her bf wants to experience a threesome, they both have to be on the same page and mutually agree on it. If not, it's a recipe for disaster.
I could never do one. Well, more like I could never do one with another woman. If I'm having sex with my boyfriend or even if I'm just hooking up with someone, his attention better be on him and I only, I refuse to have some other chick take away the attention from me. Call it selfish but I really don't care, that's how I choose to run my sex life.
It's all about trust. If they can trust each other than there shouldn't be any issue. My husband and I do these kinds of things regularly and still love each other and continue a happy marriage. Our one rule is no kissing. Other than that every thing goes. We trust each other and know that we are going to be together after all of this is over, no one can come between us... and because we know and believe that we are perfectly comfortable exploring new things with new people.
I've done it a few times when I was with my guy of 6 yrs. The only reason it doesn't work for me is because I didn't like the guy that way. I only saw him as a friend and wasn't really sexually attracted to him. And for me to be fully attracted to someone in the first place I have to really, really like them. I can't just fuck anyone. No matter how physically attractive they might be. So if that wasn't a problem I might have liked it enough to do it a few times but it's not a favorite of mine personally.
I don't think my guy nor myself would be okay with the other being sexual with someone else. We just care about each other too much and I think it would hurt. Maybe if it was with two people you weren't serious about it wouldn't cause problems.
This is one of those things I have fun fantasizing about, but I know I don't want to deal with the real life issues involved. In my fantasies I can make it go however I like, but in real life...so, I'll just keep it as my happy dream.
@Kill_GaryLarson@xanga - That is true. I've never had a 3 some but I know this guy who did with a girl and another guy and both those guys were bi. Nothing wrong with it though. What was wrong was that that guy cheated on his girl friend (one of my old best friends) with those 2...
I personally would never have a threesome. But its none of my business what other people do with their lives.
Some of these comments brought back memories of my ex boyfriend wanting to have a three some with another guy and me... I said no, he was terrible to me though anyways..
When I was younger, I would have only done it outside of a serious relationship. A 3some just seems like something to do with no string tied or friends with benefits. Now, even if I were to become single again its nothing I would be interested in. I've only been asked to be in a threesome by men I was not dating seriously and both times I said no for reasons I'll keep to myself.
If he keeps pushing it, something is wrong. And rule of thumb; if you have to ask, you already know the answer.
I wouldn't be okay with that-- and my boyfriend would NEVER ask for it either...thankfully...
From my experience of helping others who have had a threesome I say only do it if you're not serious about the relationship.
If you want a serious relationship don't do it. You'll never get it back.
Once you have a threesome; everything changes
Let's just say that when it comes to my husband, I don't share well with others in a romantic/sexual sense.
I think the fact that he's pushing for more threesomes is evidence enough that he's not in it for marriage, but for sexual gratification, on his end.
I can't say I wouldn't feel completely ill about my boyfriend touching another woman the way he touches me, nevermind full on sex. I can't do it and neither can he.
@ohveryoung@xanga - This is exactly how I feel.
how can he be upset about and pushy about having a threesome at the same time? this doesn't make sense which is why i feel as though i'm reading this incorrectly.
no one should be pushed into a threesome, it needs to be something all 3 parties are fully into and want to do. My husband and I have had two 3somes, and they have just brought us closer together. However it would have driven us apart if either of us had been pressured into it.
See if he is willing to do it with a stranger. An unknown man offers the advantage of being able to remove the third person from the relationship with no strings attached and no reminders in case it doesn't work for him. See if there is someone you can meet while on vacation. Or possible find someone through the internet. I admit neither of these is easy to arrange but bringing in a known friend puts a lot more at risk in the relationship and should only be approached cautiously at best given the circumstances you describe.